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Prostitution Johns Are Not The Men Next Door, Study Claims

Prostitution Johns Are Not The Men Next Door, Study Claims

Commented Apr 1, 2013 at 18:11:14 in Women

“Thanks your reply.
Trust my response throws some clarity on the difference in sexual / attitudes
"conditioning" between men / women.
I had three (counselling ) clients, 2 men, 1 woman. They did'n't know each other but they all had similar situations i.e. out of the "relationship saddle / intimacy" for a long time.
I gave similar advice to all 3 i.e. see a professional Escort to get some "practice" in a safe, non-judgmental environment.
The 2 men by-passed my advice - but continued to see me as their counsellor.
They rejected the advice - but - NOT ME, the whole person, as their counsellor.
The woman was aghast and almost (literally) fell off her chair on the floor.
She stopped seeing me altogether.
She rejected me TOTALLY , the whole person, as counsellor - BECAUSE of that particular piece of advice.
The men were able / willing to reject a PIECE - but MAINTAIN the WHOLE.
But, the woman rejected the WHOLE - because of just ONE PIECE.
I think this speaks volumes about the differences in "conditioning" between men and women when it comes to sex and things sexual.....”

enhancedvibes on Apr 2, 2013 at 09:32:52

“With respect, I find those to be a totally irrelevant series of anecdotes that you are ascribing meaning to, to rationalize what occurred.

I think suggesting any client see an escort (and not, say, a sex surrogate, someone trained to do that job or even a sex therapist for that matter) is horrible advice, from any clinical standpoint.

To think it would be good advice to a woman as it would to a man just speaks to your filtering counseling advice as a man, which speaks to your counseling style.

It should be obvious, given women do not think the same way about sex (again due to the totally fuct up things women are taught at a young age about their bodies, sex and sexuality), that a recommendation for a man would not be as good for a woman - since men and women are not the same in that regard.”
Prostitution Johns Are Not The Men Next Door, Study Claims

Prostitution Johns Are Not The Men Next Door, Study Claims

Commented Apr 1, 2013 at 17:46:17 in Women

“Thanks for taking the time to respond.
In light of the article's content, I think my market research is valid.
I could write volumes about it for you - and you WOULD be surprised - just as I was.
Surprised by the quality and "normality" of those who work in the sex industry, surprised by their backgrounds and lives away from their work - e.g. policemen who moonlight to earn more money, lawyers who Escort on weekends to balance their corporate world. Surprised by how SIMILAR men / women actually CAN BE when the "public" masks come off and they're not in fear of being critiqued / "judged".
Surprised by how "normal" and everyday the clients are.
As to "violence".....I commented that around 30% (almost a third) were Men seeking MEN - NOT women. Do you also consider this as "violence towards MEN" ?
Illegality will change nothing - other than to invite "criminal elements" into the industry and make it all dangerous and sordid.
Given all the machinations / camouflage / deceptions / "games" in relating between men / women.....is it "better" to have sex with a stranger you've picked up in a bar / party / conference or to do the same thing with a stranger....a professional you pay?
If you take out the financial transaction....is it really very different at all ???”
Prostitution Johns Are Not The Men Next Door, Study Claims

Prostitution Johns Are Not The Men Next Door, Study Claims

Commented Mar 31, 2013 at 18:04:49 in Women

“In Australia, licensed Escort Agencies are 100% legal - so there's no "criminality" attached to Escort or client.
I've worked extensively with Male / Female Escorts - talked with them, interviewed counselled, gone with them on "jobs", sat in Escort Agency reception areas as the calls came seeking Escorts. And, over a period of some months.
Here's my first hand "market research".
The type of client is extensive ranging from diplomats to elite sports men to white collar senior - junior managers to tradesmen to unemployed to disabled.
Age groups from late teens to high 70's (yes, you read it right ! )
Backgrounds from white Australian to European to North American to Asian.
Mostly "Christian".....few Jewish men, even fewer men from Muslim or Buddhist faiths /beliefs.
About 30% of ALL calls, men seeking men - very common, "visiting" married (to women) men seeking a man.
Most Escorts were treated with dignity, manners by their clients. "Bad treatment" was the EXCEPTION - NOT the general rule.
Only 2 calls in a 100 from women seeking men.
Much more common, calls from married women seeking threesomes with another woman or man.
Generally speaking, most women are aghast at the thought of "paying for sex" - whilst most men are not.
I think that's because most men accept, acknowledge, sex and their sexuality as "normal", natural, "unconditional".
I don't think the same can always be said of most women.
This work provided me with MANY surprises !”

