The firm of Leach, Parrasyte & Scumm LLC announced a class-action lawsuit has been filed on behalf of approximately fifty million Americans against New Jersey Governor Chris Christie for damages caused by second-hand bullying. "Our clients have sustained grave and irreversible psychic injuries through the mere act of witnessing the effects of Governor Christie's menacing administrative style on others," said Elmer A. Tyro, a lawyer at Leach. "And just because the Governor didn't directly bully our clients doesn't mean he wouldn't have actually done it if he had had the chance."
78-year-old Trudy Rosenlawn, the lead plaintiff in the lawsuit, spoke to reporters this morning while visibly shaking and clutching a hand-woven shawl with her thin, aged hands. "Between seeing Mr. Christie on television talking in a very aggressive and domineering manner and seeing all those people who said he bullied them, it felt just like he was bullying me," said Rosenlawn, helplessly choking back tears and taking intermittent sips from a warming cup of tea. "Fortunately, my lawyers absolutely assure me that he did."
For any other citizens who feel they may have been vicariously bullied by Christie, there is still plenty of time to join the lawsuit. Says Mr. Tyro: "If you are unsure about whether or not Governor Christie has bullied you, then chances are that he has."