“The problem comes in when they are both working that much. I'm just not sure how anyone can work this much and not resent it unless they do something rewarding that they love for a living, and most people don't.”
“Let me clarify the bills issue, they are "our" bills which my husband decides what we need (I do not think we need 100 channels on our TV for instance and if it were up to me we wouldn't have it among many other similar bills that add up to hundreds of dollars every month). They are not "my" bills per se in fact any bill that is in my name only is considered a low priority. Again I recognize this is a personal problem and I have plenty of male friends that are in the same boat as me. Still, I could not maintain even a standard of living that is anywhere reasonable on my salary alone, and I am not by far a minimum wage worker.”
WilliamL on Nov 24, 2011 at 07:35:28
“The point is, the primary income earner dictates where the money is spent. For those from the outside, in theory it sd. not be this way and it sd not but for those in such situations, it is the way it is. The spouse who earns more, male or female, is the one who dictates where the money is spent and how.”
Still Posting on Nov 23, 2011 at 14:04:24
“Dump your man.
Pay off your bills.
Scale down your lifestyle.
Otherwise, you just keep repeating the same mistakes every thirty days.”
EdCorey1971 on Nov 23, 2011 at 11:40:02
“Oh.....I understand what you are saying fully. Sounds like married life too me, LOL. My wife takes care of the finances in our house...I know that she is better at it and I don't care to do it. She uses Quicken on her cpu...man she's thoural and I love it. She keeps us on track and I normally consult her before making more bills. :)”
“An hour drive to work each way, an hour "off" for lunch, and 8 hours working is 11 hours a day all day long. Try to run errands while you are in town and do something as important as going to the gym a couple of times a week (just enough to keep your health from declining - not enough to improve your fitness) and now you have a 13 hour day (60+ hour a week)”
enhancedvibes on Nov 23, 2011 at 12:23:39
“It's hard not to resent working so much when one person has more work to do around the home when they get there and the other mostly relaxes after work. Yes, I agree.”
enhancedvibes on Nov 23, 2011 at 11:15:33
“I am not about to get into a discussion comparing some example of some man's work week with that of a woman who also works. Please, lets not go there.”
“Your right that it is my own issues that lead me to not have as much of a voice as I would like, but that rings true no matter who earns the money. But the fact that it takes more than one person can earn to survive is a product of the reaction of greedy business to the expectation of both partners working.”
enhancedvibes on Nov 23, 2011 at 11:12:48
“"But the fact that it takes more than one person can earn to survive is a product of the reaction of greedy business to the expectation of both partners working. "
I am not sure I agree with this given the rate of inflation since the 50s. It simply costs too much money, all across the country, even to live in a hovel of an apt.”
“If working and even making more money gave me financial independence that would be great. I have been independent,when I was single. But now I am stuck in a place where I work all the time and still must depend on my man to pay the rest of my bills and am not in a position to decide how our money is spent either. I do not have this problem because I am uneducated or unskilled. This is the times we live in. It ain't so great. I believe the expectation of a 2 income household is a huge contributor to our economic and social problems.”
EdCorey1971 on Nov 23, 2011 at 11:05:10
“Most people are "stuck" where they have to work all the time. Welcome to the real world... in my Morpheus voice. As far as you depending on your boyfriend "to pay the rest of your bills"....seems like he has his independence because he is more fiscally responsible. He didn't live above his means. But because "you have bills" he has to help you meet your financial oblations. Seems like he's the better economist in the relationship and unwilling to let your poor financial decisions take you both down.
But I agree with you fully that the expectations have changed from a 1 household income to a two household income being a major contributor to our economic and social problems. But people make their own choices. With the influx of women entering the workforce back in the day things changed and corporations used it to their advantage. How could greedy rich folk allow us to buy a house for 50,000 with two incomes in the house?”
enhancedvibes on Nov 23, 2011 at 09:35:24
“There isnt expectation so much as it is hard to even rent an apartment unless you make over a certain amount or there are two incomes. It isnt the trend of dual income households that have taken away your voice in the financial decisions. That is between you and your partner.”
Terence Manuel on Nov 23, 2011 at 09:28:24
“Sunny....not being a prick. But, have you seen a financial planner. I note you say "my bills" but "our oney." Why do you feel "stuck?" Is "my man" your husband?
If you work, it is your right to have a say on how the money is spent.
I just do not see how a two income household contributes to economics and social problems. If so, problems have solutions.
Sorry things are not so great. But, be positive and develop a plan. People just do not plan. I am a financial person, so I know the financial part of it. But it sounds like their is a greater dynamic going on with you and your man.