enhancedvibes on Apr 1, 2013 at 15:11:39

“I co-sign on are you kidding's comment.

Men are conditioned to believe they need to be constantly seeking sex and increasing numbers of sexual partners. Combine this with being forced to start suppressing emotions at a young age through learning "masculinity" is what results in men being less concerned about seeking sex wherever they can, even if this means paying for it. Women find the idea of paying for sex appalling for a variety of valid reasons.

'I think that's because most men accept, acknowledge, sex and their sexuality as "normal", natural, "unconditional". "

This is actually very important statement because women are not taught this - and men are actively taught this - thus hetero men and women constantly engaging in conflict when tryng to date and relate.”

are you kiddin on Mar 31, 2013 at 23:48:45

“Maybe that's because most women want/need an emotional connection with the person they have sex with. To many men sex is just an action, it doesn't matter much who it is with as long as they can dump their load in someone. This type of business treats women as a commodity not a human being. It should be illegal everywhere. This is why women are still oppressed in 2013. There can never be equality in prostitution. It is violence against women.”
End Of The World On Christmas Eve? Mayan Calendar's 13th Baktun May Actually End December 24

End Of The World On Christmas Eve? Mayan Calendar's 13th Baktun May Actually End December 24

Commented Dec 23, 2012 at 15:18:24 in Weird News

“What's a " FALSE-TRUTH" ??
A false-truth exists when people BELIEVE something is "TRUE" - when, in REAL truth - it actually IS NOT.
NO human being is immune from false-truths. We can ALL be fooled - regardless of how well fed, well read, well educated, well rich, well enlightened, well "advanced", well "spiritual", well smart, we think we are. ALL of us have a "blind-spot" - somewhere - which dazzle, seduce, intimidate or trick us into believing / fearing that something is "true" - when it is not.
Blind spots create "authority-GODS" of our hopes and fears.
Ignorance, FALSE-HOPES, FALSE-FEARS, create FALSE-TRUTHS.
The Spiritual / New Age movement's dogmas / doctrines /beliefs are as FULL of false-truths
as are the mainstream, traditional, old-age religious faiths.
The Spiritual / New Age people present us with OLD AGE paradigms / beliefs dressed up in NEW clothing.
FORM may be different - but SPIRIT is just the SAME as it ever was......”
December 21 Mayan Apocalypse Observances Fueled By Mysticism And Internet

December 21 Mayan Apocalypse Observances Fueled By Mysticism And Internet

Commented Dec 20, 2012 at 15:02:32 in Religion

“It's already the morning of Friday 21st December here in sunny downtown Australia.
This reporter is pleased to advise that the world is still purring along....no pole reversals...no motherships inthe sky.....no smiling Aliens popping in to say "Hello"......just a lovely early summer's morning.
The kangaroos are munching on the grasses and the birds are all chirping and chattering away with each other
Animals / birds are great "early warning" systems. They pick up the prevailing planetary vibration in advance. Need to be concerned re cyclones , earthquakes, bushfires etc ?
Check out your dogs, cats and surrounding wildlife. If they're afraid and "running" then so too should you. If they're relaxed and stable, then you can be, too.
I've long asked why this "prophecy" had so much "credibility" and authority.
But hey ! Who ever really listened to me - besides myself, that is.
Still - I'm glad I listened to me - instead of following the tribes and the hordes......”
Iyanla Vanzant on Women Friends... And Why They Can't Get Along (VIDEO)

