How Happy Is... 5 Tips For First Time Dads

Some of you might have noticed that I disappeared off the Huffington Post for three months and that is because I just had a baby, who is now three months old. So with Father's day coming up, I wanted to give a few tips on how to be a good 'first time' Dad. However, even if you are not a new Dad you might find that there are one or two tips that you can take home too.

1.The loaf of bread. It can be very stressful being a new father as you have another mouth to feed. But I have often heard the phrase that 'every baby brings a loaf of bread' and it seems to be true. Ask any of your friend's who already have kids and they will tell you how, in one way or another, 'fortune smiled on them' when the new baby came. Most men are born to be fathers so it makes sense to let the natural transition happen. Keep relaxed and hold the space for your wife and child, as that can be very calming for the whole family, in amongst all the challenges that come with caring for a new member of the family.

2. Give Without Expectations. The reality of having to suddenly share your wife can often be quite hard on a man and many times the man can feel ignored. However, this is usually temporary. Unless you experience it yourself, it is hard to imagine the huge journey and affect the hormonal changes have on a woman, as she endlessly gives her energy out, whether it is during pregnancy, when she gives birth or breast feeding and caring for the baby. The best thing you can do is replenish her with unconditional love and support, and even though it may seem that you are not getting it directly back, remember she has just created a child for you. So learn to say "Yes Dear" and become her support system at this challenging time. It won't last forever.

3. Go on a Date. Please insist that you go on a date by yourselves once a week. Even if you are both really tired, it is important to get in to that routine quickly. You must keep connecting with each other and often it is the man who has to lead on this front at this particular time. Your relationship is number one and even though, in most cases, it is the woman who takes care of the partnership, she is temporarily on sabbatical from that role as so much else is on her mind. You are both shepherding a new soul in to the world, but it is wise to think long term, as eventually your child will leave the nest and you will be left staring at each other across the kitchen table.

4. Create a Routine. Don't be scared to be hands on as much as you can with your baby, so that you create your own special bond. Many men say that they didn't connect with their babies till later on, but a child needs a father as much as a mother from the start, if at all possible. Babies love routines, so create one whereby your baby knows that they are going to spend that particular time with you. Maybe when your baby wakes up it is you who always feeds and plays with them. Or maybe you are the one who always puts them to sleep.

5. Give Your Wife a Break. If you are a hands-on Dad, it will allow the mother to take some time off. Let your partner have one day off a week if possible, so she can get her nails or hair done, go shopping with a friend, or get a massage. This will allow her to feel like a woman again, rather than just a feeding machine. By having a break, she will come back fresh and you will find she will give you much more attention as you have supported her in taking time out to get herself back.

That's it for this week and if you want to be able to contact me please do so at [e-mail].

Comments

[Badbone]

Two of the five tips for men are "cater to the woman"? Maybe we'd get better guy tips from, I don't know, a man?

[AZBunny]

I'd LOVE to read a "Ten Years After I Wrote 5 Tips For First Time Dads."

Here's how mine turned out. Having a baby was extremely expensive. Much more so than I could have imagined. Child Care?? too expensive, we worked opposite shifts. No "loaf of bread" as you call it showed up.
Going out once a week by ourselves? if you mean separately....... well ONE of us did that. We couldn't afford to go out so while I worked nights my hubby put the baby to bed, leaving him alone and went out with his new girlfriend. As he put it "I wasn't going to stay home ALL the time and we couldn't afford a sitter AND go out"
Yeah he sort of took care of the baby, IF you count the "put him to bed" before going to meet his girlfriend. AND I guess he counted the time I was at work as time for myself.

Good luck

[whoknew---]

You and your baby were better off without this person. He was not an honorable man.

I hope your child has a father figure in his life that he can look up to and give him good guidance.

And I believe there are good men out there still, I hope you find one.

Good Luck.---

[MrMojoRisin]

...but i'm not bitter.

[mjegan59]

"New Mothers: 5 Things to Give to New Fathers for Father's Day." Here they are:
1. Appreciation: I respect you for the ways in which you have picked up the slack around our homeand have gone without so we have what we need for our daughter. Thank you for that.
2. Compassion: I know it must be hard for you that i am not as available to our relationship or to you when you have made yourself utterly available to me and to the baby. I love you all the more for this.
3. Time: I know that you have to go to work every day and to me that seems like enjoyable free time, but i know that it is the same work as it was before the baby was born - sometimes great, sometimes challenging, sometimes crappy. And I know you need time to connect with others, workout, and even take a shower.
4. Conversation: I will attempt to make time everyday for a conversation about things other than the baby like we used to do before she was born.
5. Honor: I honor the way you spend time with our daughter, the way you hold her, talk to her, dress her in uncoordinated outfits, take her on walks, play in the dirt and grass, . I know that she needs a father because fathers are different than mothers. I had a father too and it was half his love and interaction that made me who i am.

