How Happy is... 3 Easy Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Are you overly critical when you're in a relationship? Do you make too many demands of the other person? If you do, then these tips can help you love your partner for who they are, not who you want them to be. Each relationship you are in is an opportunity for you and your partner to help each other grow and to learn from one another. Here are three ways in which you can improve your existing relationship, or, if you're single, any future relationship in which you might find yourself.

1. Reality Vs Fantasy: Love your partner for who they are, not who you think they could be. It is so easy to want someone who has every amazing quality known to man and not settling until you get it. This fantasy allows you to always find an excuse to not make your current relationship work or to not get into one in the first place.

So maybe you're with someone who doesn't have all the qualities that you were hoping for in a partner and you find yourself criticizing them for it. It is very likely your requirements were unrealistic, more apt for a fantasy figure from a movie than a real person. This is your issue, not theirs. These are your wounds that you need to heal, not theirs. It is very hard for anyone to live up to another person's expectations, and when you have expectations and expect someone else to fulfill them, you are setting yourself up for a fall.

Remember, when you point one finger at someone else, four of them point back at you! You attract who you need to heal, which is often not who you think you need. Do yourself a favor and pinpoint your partner's five most lovable qualities. Give them a break on the less lovable ones! If you're single, then think of the five traits that you think you could absolutely not do without in a future relationship and let the others go.

2. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Do not judge your partner. Let them be themselves and make mistakes without you constantly criticizing their every move, because that will just cause hidden resentment that will build up over time and cause you both to be unhappy. Focus on their positive attributes and what they're amazing at. When you have an intimate moment together, remind them about all their amazing qualities and what you love about them. (You should easily be able to list ten in quick succession.) Their positives, no doubt, outweigh the negatives, otherwise you wouldn't be with them. You will see that by doing this, you will make them feel exceptionally appreciated and remind them of who they are. Also, you will find that the love and appreciation will come back in your direction, in spades.

3. How do you experience love? Maybe your partner does not love you in the way that you want, i.e., they don't hug you at the 'right' time or they don't touch you in the 'right' way. But perhaps they love you in 'their' way. Maybe they take you out for dinner or find it easy to give you compliments. However, if you are someone who is very tactile and experiences being loved by being touched, hugged and having lots of sex, then them taking you out for a meal or telling you how much they love you, may not be enough for you, and, as a result, you might feel that you aren't getting your needs met, as you aren't being touched enough. You might, on the other hand, be in a relationship with someone who is very tactile, but you are someone who experiences being loved when you are given flowers or are taken out for dinner.

My point is, that some people are more visual, some more auditory and some kinesthetic and you need to understand what you're partner's primary sense is and then you can react to it. If they like to be touched, then hug them more. If they are more auditory, then whisper 'sweet nothings' in their ear. By discovering what their needs are, you can respond to them and, in turn, by understanding what yours are, they can respond to yours.

I hope these tips help. Remember, if you want to contact me, please do so at [e-mail]

Comments

[metricfan]

I took relational communication and researched pornography in relationships. With everything I found about porn, I learned that it isn't that porn is necessarily bad, but that it is when the person is unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality that porn becomes a problem. Research on sexual offenders who used porn found they had very distorted ideas about women that were dangerous, which were reinforced by porn and never counter acted by positive sex education. I saw a MTV True Life episode about porn, and a guy literally said he watched porn so he wouldn't have to put up with a girl's "crap."

The fantasy v. reality thing is so important, and applicable to so many aspects in a person's life.

[therelationshipguy]

Great ideas. I've also found that it helps to not take things personally. If we react to every comment our significant other makes as if it's an attack, we rarely get to what's really going on in their mind. When we sit back and listen to their story we can learn new things about them and behave more appropriately. It really helps to practice excellent listening skills and just hang out with the other person. It's amazing what you learn when you don't let your stuff get in the way.

Take care,

Guy
http://www.myrelationshipguy.com

[gemzenith]

So by rule #3 a touch me should be with a touch me, a tell me should be with a tell me, and a give me should be with a give me.

[Highlyirritable]

#3 is a "make it or break it" concept. If you need touch and never get it, you can have follow numbers one and two to the letter and still be miserable. While I think this is good advice, I believe also that these things should be reciprocal. You can do some good by following them yourself, but if you have a partner who will not attempt any of these on their own, YOU ARE GOING TO BE MISERABLE. Sometimes, it's about the effort.

Jeni
http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com

[Cameleon]

"CALL IT QUITS" Is my atdvice at the firt "HINT" of trouble/infidelity. It will never be the same for suspectinng , suspecting the suspected.

[whit4brains]

#1 is good advice. In my last serious relationship I tried hard, but failed, to live up to the fantasy my ex had of who I should have been. That is an impossible task.

[phibma]

I especially appreciate suggestion #2 - "Judge not, lest ye be judged." It is important in a marriage to critique each other and to hold each other accountable. After all, being in a marriage relationship should improve both individuals and a big part of improvement is constructive feedback. However, the line needs to be drawn when it starts to put each other down or critiques are used to make one member of the marriage or relationship feel better. It makes no sense to be in a relationship with someone you love and to purposefully tear them down. I can imagine that once this cycle is started it is hard to break as each member begins to look for faults in the other. Thankfully, my wife and I of just over a year have not fallen victim to this cycle and this article is a reminder to avoid the trap of judging.

[OtayPanky]

phibma: It is important in a marriage to critique each other and to hold each other accountable.

===

It's SO important.

Keep doing what you're doing...an­d let us know how it works out for you.

[phibma]

Will do. Thanks for the added perspective!