Iyanla Vanzant on Women Friends... And Why They Can't Get Along (VIDEO)

Commented Nov 30, 2012 at 16:10:03 in OWN

“In my professional/personal/counselling/therapy experiences with men and women, gnerally speaking, women are FAR, FAR, FAR MORE CRITICAL, nit-picking AND HARDER-TO-PLEASE than men !!
Men are far more likely to criticize something / somebody SPECIFIC - women are far more likely to criticize ANYTHING, EVERYTHING, ANYBODY, EVERYBODY !! And be MUCH harder-to-please because of that. And perhaps be more difficult to live with /work with because of it, too.
I think it's all much more to do with there being MUCH more pressure and conditioning and "requirement" for women to be 'PERFECT'. (Men can get away with much LESS "perfection" ).”
The Butter Infographic: Telling Us What We Want To Hear

The Butter Infographic: Telling Us What We Want To Hear

Commented Nov 30, 2012 at 15:40:34 in Taste

“I've worked on what I call BODY-COMPATIBLE-FOODS........meaning.....foods/substances which are naturally "compatible" with our Biology and Physiology.
Rule-of-thumb: the less processed/chemically filled/synthetically loaded we consume, the healthier we're likely to be.
Butter IS a body-compatible-food !! YAY !!! ( I only eat butter - NO margarine or similar ).
Butter is however, a high energy (calorie ) food so if you're watching your calories, keep your butter in reasonable proportions.
The Liver ramps up its cholesterol production when it gets IRRITATED. REAL BUTTER does NOT irritate your liver (it's compatible) - but, chemicals/synthetics/processing can and DO. (they're NON-compatible.)
(I'm a butter-eater-and-a-coffee-drinker - but - BUTTER IN COFFEE ???? )”

tettoffensive on Nov 30, 2012 at 17:01:56

“I know it sounds gross but I actually tried it and it's really like using heavy cream in your coffee. BUT...you have to use UNSALTED and you have to EMULSIFY it with a blender or something similar. It really makes you feel awake and boosts your mood without the wired feeling and no crash. I always have a lot of creative ideas running through my head afterward. If it really still grosses you out try coconut butter it is good for you too.

As for restricting your calories...calories in/out is a myth. just restrict your carbohydrates.”
World's Most Livable City Is..

World's Most Livable City Is..

Commented Aug 18, 2012 at 17:52:04 in World

“Gumnut....
I'm not your "Darl" or your "Mate" any more than you are mine....”
World's Most Livable City Is..

World's Most Livable City Is..

Commented Aug 17, 2012 at 17:41:17 in World

“LET'S ALL SING...THE...VEGEMITE SONG !....

"We're happy little Vegemites, as happy as can be,
we all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea.
Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single day
because we love our Vegemite, we all enjoy our Vegemite
It puts a rose in every cheeeek ! "

Hey Maaaate.....please...don't call me "Darl"...”

gumnutbaby on Aug 17, 2012 at 21:27:19

“"I said "Luv", I said ""Darl", I said "Pet".....,

Funny, I had an international student pull me up for exactly the same thing just recently with "Ma'am, why do Australian ladies always call me Daaaarrrlllllll?"

So sorry Mate....
actually the song I've been singing lately (not out loud, mind) is "the Phillip Ruddock Blues"......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWIXZzg2KJI
World's Most Livable City Is..

World's Most Livable City Is..

Commented Aug 15, 2012 at 19:15:01 in World

“To AmExpat:
Yes, there really is a charm and sweetness to Hobart and Tasmania.
Standing on top of Mount Wellington overlooking Hobart on a clear day is a panorama to die for.
If I were Tourism Tasmania this would be my by-line:
"TASMANIA......Close to everything...but a world apart...."
And don't you live currently in such a splendid city ! St Petersberg is a marvel of vision, engineering and architecture - the Venice of the North.
(Just a P.S. You would'nt happen to be a representative of an "outside marauder or conquering'
power that Russians are so on guard against...now would you ??? )”
World's Most Livable City Is..

