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01/28/2009 02:21 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The 10,000th, 10,001st, and 10,002nd Frost/Nixon Parody

1977; a reanimated Robert Frost sits across from Richard Nixon

Robert Frost: What but design of darkness to appall?
If design govern in a thing so small?

Richard Nixon: Well, I think, as far as summary of Watergate is concerned, I did some of the big things rather well. I screwed up terribly on what was a little thing and became a big thing.

Robert Frost: I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

Richard Nixon: I'm simply saying to you that as far as I'm concerned, I not only regret it. I indicated my own beliefs in this matter when I resigned. People didn't think it was enough to admit mistakes, fine. If they want me to get down and grovel on the floor--no, never.

Robert Frost: Die early and avoid the fate.
Or if predestined to die late,
Make up your mind to die in state.

Richard Nixon: I never think of it in those terms--suicide, death wish. That's just bunk. I brought myself down. I gave them a sword, and they stuck it in and they twisted it with relish. And I guess if I had been in their position, I'd have done the same thing.

Robert Frost: Better to go down dignified
With boughten friendship at your side
Than none at all. Provide, provide!

Richard Nixon: No, I again respectfully will not quibble with you about the use of the terms. I did not in the first place commit the crime of obstruction of justice, because I did not have the motive required for the commission of that crime.

Robert Frost: One aged man--one man--can't keep a house,
A farm, a countryside, or if he can,
It's thus he does it of a winter night.

Richard Nixon: Let me say, if I intended to cover-up, believe me, I'd have done it. Yep, I let the American people down. And I have to carry that burden with me for the rest of my life.

Robert Frost: And so I dream of going back to be.

Richard Nixon: I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.

Frost/Nixon: One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.


1977; Jack Frost sits across from Richard Nixon

Jack Frost: Mr. President, I think the American people would like to hear you admit that you did abuse the power you had as President and did not fulfill the totality of the oath of office.

Richard Nixon: Even though I did not feel that I had engaged in these activities consciously in so far as the knowledge of, or participation in, the break-in, the approval of hush-money--

Jack Frost freezes Nixon's fingers and toes, bites Nixon's nose

Richard Nixon: Ow! Okay! Okay! I let down my friends, I let down the country, I let down our system of government and the dreams of all those young people that ought to get into government but will think it is all too corrupt!

Jack Frost: Yay!

Jack Frost makes blizzard appear in room, tosses snowballs at James Reston, Jr.


1977; David Frost sits across from Jeane Dixon

David Frost: You successfully predicted that a young Democrat would become President in 1960 and either be assassinated or die in office. You successfully predicted that Russia would be the first nation to launch an orbital satellite.

Jeane Dixon: Yes. Zhao Enlai used to speak very glowingly about my psychic powers.

David Frost: But, you also said that World War III would begin in 1958 over Quemoy and Matsu and that goat's urine would replace Coca-Cola as the world's number one drink. Will you apologize for making such false prophecies and putting so many people through such agony?

Jeane Dixon: I made many bad judgments. The worst ones mistakes of the heart rather than mistakes of the head. Except the urine thing--I honestly thought that would catch on like gangbusters.

David Frost: So, what's next?

Jeane Dixon: World War III will begin over aggressive military action by Argentina in the Falkland Islands and an alien disguised as Jesus Christ will be seen in the Holy Land and all Jews will proclaim it the Messiah.

David Frost: Interesting.

Jeane Dixon: Also, Lee Majors and Farrah Fawcett-Majors will divorce.

David Frost: Good God, no!!

Jeane Dixon: I predicted you would react like that.

coming soon: Frost/Ivan Dixon; cast of Lost/Nixon; Frost/Marnie Nixon; Lacoste/Nixon

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