THE BLOG
06/24/2014 02:51 pm ET | Updated Aug 24, 2014

IRS: We Gave Lois Lerner's Hard Drive to Deposed Nigerian Prince Who Emailed Us

The Internal Revenue Service revealed it sent Lois Lerner's computer hard drive to a "deposed Nigerian prince" who had contacted the agency via email in 2011. "It is standard IRS policy to send the crashed hard drives of our former Exempt Organizations Division directors to deposed Nigerian or Haitian princes when said hard drives are requested," explained IRS Strained Credulity spokesperson Whitcomb P. Abernathy. "The prince assured us that he was in a jail in Calabar and was reaching out to us--only to us--for a noble act of charity. Clearly, we had no choice but to comply."

The 2011 email received by the IRS was from Prince Henry Dimka Onwueme, Esq. who identified himself as a "prisoner of faith" with terminal cancer and whooping cough who desperately needed Lois Lerner's crashed hard drive to successfully retrieve a fortune stolen from him by evil dictators. In the email, Onwueme describes how Lerner's hard drive would free him from jail, help establish a charitable foundation, and transfer one million dollars to every citizen in the United States. "We don't give our crashed hard drives to just anyone, you know," said Abernathy. "But how could you not trust Prince Onwueme? I mean, he said what he was doing was entirely legal. And 'entirely legal' was in capital letters, so you know it was true."

When asked if the IRS has heard or will ever hear back from Prince Onwueme, Abernathy replied, "Are you implying that this was some kind of scam? Because I think the IRS knows a little something about unbelievable stories."