[TheSupersSon]

"...she has created a child for you..."

Last I heard, it took two to tango...

I thought the tone of this piece was odd. Like, "Dear Know-nothing male/lesser part of this equation, here are some of the best ways for you not to be a pain in your wife's ass after she has her kid 'for you'..."

[kbella]

I think she meant something along the lines of "she has carried and nurtured your child within her for 9 months allowing him/her to grow enough before being born." I'm nearly 100% positive she was not referring to the sex act.

[whoknew---]

I would add to that list try to have a sense of humor when things get rough, be extra kind to the mother and yourself when taking care of that life changing tiny person who will love you unconditionally while testing you every step of the way.

Also gather as many people around you who can help during this life changing event. Hopefully the kind that are willing to lend a hand or just somebody to listen your troubles while allowing you to make sound judgments when you feel ready to take on whatever task life gives you.

Good luck to all daddies (Happy First Father's Day)

[Vayle]

Different roles and experiences? Yes, of course.

Guys need to take time for themselves too. Where is this addressed? It seems like everything the article suggests that they do more for someone else. Guys need to recharge too and need to do things for themselves.The tips were supposed to be "for new dads".

Where's the advice that Dad take a break? Or that he needs to maintain his personal friendships and his identity and his support system of friends? These are important and can be overlooked as men are told to "give more" without the advice that they too need to think of themselves also.

Be involved and ask how you can assist.

If you aren't sure of things and you can't share these feelings with your wife, talk to a friend.

Don't let your friendships suffer. Your friends know how important this is, but don't let the stress take you away from those circles of friends in your life.

Do something for yourself. It may not be feasible, but do some things that you can enjoy, or take peace, or fun in - if you can every day - if not every day, plan activities that get you out and being more than just "a new dad".

Find ways to spend time together that don't involve major expense (a walk, planned grocery outings, even meal planning).

Dads have new responsibilities that may seem overwhelming, but while knowing there's more to do for others, don't forget yourself in the process.

[Kevin Keough]

Great article filled with solid tips for new fathers.

Just wondering why it wasn't written by your husband or father.

You let new father's off too easy.

We've far more responsibilities than this.

Helllllooo­oooooooooo men.......­..........­........ti­me to write

[brandnewstuff]

I love this baby- I love this baby and the baby after that-

It takes so much damn work- I am just the Auntie. This baby made life better. Best Wishes for others

[CryptoSolipsist]

Speaking as a new dad (of twins, no less) I think that this article is well-intentioned, but many of the points are impractical or just plain vague. Not as helpful as it could have been - try again please.

[VicDaring]

Interesting post...as the dad of a 2-year-old, my thoughts are:

1. I'm actually not entirely sure what this one means. If you're saying take a breath, forget about the bills for a second, and just fully appreciate your child, I agree comlpetely.

2. Indeed. If you're jealous of the time your wife spends with the baby, you're in for long haul. Plus you're probably a jerk.

3.Once a week might be a bit ambitious. Individual time away, mom with her friends, dad with his, should be budgeted too.

4. The routine helps everyone. It adds a sense of order to the chaos that is your new life. I'd also add this: Be sure to deviate from the routine sometimes. I know, that sounds like it misses the whole purpose of a routine, but I think (without real evidence, other than my own anecdotal stuff) that deviation helps breed flexibility.

Also, on the father/child connection issue: When my son was born, I was the only one with him for a couple days, 2 hours away, at the NICU, while my wife recovered from C-Section. It was a scary time, but I'd never trade those couple days we had, just the two us, for anything in the world. I'm not sure we'd have bonded the same way without that experience.

5. A friend of mine used to have a simple saying about this: Real men change diapers. I couldn't say it better.

[BassMonk]

Article seems related to husbands more than dads. Title not well chosen.

[JLM73]

Go on a date by yourselves ONCE A WEEK? Are you kidding? Not many parents can afford to pay a babysitter once a week, much less the find the time or energy to go out every week. Once a month seems more reasonable.