World's Most Livable City Is..

Commented Aug 15, 2012 at 19:02:32 in World

“I see you are familiar with the famous Australian children's story - " THE GUMNUT TWINS".
Which one are YOU - " HONEY POT" or "CUDDLE PIE" ??”

gumnutbaby on Aug 17, 2012 at 09:26:12

“Had you seen me first thing this morning you probably would have thought.."nah, more like the big bad banksia man!"

I'm an Aussie, Darl...thought the Weddo's vid and lyrics would have made that a dead give away!”
World's Most Livable City Is..

World's Most Livable City Is..

Commented Aug 14, 2012 at 19:17:57 in World

“Darn but it is good to live in Australia !
(And Melbourne really IS a very "liveable" city. And the climate really is'nt THAT bad. Especially when compared to , say, Helsinki ! )
Adelaide is a smaller version of Melbourne. And Perth is like some grand oasis on the edge of semi-desert, blessed with brash confidence and a Mediterrean climate.
Sydney? Hmmm....Don't ever want to live there again.....beautiful location....exciting to visit....uber difficult to drive around and uber humid in summer...and expensive !
My personal favourite by far is HOBART, in Australia's smallest, island state, TASMANIA.
THE very best of everything there - provided you can stand the really cold winters and unpredictable summers.
Mega blessings to the Noble Land Australia !”

mercymaker on Aug 15, 2012 at 19:15:01

“To AmExpat:
Yes, there really is a charm and sweetness to Hobart and Tasmania.
Standing on top of Mount Wellington overlooking Hobart on a clear day is a panorama to die for.
If I were Tourism Tasmania this would be my by-line:
"TASMANIA......Close to everything...but a world apart...."
And don't you live currently in such a splendid city ! St Petersberg is a marvel of vision, engineering and architecture - the Venice of the North.
(Just a P.S. You would'nt happen to be a representative of an "outside marauder or conquering'
power that Russians are so on guard against...now would you ??? )”

Am-Expat on Aug 15, 2012 at 01:01:51

“Hobart gets my vote also. Even though I was just a tourist, I did not find Sydney that interesting, liked Melbourne more, international cosmopolitan city. Weather is typical for a maritime climate, changeable which I like. It is closer to my San Francisco. But I moved to a city known for harsh winters, St Petersburg Russia 9 years ago and LOVE It!, Exciting, cultural capital with unending cultural activities, a great socializing city that has everyone under 45 out in it every night. There is a small Oz ex-pat community here, who generally love it also. I even like the winters. Helsinki on the list, really is a beautiful spotless, wonderful city that is build for cold weather so it is comfortable in the long winters. It is best for families since the services are tops but they usually come to St Petersburg for fun.”

gumnutbaby on Aug 14, 2012 at 20:54:25

“"But oh oh, won't you meet me
Under the clocks, we'll go walking by the river
Through the mud and through the slime
Are you so surprised,
That I am here, full of cheer
In this fair city, in the Winter time."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZVZeGpD-zk

Ningli on Aug 14, 2012 at 19:43:31

“Yep, I feel pretty lucky living in Perth...most of the time. Even if we are one of the world's most isolated cities. Come on Summer :)”
Indian Government Spends $1.3 Million To Stop Auction Of Gandhi Letters That May Show He Was Gay

Indian Government Spends $1.3 Million To Stop Auction Of Gandhi Letters That May Show He Was Gay

