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justist4all's Comments

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huffingtonpost entry

11 Things All Good Divorce Lawyers Need To Know

Commented May 31, 2012 at 12:23:52 in Divorce

“I am lost at the title "All Good Divorce Lawyers" I didn't know there was any. First question out of their mouths, "any domestic violence in the relationship", followed by "what kind of assets do you have", followed by "I'll be out of the office next week" {shopping for a new ?????? spending your assets.}”
huffingtonpost entry

The Financial Commitment Ends With The Marriage

Commented Apr 28, 2011 at 19:35:34 in Divorce

“I was in college at age 32 when I met x. We married and had a baby right away. WE agreed I would stay home.15 years,17 moves for his career or wants, 1 more kid. He meets his soulmate. Within 29 days he was living with her & filed for divorce. While laying in a fetal position in an emotional comma of distraught all I could think of was I am 47, 6th grade education. GED, 1 year in CC. I applied at 29 businesses,most required computer skills I did not posses. I was even turned down at Home Depot and Taco Time! I am in c. college now and I will make it even at 49. But I am never going to make 230,000. I am not having more children to be able to write off on my taxes like he is. I do not have a new spouse [nor do I plan on getting one] that makes 120,000. It was his decision to leave with no warning. I tried to work once and asked him to help divvy up responsibilities. His answer was "when you make as much as I do I'll help, until then you're on your own." and he proved it when I took a class and he would not stay home to take care of our ill daughter while I took my final. So ya I need my 4 measly years of alimony. "Until your in the trenches you're clueless."”

hp blogger Lee Block on Apr 29, 2011 at 09:41:17

“BUT you are using alimony to further yourself so you CAN take care of you. And, that is the whole point. If you do receive alimony, it should be used to further education. Of course, factors should be thrown is, such as age and length of marriage or disabilities of the children or ex, but overall, for those that are healthy and young, why can't they support themselves?

As for being in the trenches...I HAVE been in the trenches. I was a stay at home mother as decided by my former spouse and myself. I had never worked and although I had a 4 year degree, it is in Art History, which is about as useless as having NO degree.

But, when the signs showed the marriage was coming to an end, I thought about what I could do to support myself and did it with no help from anyone, so I was prepared when the end did arrive.”
huffingtonpost entry

The Psychology of the Victim

Commented Apr 23, 2011 at 21:26:36 in Divorce

“At the time I felt he was right about what he was doing and saying. He had the right because I was the stay at home non contributor, $ wise. He kept things so confusing and chaotic all the time [like wanting to move 17 times in 10 years] that I never had time to just stop and see him for what he really was. When I finally did, and exposed him to himself, and called it on him he left, but not before spending 42 days telling me he had to leave me because I was not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Our house wasn't good enough.[complaining I never replaced the base trim in the house and we did not have granite counter tops!] Now, I know he does not have the right to hurt me or our kids but he is able to do so quite well through the family court system. He lies, commits blatant perjury and when I called District Attorney about it they said they do not prosecute civil perjury cases. So bottom line is he can lie his soul out to cause harm and hurt to our kids and I through the courts because no one is going to punish him for it. The women in my DV survivors group all agree the beatings were easier to deal with than the abusers lawyer and the courts because now the abuser has a legal way to punish the victim for standing up for themselves.”
huffingtonpost entry

The Psychology of the Victim

Commented Apr 17, 2011 at 23:56:01 in Divorce

“I should be dead. That's what I thought when I read this article. I was married to a guy like this. After he beat me while I was pregnant, cut my finger off, killed my daughters kitten in front of her, pushed me down, and tried to choke the life out of me and other horrors, he left me for another woman who has no clue who he is. I have since found out he date raped and beat a 13 year old when he was 15 and was arrested for a DV assault on another girl 1 year before we were married. I tried to tell the new woman but she thinks he is "the greatest" and he would never do that to her because he loves her and did not love me!! I truly do believe he will kill someone someday. Her, her kids, or a pet. He still gets daytime visitation with my kids and he will soon get overnights. I shudder when they go. He was ordered to DV treatment for a year but it is a joke here in Washington State. I would have left years ago but with kids you never get away from creeps like this. When you try to divorce they find the sociopathic lawyer to pick up where the abuser left off. Lately I ask myself " How can I avoid being another victim and avoid the victim mentality?”

kellygreen on May 2, 2011 at 12:23:46

“By taking control over what is within your power to control. How you respond to take care of yourself and your children. You cannot controly your ex (who sounds like a genuine psychopath). You cannot control (or help) the woman who is involved with him now...and you cannot control the court system.

It sounds like you cannot get away from him...but you can put as much distance between him and you as you can, and help rebuild the lives of your children by making it clear that their father is one very sick man...and they neither deserve (nor are responsible for) anything that he might do to them. Then be the best mother to them you can possibly be.”

JianinaMadariaga on Apr 22, 2011 at 18:07:31

“For u to ask that is smart! U have obviously learned a lesson (not to be in that situation again). Knowledge=power, power=strength. Gain knowledge wherever u can so that ur strong in this area. Read...books about power, books of effective communication. What u want to do is learn how to use ur words and work ur thoughts in a manner that is strong and effective so u can lead and be respected in all coversations. Not being a victim starts by insuring that no one verbally disrespects/abuses u! Typically abuse starts verbally and gets physical! Practice acts of maturity and strength throughout ur day with ur children, family &/or ur partner. Look at all aspects of ur life and address all situations where u give in. Do children ask for things and u say no but some how they get it anyway...STOP that. Regain control of all things in ur life and when u do, that one thing that is out of sorts will be easy to see and fix. U have to also look at urself and see urself for only ur good qualities! Its not only having confidence but being confident when someone tests ur confidence! People will value u at what u think u build ur self worth!...To do that,change ur perspective about urself. The key is to maintain composer, power is not aggressive or is assertive and fair!! Above all, hava a zero tolerance for abuse!!”

lowery2008 on Apr 22, 2011 at 13:09:37

“Justinst4all please remember at all times that no one has the right to make you feel inferior though words or violence. If there is a person in your life that does please leave them immediately . You are strong. This is evident in the fact that you tried to stand up for a woman you don't know and tell her about your ex. You can avoid being a victim mentally by realizing that he has no right to hurt you or your children. No one has the right to hurt another.”