THE BLOG

Hillary Clinton Sees Her Own Shadow, Won't Declare Candidacy for Six More Months

02/02/2015 01:06 pm ET | Updated Apr 04, 2015

Punxsutawney, PA - This morning at Gobbler's Knob, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton emerged from a hole and saw her shadow, signaling at least six more months will pass before she declares her candidacy for President. "The weather was beautiful and she's in no hurry," said Clinton spokesperson/soil expert Frieda LaBontefill after Hillary burrowed back underground with a group of political advisors and other assorted rodents.

The tradition of Clinton (aka Punxsutawney Hil) delaying her announcement of entering the Presidential race is a long and popular one, best illustrated by this children's poem:

If unopposed, she'll sit and wait
Just idling 'til she leaves the gate
Her team shall try to pave the way
Unless Liz Warren joins the fray

Clinton and her advisors will remain underground until an official announcement is made, where they will develop new campaign strategies with an elite phalanx of faithful mole people and Morlocks. "There's really no reason for her to emerge at all. She can rule the world from beneath the ground as easily as she can from above it. Her coronation is inevitable! Inevitable!" said LaBontefill, laughing maniacally. "Sorry. What was the question?"