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Conspiracy Theorist Proves John F. Kennedy Never Existed

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A startling new book, I Do Solemnly Swear...Not!, offers incontrovertible proof that the late President John F. Kennedy never actually existed. "JFK's supposed life and death were the greatest hoaxes perpetrated on the United States since the so-called 'signing of the Declaration of Independence,'" says author Maxwell Furlobble. "It's part of a conspiracy so vast and complex that I'm pretty sure I'm part of it, which, of course, is exactly what they want you to think and I do."

According to Furlobble, the Kennedy Family itself was invented in the 1840s by The Finger, a consortium that included oil speculators, the Illuminati, the Catholic Church, Freemasons, Whigs, and extraterrestrials from the Phoenix Dwarf and Triangulum Galaxies. "The Finger has controlled all of American and Greek history, using a combination of powerful mind rays, holograms and puppets," explains Furlobble. "Whenever people thought John F. Kennedy was in a room, he really wasn't. For those people who were there, you were all tricked. For those people who weren't there, well, you can't really say what happened, can you? Can you? Ha! In your face!"

When people suspected the truth about The Finger in the early 1960s, "John F. Kennedy" had to be "eliminated" and The Order turned to filmmaker Stanley Kubrick to fake the famous Zapruder footage. "Abraham Zapruder never existed and neither did Dallas, Texas," says Furlobble. "Kubrick did exist, though, although the moon landing he later faked made no difference since the moon isn't real."