Okay, my first title for this was "Moms Gone Wild," but my husband expressed concern about making a wrong impression. For anyone reading this who considers themselves a traditional mom, make room for today's newest extreme in mothering by instinct.
Have you noticed lately that some celebrity moms are taking mothering to a new level? I'll help enlighten you. Celebrity moms can set a standard for trendy maternity clothes, toddler haircuts and organic recipes. They make mothering glamorous, and it's tempting to want to emulate their effortless style.
Now there's a movement stretching the boundaries for even those who already claim to be natural moms. (Due warning -- this is not the "back-to-nature" initiative urging us to unplug the TV and get our kids outside.) "Instinctual mothering" has recently included some interesting behaviors defined by actors who became moms.
Actor Mayim Bialik, of "Blossom" and "The Big Bang Theory" fame, wrote an attachment parenting book. Isn't that simply seeking to bond with your child? Not quite. Mayim doesn't use diapers or formula. She encourages moms and babies to spend every second together 24/7. Absolutely no date nights allowed. Hmmm...
But if that doesn't surprise you, how about this? After January Jones, star of "Mad Men," gave birth, she had her placenta converted into vitamins. She now takes these for possible health benefits, like to ward off postpartum depression. I'm not kidding.
Finally, everyone has heard about Alicia Silverstone, who starred in the movie "Clueless." Alicia posted a video of herself dispensing chewed-up food from her mouth to her little son's. When I ran the method by my own kids, it didn't go over so well.
All this got me thinking: Perhaps the best instinctual mothering model might be a celebrity in our country's northern backyard -- the Decorah, Iowa, eagle mom. Viewed by millions via webcam, the eagle mom, named D1, currently has three baby eaglets. Plus, this celebrity has years of experience as a wildly successful mom.
To follow D1's lead, moms would name children in order of "hatching" and by location. Then it's easy to track them, but with less bonding. Really, it makes it plain simpler to kick them out of the nest later on. When children are young, dad is required to sit with them for equal amounts of time (Mom does need to get out of the house once and awhile).
When mom is home, dad's job is to deliver the meals, especially "fast food" that's easy to eat without tedious cooking time. Talk about cutting edge -- the family follows a raw food eating plan. Kids develop social skills on their own under just an occasional watchful eye. In the fall when the kids are grown, the parents head south without even a goodbye.
In all seriousness, no judgment from me on any kind of mothering. I am fully supportive of techniques that work best for moms and their brood. But I admit, of all the celebrities I have considered lately, I may really like that eagle mom's natural style.