“If I didn't care, I wouldn't have commented. But I do care. IMO more and more men are identifying themselves as submissive to their wives. How or why this is happening, I'm not sure. But I do know that submissive men must either admit and accept they are submissive (which I believe you have) or assert themselves and reclaim their dominance. A ship cannot have two captains.
There is nothing wrong with a man being submissive to his wife. But to be a true submissive means to stop complaining about it. I seldom see women being happy long term with such men. Sure they get to boss their men around and be dominant, but they still seem unhappy. Very often they stray sexually in search of dominant men, while keeping their submissive home - as you say 'unpaid servants'. It works for them from a financial point of view, but most often, deep-down, instead of appreciating their submissive men they instead despise them. Which is why you catch grief from her. She is not happy being in charge apparently. And she is not deserving of your submissiveness. She does not deserve you if she doesn't know how to treat you.
If you have accepted this role, you should dedicate yourself to being the best submissive you can be. Otherwise, you are trying to 'top from the bottom' as they say. And that is not the order of things. And your home will always be in turmoil.”
Stephen Cardwell on Dec 1, 2013 at 20:03:28
“Thanks for your opinion, but it wasn't really advice, was it. I was always led to believe marriage should be based on compromise / equal partners, whereas your captain of the ship philosophy, suggests a man should dominate his wife. - I don't think either one should dominate or be submissive. Point I was making was, whatever I do for my wife goes unappreciated / taken for granted. Like MOST blokes, I let my wife have her way on most things for an easy life ( continuous arguments and confrontation isn't a very pleasant existence) but things I feel strongly about, be it going to the pub or watching football, I'll stand my ground, and she has learned not to challenge me on such occasions.
Anyway, - thanks for the interest, but short of not giving you a reply, I don't really feel too comfortable about going into any further detail on the internet, but should I need further guidance, I know where to find you.”
“"wife treats me like an unpaid servant . . . she shouts louder. . . besides I bloody well love her. "
Well if you love someone who treats you like 'an unpaid servant' then she is treating you just as you deserve to be treated. How can she respect someone who has no idea how to demand that he be treated better - and believes in his soul that he has zero options of a better life?”
Stephen Cardwell on Dec 1, 2013 at 06:07:30
“"How can she respect someone who has no idea how to demand that he be treated better"
I know the only way to change things is to threaten to leave and mean it.
After 27 years marriage, I would say I'm past my sell by date,
Splitting would mean financial ruin, and I would probably spend the rest of my life on my own. ( something to really look forward to )
Well professor, you seen to have all the answers --- I would honestly be grateful for your advice.
By the way, - I like your philosophy that there are people who deserve to be not respected. -- You sound like a very caring person.”
Nov 29, 2013 at 09:01:02
HuffPost Live 321
“Really? I haven't seen him in decades. So what's the name of the show?”
smahl on Nov 29, 2013 at 10:38:06
“He makes appearances and cameos all the time on things. Just because YOU are unaware of them does not mean it does not happen. He has been in Spielberg movies &, A number of talk shows threw the years. He can be found singing on Bob Rivers Christmas albums, David Letterman, Howard Stern & he has Often been seen in commercials and other media outlets. One of the last ones he was on was Extreme Weight Loss if you need to know what Show but really he has appeared on a number of them throughout the years since the 80's”
“Agreed. It is selfish for a wife or husband to withhold sex, nag each other, fail to appreciate each other, and make each other's live miserable etc. That doesn't appear to be a problem for these people. But it's certainly a problem for most monogamous marriages.”
Lori Searcy Moss on Nov 28, 2013 at 14:34:23
“u can't possibly know that just from reading this story. marriage is a compromise of two people and sometimes u have to sacrifice ur own happiness or desires for the other person's good. like when u work as a team. it's not marriage that's the problem it's people that are the problem. people's ideas and expectations are usually not realistic when they get married, not to mention a lot of people get married for the wrong reason, which is why many marriages don't work.”
“"then don't get married....if you don't want to be married, don't marry..."
I know this is hard for you old-fashioned people to accept - but the truth is, you can't tell people what to do any longer. You can't tell people how to live their lives. No one is interested in your commanding them on behaving as you see fit.
Your societal dictates and controls are diminishing. No matter how much fear-mongering, shaming, scare tactics, end-of-world scenarios and peer-pressure you guys apply.”
“It took you 33 years to get comfortable with your wife?
Wow. She must be really difficult to get comfortable with.”
Lawrence Wheaton on Nov 28, 2013 at 02:21:43
“What I meant by that was there are times when you don't know if something is wrong, whether she wants to talk about it, if it's you she has a problem with and people do change as time passes. She was difficult for the first ten years because I couldn't figure anything out I was so dumb that way. Guys are usually easy, women take a bit longer to figure out. Now I can just look at her and know what's going on. At least , most of the time.”
“Some people are just tired of following old beliefs that fail more than half the time.”
ted linden on Nov 27, 2013 at 14:40:33
“then don't get married....if you don't want to be married, don't marry...the reason we have a high divorce rate is because people who are not ready to be married, get married and then continue to live like they are not married...the excuses are stupid, just stop doing something you are not willing to work at succeeding and you won't fail.”
Lori Searcy Moss on Nov 27, 2013 at 14:28:17
“they fail because people are selfish not because of marriage.”