Commented Jul 13, 2012 at 18:12:15 in Gay Voices

“This is not verbatim - there's a saying along the lines -
"Don't wish too hard to meet your hero face to face because if you do, you'll probably be disappointed ! "
Soooo TRUE ! We cannot bear our heroes. gurus, leaders, visionaries etc...to be "flawed" or "imperfect". Then, when it's revealed that they ARE ( they always are, somewhere, somehow) we allow their "imperfections" to dim whatever it is that made them "great" in our eyes.
Jesus could NOT be "sexual" could he. (tell everybody that he was a robust man who loved both wine and women - now an "imperfect" Jesus.)
Mary just HAD to have a SEXLESS pregnancyand birth, did'nt she.
Comedians just HAVE to ALWAYS be funny, don't they - both on and OFF the stage.
Elite/winning sportspeople just HAVE to be "spotless" PEOPLE don't they - not merely gold-class sportspeople.
Leaders just HAVE to ALWAYS be patient and tireless, don't they.
"Good" people simply CANNOT EVER get "angry" can they. ("Anger = BAD" !)
"Well adjusted/healthy" people just CANNOT EVER be "NEEDY", can they.
"Spiritual" people simply ALWAYS have to be in a state of "unconditional love", don't they.
Don't get tooo excited about meeting Extraterestrials face to face. Undoubtedly, you'll be disappointed because they won't meet your expectations/hopes/dogmas either.
Keep distance between yourselves and your heroes. That way, you'll continue to be inspired by them. (human beings can be terribly harsh and cruel when faced with "imperfections" ).”

Hopalongpoppyseed on Jul 13, 2012 at 19:30:48

“'Every hero becomes at last a bore.' Emerson”
Mayan Calendar 'End Date' Seen In Ancient Text, But Scientists Say It Doesn't Refer To World's End

Mayan Calendar 'End Date' Seen In Ancient Text, But Scientists Say It Doesn't Refer To World's End

Commented Jun 29, 2012 at 17:53:59 in Science

“At this point, I think I'll scream out - "I TOLD YOU SO " !
For some years now, I've been presenting that all these Mayan "prophecies" were a product of "mis-interpretation." And I've been considered out-of-step with the vast majoroity of spiritual people, New Agers. ET people and others who were absolutely CONVINCED and totally CERTAIN that their "truths" were TRUE!
This is a classic case of how a possible theory morphs into absolute, rock solid "truth" which the majority then pick up and accept, preach and teach it, form rigid doctrines and dogmas about it, becomes the yardstick to which everything else is evaluated up against - and then, any "out-of-stepper" (like myself) is blah blahed and pooh poohed as knowing nothing!
No wonder I never "succeeded" among the spiritual people, the New Agers and the ET "experts" because I kept putting up the "Light" to their various rigid dogmas, doctrines and "absolute truths" - especially all the "absolute CERTAINTIES" about Extraterrestrials.
Just goes to show that once the psyche "accepts" something as "true" (regardless of whether it really IS "true" or not) people preach it, teach it, act on it. live by it - and then will "fight" for it and damn others when someone (like me) comes along and cautions - "well now...hold on...maybeeee NOT so "true" after all...."”
Hey America -- 'Can You Hear Me Now?!' Obama, Verizon, and Executive Power Run Amok

Hey America -- 'Can You Hear Me Now?!' Obama, Verizon, and Executive Power Run Amok

Commented Jun 6, 2013 at 17:25:43 in Politics

“"Where are those voices, now" ? asks the author.
I was one of those "voices".
and my "voice" changed nothing at all.....except for my own life - which was wrecked.
I spoke truth allright - well before most others were doing so and well before it was so obvious (like now).
But, I received no support whatsoever from other people.
Indeed, what I DID receive was abuse, terror, ridicule, disbelief,.
I was thumped and thundered in all areas of my life - for my efforts.
And NOBODY stood in my corner to help me out.
Those who didn't know didn't believe me (or care).
Those who did know either participated or simply watched on and did nothing.
After some years of that - you just give up.”
Will You Be Truly Happy If You Win the Lottery?

Will You Be Truly Happy If You Win the Lottery?

