How Happy Is Your Home: 5 Tips To Filling The Hole Inside

One thing you can be sure of in life is change and that is IT! Full stop. Period. The end. ... Ok, not quite the end, as I want to write this article, but you get what I'm saying!

Regardless of our situation, whether we are in a relationship or single many of us feel that we have an emptiness inside that, something outside of ourselves has the incredible power to fill up. We find ourselves thinking, "When I have a job, a relationship, a child... (Whatever it is for you.) well, then I'll really be happy."

But no job, no relationship, no child, will ever make us feel whole. It may add to the quality of our lives, but it will never, ever, ever fill us up. Only we can fill us up.

So what would happen if we made the controversial decision to be happy regardless and start with that? You know, wake up in the morning and choose to be happy all day, regardless of how frustrating our day is or any external circumstances that we encounter. We just make the decision to take that state of being happy in to everything that we do that day and then do it the next day and the next and the next.

A friend of mine, who is an 80-year-old doctor, (he looks 60) had just had his second hip operation. When I called him, I expected him to be really miserable. He answered the phone full of the joys of spring.

"Why are you so happy? You've just had an operation. You must be on the best drugs!" I said.

"Oh no, I'm not on any drugs, I'm going to heal so much quicker in good spirits," he said.

He was right, not only did he heal in record time, but also his attitude is probably a large part of the reason why he looks twenty years younger than what he is.

All my life, I imagined being married. But it was only when I got to a place in my life when I really didn't care about it, because I felt so whole and filled up that "Bam!" There he was, on an unexpected and unplanned day in the park. Which brings me to one of my favorite things that I have said since my early teens. "Be who you are fully and completely and you can do and have whatever you want." (After all, we are human beings, not human 'doings' or 'havings'.) The 5 tips this week are designed to give you ways in which you can feel more whole and no doubt will make you much easier to live with!

TIP 1. No one and nothing outside of you is ever going to change, which means that you must change. If you come from that perspective, you are on to a winner. If you are waiting for your partner to change, your living situation to change, a new job or a child, to fill you up inside, you will be sorely disappointed, as all these things are transient.

TIP 2. Stop being so hard on yourself and ruminating on past mistakes and what you 'could have' or 'should have' done. What's done is done and it's over. Forgive yourself for anything you might have done that didn't work for you, see it as feedback to do something different next time and move on. No doubt, you are your harshest critic.

TIP 3. It is really important to make sure that you have an outlet for emotions. Going to a therapist to talk about things is a start, however, unexpressed anger, resentment, sadness and loss can lead to dis-ease in the physical body. So these negative emotions have to be released from the physical body, as well as talked about and cleared out of the mental body. Maybe that means hitting your bed with a pillow, going on a 10 mile run, doing a self-development training that deals with releasing anger or even getting bodywork. The mind, body and spirit are inextricably linked.

TIP 4. Rediscover what you are good at and what's most important to you. What are your real gifts and abilities? Whatever they are, make sure that you're using them.

TIP 5. Dare to leave your self open to being criticized. Those who try to put on a mask and pretend that nothing hurts or affects them, are actually going to be hurt more in the long run and we know how unhealthy that is!

For some reason we often really care what others think of us and that can be a real impediment to finding out who we really are and how to best express that. But in order to be filled up we have to find out what works for each of us individually, which will not be the same as anyone else.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I find that life can really be a tough obstacle course, but the more we can keep an innocent and unjaded perspective, as hard it maybe sometimes, the better. Making the decision to remain open and be happy, really can just start with that: A Decision.

That's it for this week. If you like any of these tips pass the word round and you can e-mail me with any questions at [e-mail].

Comments

[jgalvan]

To fill a hole from the inside we must first start by filling the hole from the outside working are way to the center. In doing this simple exercise we can take full credit (us men) of being worthy of releasing our female counterparts of self loathing issues.

[EliDavidson]

My mantra has always been "attitude of gratitude"!
Why do we spend so much time thinking we have to be happy all the time. Life just doesn't work that way. I say, let yourself feel the way you feel, and then let it go.....
Expecting your life to be HAPPY*HAPPY*HAPPY is a recipe for disappointment and a lower level of joy.
I teach this in my coaching practice all the time. For more fabulous tips, please visit me at http://elidavidson.com

[Diogenis]

Sophie is from the Greek word Sophia meaning wisdom. Perhaps the greatest wisdom that applies here...is "Know Thyself"! And that is a never ending endeavor. The answers we need in life can not be external answers alone. They are internal. And the truths that are revealed are not always the truths we want.

[mamacat]

Choosing a good spouse, if one wants a spouse, helps a lot.

[SlippingInTheDip]

When I first read the heading, I was going to type a smart-alec comment. But after reading, saw that this was a serious post with good advice. Have a nice day,People.

[cassidynj]

Nicely written and meaningful. Thank you.

[Jonahson]

Material happiness certainly has its drawback. We have to learn to take the sweet as well as accept the bitter.
*When we grow up, we wish to get married thinking it will make us happy. When we marry we have quarrels with each other. Even the most loving couples worry for each other when one fall sick. Even the most loving couple must seperate one day. A forest monk put it this way, "Just like a couple having a meal, one will always finish first and put down the chopsticks. No two person can finish together and lay down their chopsticks together."

*When we get married we wiish to have children. Cute while they are babies sometime they grow up hurting themselves and their parents. When our children fall sick we worry with sleepless nights.

*We wish to live in comfort and buy big house and car. The morgage and loans means we sacrfice our freedom to pay them off. At the end we leave in a six foot box.

*We think wealth is the answer to our happiness but at the end we cannot bring it with us. If we are attached when the end comes then we will not go in peace.

[cktirumalai]

One of the biggest changes in my life is this. In my earlier years I instinctively and strongly felt that my life would be complete only if there was a woman in it. And then through a slow process of evolution I got to the stage where I stopped feeling this sense of incompleteness, but not as a result of frustration. I believe one makes a better (mutual) choice if one is not driven by emotional or physical need.

[JanetE]

Wow, thank you, cktirumalai. It was refreshing to read this coming from a man. There is so much meaning in what you wrote, something I personally struggled with for over 10 years after my divorce. If only I hadn't gone from one relationship to another. If only I had just taken some time to be alone. If only I hadn't been so addicted to love. There is a book called "Why Am I Nothing Without A Man?".

Well, I guess enough with the "if only's". I did what I did. At least NOW I have been able to shake the addiction to love at any cost and be by myself for a couple of years. I have spent that time solving the problems here at home with my teen sons, improving our relationships and starting a new business.

Thank you for your post. It made me feel a lot better about my choices. Best wishes to you.

[Jessegirl]

Thank-you for your honesty. I am so glad you have finally "rescued" yourself.
We women have to teach each other to "sweep ourselves off of our feet first, BEFORE we choose a partner".
I am my own Knight in Shining Armour, through education and hard-work I am fulfilling my own dreams and desires...My partner will eventually compliment me and I will compliment him...but it won't be NEEDY and DESPERATE relationship.
The most beautiful thing to be- is never being afraid to be by yourself.