“Of course they would love to have a woman who makes lots of money. That's what's wrong with men today. They should have the balls to care about being the man and being the sole/primary provider, but that's no longer expected of them and they like that.”
Shaun Hensley on Nov 25, 2011 at 02:44:00
“What's it to you if a man doesn't want to take care of some other woman?”
natalienjackson on Nov 23, 2011 at 09:23:40
“U have got to be kidding me right?”
Terence Manuel on Nov 23, 2011 at 08:20:54
“Thank God most women have seen the light.
As a women you should NOT want this kind of financial/economic dependency on a man. Why don't you acquire the education and/or skill set to achieve an independent life? This is what YOU as a women should be striving to attain.
Women who are financially independent are happier and make better partners for men.”
rekky on Nov 23, 2011 at 07:54:41
“"They should have the balls to care about being the man and being the sole/primary provide"
“That happens 2 or 3 times in a lifetime, and half the time is planned in advance.”
k1979 on Nov 23, 2011 at 10:08:04
“It doesn't change the fact that an important member of the team is going to be out for 6 months a couple times. With amount of time out, it's hard for the rest of the employees to cover their work, and isn't long enough to make sense to bring in a temp. Whether we like it or not, this is a financial factor and in some companies, it does make a difference and lead to hiring a man over an equally qualified woman.”
“Mine were just constantly attached. I didn't think that was a problem. I had a snugli so I just strapped them on and let them help themselves - so no work at all. I find it a little funny that so many people complain about such a passive activity.”
Nov 21, 2011 at 11:05:26
UK Universities & Education
“Not only should it be mandatory, but it's importance recognized and different levels of ability respected and nurtured the way we do with reading and math. Those kids that don't do well in sports should be given classes geared to their skill level so that they can improve from where they are at instead of being "the last one picked for the team" etc. All classes at all levels should be made more fun and encouraging and include instruction in forming lifelong healthy habits.”
“Pumping so that you can "let him help" is a lot more work than just letting your baby nurse.It defeats the purpose of the convenience.”
Jenny-Ann on Nov 19, 2011 at 19:16:43
“For me pumping was way easier than nursing my children. I could pump 8 ounces in a few minutes but when my children nursed they'd nurse for hours and still not seem full. That's just my personal experience though.”
“No that's not it, I think that wanting your mate to be sexually inexperienced (or inexperienced in any significant area of life) as a qualification or feature that you prefer is just wrong. While promiscuity is not a positive thing in any way, to make it to older adulthood in our culture and never have sex is a unique situation that most likely would occur only if that person had strong beliefs or hangups that I find disturbing. Of course there could be exceptions on an individual basis (I think of the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" goofy guy but very nice. I think I could get past it but it wouldn't be a positive thing at all)”
“I found a better approach is to have condoms readily available where she can access them without having to ask anyone (like in a canister in the bathroom with a lid) and then if/when I start noticing them missing, approach her with the idea of -"does she want to get on the pill?". That way she isn't taking unnecessary hormonal medication, she's protected, and she has her privacy.
Teens should use condoms when they first start having sex because they are not likely to be in a long -term monogamous relationship yet. I have had good luck with this with all 3 girls - no unplanned pregnancies, no sluttiness either, and no huge fights where they shut me out. All waited to have sex until they were "ready" and later waited to have children until they wanted them.”
“I think the type of person who wants to have sex with a virgin as an adult corresponds to the kind of person that sees people as "goods".”
jcp1740 on Nov 18, 2011 at 20:51:16
“A Virgin by your standards is a very young girl.or very young Boy A Virgin should also be an un-married woman or an un-married man. it's apparent your virginity was long gone way before you married..and to Jessicadevyn I don't know anyone other than you that wouldn't want their spouce to be a Virgin. your claim that a Lot of people would hate to have sex with a Virgin is based on your belief only a very young person can be a virgin. if a woman has had sex with several men before marriage i would consider that woman used goods regardless if it meets your approval or not.experience isn't a virtue the lack of experience is.”
“why would you not breastfeed in church? A lot of churches have huge pictures of Mary Breastfeeding Jesus proudly displayed which in my mind makes it obvious that it IS appropriate (otherwise Jesus wouldn't be doing it there would he?)”
mtopgun44mag on Nov 17, 2011 at 19:50:17
“im sure of that lol i wouldnt have eitherlol!!!!!!!!!”
Jamie Zupo on Nov 17, 2011 at 19:31:58
“I really doubt she waited until the Wise Men left, if you know what I mean?”