Commented May 27, 2013 at 18:50:22 in Business

“Here's the priceless "gift" of wealth.....FREEDOM of CHOICE.....
Freedom of Choice is one of the prime, key elements of "Happiness".....
Ask an impoverished person how much "choice" they have in life and their level of choices.
They'll tell you "not much, not many"......very limited.....
If you've ever been truly "without", impoverished, such as.....holes in your shoes and cannot buy new ones....freezing in winter, physically hungry, telephone/utilities cut off....you'll know just how much "choice" you do NOT have !
And you'd never look down on wealth - or the wealthy - and elevate "without" to sainthood and nobility !
And you'd never ask this question about lottery winnings and wealth - because you'd already know the answer !
Here's to delicious. lovely wealth, public lotteries, big wins and fortunate winners !
Don't EVER deny / decry someone their prosperity, wealth or good fortune.....”
400 PPM

400 PPM

Commented May 11, 2013 at 18:55:33 in Green

“We Human Beings make the error of believing that we "own" the Planet.
But, we don't.
We are the tenants, stewards. The Planet is the landlord.
And the landlord is mighty pissed off that the tenants are trashing the real estate.
The landlord has been around for billions of years and can happily live without its trashy tenants.
However, the tenants constantly forget (or ignore) the truth that they - the tenants - cannot live
here happily without the grace, favour, bounty, say-so and the extraordinary care
and all the goodies provided by the landlord.
But the tenants continue to believe (or hope) that they own and rule the place. Therefore they can do as and when they please, without any accountability.
Back in 2010, using the marker of the date of the British election - May 2010 - I said publicly that our "window" of opportunity would close around 40 months from that time. Give or take. Perhaps a little more, maybe a little less.
The window closed at 36 months - that's now, May 2013.”

jqmoon on May 12, 2013 at 11:15:41

“Well said. Let's just hope the Landlord doesn't evict us before we come to our senses.”
The Huge Downside To Being In Control All The Time

The Huge Downside To Being In Control All The Time

Commented Mar 24, 2013 at 04:13:08 in Women

“RealistBC.....just so this doesn't simply turn into a free counselling session....
No. I'm NOT " claiming" that it's her "duty....I'm NOT playing "psychic" here....
I'm putting it to you that in situations such as you've described with your "controlling wife", the "control" is (usually) related to Responsibility which in turn, is (usually) related to "duty" and "obligation" and "must do" and "have to" etc....
It's not for me to "tell" you what it is....I'm suggesting you ask your wife about her "responsibility".
And, just one suggestion for YOU....a question to ask yourself...(NO need to answer me....)
Why does it all bother YOU so much ?......
P.S. Just another suggestion.....when some complete stranger....such as me.....makes the effort to offer you something which may assist your situation, you might make the effort to thank the complete stranger....such as me....for bothering about your situation at all.
Think of it this way: for just a few moments, a complete stranger - that's Me - put YOU at the top of my priorities to pay a little attention to - out of 7 billion people on the planet...just briefly, YOU were at the top of my list.
Unless you pay me handsome $$$$$ for the service, there won't be a "next time"....”

RealistBC on Mar 24, 2013 at 20:25:02

“No one who advises for pay can be trusted.”
The Huge Downside To Being In Control All The Time

The Huge Downside To Being In Control All The Time

Commented Mar 23, 2013 at 17:38:43 in Women

“RealistBC.
Your wife DOES think she's "achieving something with her life".
Her "achievement" comes from taking RESPONSIBILITY for the lives of the rest of the family........BEING "responsible" for the rest of the family...believing that she HAS to be responsible for the rest of the family....believing that it's here ROLE.....her DUTY.....here OBLIGATION to be responsible and in "control" of the lives of the family.
Contrary to popular opinion and urban myth....."control" - as you've described it - is NOT usually related to POWER...but to RESPONSIBILITY.
Stop telling your wife she needs to stop trying to be in control of the rest of the family.
Start ASKING your wife WHY she believes she HAS to take ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY for the rest of the family......”

CoachNelly2 on Mar 24, 2013 at 09:44:15

“You got all that from one sentence?”

