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White House Reveals New Strategy Against ISIS: Hope The Avengers Show Up

02/06/2015 01:53 pm ET | Updated Apr 08, 2015

The White House revealed its new strategy to combat the increasing threat of the terrorist group ISIS, which consists mainly of hoping members of famed superhero team The Avengers show up to handle the problem. "We understand they have other things to do and are difficult to assemble but if Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk or any of them are listening, we can really use some help," said Armond Hullicoat, spokesperson for the Department of Graveyard Whistling.

Hullicoat described how the Obama administration has been unsuccessful in reaching any of the Avengers via email, Twitter, ads in the New York Times, or contacting NBC anchor Brian Williams, who has claimed for years that he was recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Phil Coulson. When a reporter asked how we can fight ISIS using a fictitious team of heroes who exist only in comic books and movies, Hullicoat curtly responded, "You can't with that attitude, jerk!"

Foreign policy advisor Chip Daventhate said, "In the meantime, we will double our efforts at confronting violent extremism with our previous strategy of meaningfully squinting our eyes and coin-tossing." Hullicoat added, "Just to clarify, when we say 'The Avengers,' we're not referring to British secret agent John Steed, Cathy Gale, or Emma Peel. But if they also want to assist, we're fine with it."