RealistBC on Mar 23, 2013 at 21:52:07

“Everyone she "mother-hens" -which you claim is her duty- is a legal adult. She can stand down from that duty - but won't.”
What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

Commented Mar 19, 2013 at 17:16:31 in Women

“To LA RAM....
"Merci, Monsieur" for your gracious comments.......
For completion, just a few words of "fun"......

"When you're 20, you believe you're 10 feet tall and bulletproof.
By the time you're 30, you're having suspicions that this may NOT be true.
By the time you're 40, you're ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that it's NOT true ! "”
What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

Commented Mar 18, 2013 at 18:44:22 in Women

“LA RAM - thanks your reply, too.
The "feeling" of uncertainty.....the REACTION we call "fear" IS a normal, healthy human condition.
However, "fear" so often receives really "bad press" !
There's nothing "wrong" / sinful / defective / ungodly / unspiritual / backward / second grade etc...about being fearful.
What really counts is what we DO within our fears, or because of them.
Fear CAN give us - either - the sharpest truth - OR - our biggest ignorance and our greatest mistake.
Like any other human condition....always TWO sides to the coin.
To finish here....best advice I can give you.....
1) Acknowledge the fear IS "real" - to YOU
2) Make the effort to UNDERSTAND your fear - usually the big, scary "monster" will diminish to a Pigmy !
3) Don't use your "fear" as "justification" for hostility / harm to your fellow Man.
4) When you've made a wrong judgement call, don't be "afraid" to admit your mistake and make apology or compensation.”

mercymaker on Mar 19, 2013 at 17:16:31

“To LA RAM....
"Merci, Monsieur" for your gracious comments.......
For completion, just a few words of "fun"......

"When you're 20, you believe you're 10 feet tall and bulletproof.
By the time you're 30, you're having suspicions that this may NOT be true.
By the time you're 40, you're ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that it's NOT true ! "”

LA RAM on Mar 19, 2013 at 12:54:50

“Mercymaker,
 
Yes, what wonderful advice. Thank you for elaborating on this and sharing your view.  I hope that others read it as well, are positively guided, and follow your wise and insightful suggestions.
 
The comment above you share should be published somewhere it is so good.”
What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

Commented Mar 17, 2013 at 17:52:43 in Women

“LA RAM: "Fear" is just a normal, natural, instinctive reaction to what / who we perceive as uncertain / unknown related to our healthy "survival".
Fear is also related to "healthy-respect-for" e.g. if you walk through the jungle, have a healthy respect for the lions and tigers ! In cases like this, fear is caution + wisdom !
But, so often, our fears are unwarranted, unfounded, irrational and formed from our ignorance or prejudices. Then we can get overwhelmed and blinded. We make silly decisions. Do things we later regret. (Or do nothing because we're paralyzed by our fears.)
However, there are situations / people where we really DO need to exercise our healthy-respect-for and caution + wisdom.
I guess the "trick" is to recognize when we do need to and when we don't.”

LA RAM on Mar 18, 2013 at 13:27:53

“mercymaker,
 
Yes, I totally agree with that. Thanks for writing.”
What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

What I Know About Fear Now That I'm In My 40s

Commented Mar 16, 2013 at 17:46:53 in Women

“GREAT ARTICLE !
"Fear" IS normal! Life IS insecure.
I've learned to steer clear of anything or anybody who tells us otherwise.
In the latest Will Smith movie, his character says that "fear is a CHOICE".
NO. It's NOT . Whatever action you take or decision you make because of the Fear - THAT'S the choice - but, not the fear, itself.
Attempting to live without fear is akin to attempting to say alive without breathing.
Don't be afraid to acknowledge your fears because denial won't help you make sound, healthy choices.
This is what I used to teach:
F = FALSE
E = EVIDENCE
A = APPEARING
R = REAL

I DON'T teach this any more - because, sometimes, its not "false" and sometimes, it is "real" with "good" reason !
"Heroes" are not people who don't fear......heroes are people who FACE their fears - with COURAGE.....”

LA RAM on Mar 17, 2013 at 09:16:05

“I do believe that 99% of the time FEAR is indeed false evidence appearing real. Maybe 100% of the time, but I'll give you the 1% for the rare exceptions its not.”
Unforgivable Hurt: Eight Ways To Heal

Unforgivable Hurt: Eight Ways To Heal

Commented Jan 6, 2013 at 17:01:54 in Divorce

“Happyclam88.
My comments are NOT referring to the abused person "forgiving" their abusers - they refer to the abused person "forgiving" THEMSELVES !
Professionals around abused persons know that one of the prime difficulties (for the abused) is that deep down, the "abused" believes (or wonders) that the abuse was all THEIR "fault"...that there MUST have been something so "wrong" about them that they "invited" or "deserved" the cruelties inflicted upon them.
(regrettably, religious, New Age, Spiritual dogmas BACK UP these sorts of beliefs!)
e.g. "God" is punishing you......it's your Karma......YOU CHOSE THIS !......
YOU gave PERMISSION !.....WE "agreed" THIS on some other dimension....etc.....

As to "dump them out of your life"....what advice would YOU give someone when
they (seemingly) find it really difficult, or near impossible to do the "dumping" ??
When the abused is just one person outnumbered by many ?? When the abusers
are so very powerful they have their energetic "claws" stuck into you...when your abusers have re-arranged your MIND (literally!) so much and so badly that it takes you a looooong time to even consciously RECOGNIZE that you ARE being abused??
When the abusers have the ability to DIS- EMPOWER you by BLOCKING OFF your
CONSCIOUS RECOGNITION ??
What advice do YOU give to the person in this type of situation???”

happyclam88 on Jan 7, 2013 at 03:49:28

“Ok, I get what you're saying. I'm not so into blaming myself because I had no idea what was going on and, luckily for me (?) he's been such a git since I kicked him out that it's pretty easy to see just how messed up he is.  
But you're right in that a lot of people do blame themselves...it's the legacy of the abuser. Heck, my serial cheating ex tried to blame me for his massive amounts of cheating by saying I wasn't this, that or teh other thing 'enough'.  I laughed, as it had been going on for so long that he'd have to be one heck of a sucker for punishment if he stuck around that long putting up with my 'terrible' self. Abusers just want someone to blame as looking at their own actions and taking responsibility seems near impossible for them.   ”
Unforgivable Hurt: Eight Ways To Heal

Unforgivable Hurt: Eight Ways To Heal

Commented Jan 5, 2013 at 16:30:47 in Divorce

“What does "forgiveness" really mean ?
Forgiveness = FREEDOM = RELEASE.
The MOST important an abused (I won't say "victim") needs to "release" is THEMSELVES.
"Release" from what ?
"Release / Freedom" from the belief / doubt that they (themselves) were the root cause of the abuse.
Freeing themselves from the notion that it was/is WHO they ARE which "caused" their abusers to inflict their abuse onto them.
Release from taking ALL the RESPONSIBILITY ( for both themselves AND their abusers )
about the situation.
Freedom from denial that the abuse DID occur and then attempting to "manage" their hurt and what it did to their lives.
Freedom to admit that one's fellow human beings CAN be (and sometimes, ARE ) such dreadful, awful, brutal sods who sometimes DO do horrible things - just because they CAN , and can get away with it, without accountability.
Release from attempting to "reason" with it all.....trying to figure out "why".....

All the above applies when the abuse was a once-off event.
But, when the abuse was repeated and repeated over a long period of time, then it applies
TEN- FOLD.
In situations of abuse (of whatever kind ) the person to focus all your forgiving, kind, loving,
understanding, reasoning, resolving, releasing, freedom energies on is NOT your abuser
- but YOURSELF.”

happyclam88 on Jan 6, 2013 at 04:14:04

“Baloney. There is no need to forgive someone who has abused and even less if the abuse is repeated. Dump them out of your life, get strong, learn lessons and move on. Forgive? Who cares. Just leave them to destroy their lives on their own.”
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