Who Wouldn't Rather Be a Mistress Than a Wife

I tried marriage and I don't understand the attraction. I hated it. It's such hard work. I had to organize the maids, the chef, assistants, chauffeurs, gardeners. All that staff. Exhausting. What really did it for me was when my husband told me he wanted children. Can you imagine? Ruining your figure for babies; those smelly things that leak at both ends?

At the beginning of a marriage everyone is on their best behavior. Everyone is pretending to be something their not. He's pretending to be terribly fascinated in everything you say, he brushes his teeth, acts like a super stud in the bedroom, and living room, and kitchen... And we women pretend that he's our "super hero," we wear high heels and naughty little teddies, we shave our legs everyday. But six months and he's turned deaf and dumb, your legs are hairy, neither one of you has brushed your teeth, you pick your nose and he picks his butt. He farts, you burp. The teddies have been replaced with sweats; he sits in front of the TV with the "game" on, mumbling, a beer in hand. You barely speak to each other; you're too tired to have sex. Marriage. What is the advantage?

I like to have sex, more than once a week. I'd rather have my freedom, than a housekeeper's life. She can have the babies, the smell and the noise. I'll have the men after a night out with the boys. Just give me diamonds (or emeralds, or rubies, or gold), take me to the Ritz, Le Dome, The Peninsula. Bring me roses; I'll dress up like a nurse. And don't ever forget to leave a little something in my purse.

And as a mistress I get beautiful, expensive baubles. And a man who is attentive. I don't mind him leaving (after heavy breathing) in the middle of the night. I need my sleep, I don't need the snoring and tossing and turning (not to mention morning breath). The wife can have him for the weekends (with those darling little screaming children along with the in-laws. I'll shop and have dinner with my girlfriends.

I'm not trying to change my status as mistress. The wives can keep the car pool, shoppin' and cookin'. I'll have candlelight, romance and all that lovely nookie.

Mistresses are a misunderstood breed with our own unique set of problems, after all zillionaires don't grow on trees. And it is zillionaires that we're after. Like my Earl. He has everything one could want in a man, oil wells, diamond mines, real estate. Dear, dear old Earl. And I do mean old. He's 92.

Being a kept woman used to be so acceptable. Today being a mistress is practically obsolete. Men have forgotten the purpose of having a mistress; they're so used to getting everything for free. Everyone assumes you are a common prostitute! I ask you, do common prostitutes shop at Neimans, mingle with royalty, dine at Le Cirque . . . well, maybe.

I like jetting around the world on a moment's notice, in a G5 of course. I mix with the cream of society, princes, pop stars, politicians. I don't kiss and tell, too much. Well, I did have Mick Jagger -- but then again who hasn't? I don't want to take anyone's husband.

Being a mistress isn't just an occupation... it's a state of mind. So, ladies if you are a wife -- remember, act like a mistress -- and he'll treat you like one.

To summarize, here are some of my philosophies:

Why I prefer to be a mistress... rather than a wife:

1. I'd rather have my freedom... than have a housekeeper's life.

2. She can have the babies (the smell and the noise!), I have the men after a night out with the boys.

3. I don't mind when he leaves in the middle of the night. She can have the snoring, the tossing, the turning (the morning breath). I need my beauty sleep.

4. She can have the car pool, the shoppin'. I prefer candlelight and nookie.

5. She can have the weekends with the in-laws, I'll shop with my friends. Really, I'd rather!

6. I like flying around the world (to play around the world) on a G5, of course.

7. I like my name, my independence, my prince, my pop star, my politician . . . and believe me I've had them. Just ask Mick Jagger (well, who hasn't had Mick?).

8. She can play blind man's bluff, I'll play blind man's muff. (Not to mention hide and go peek).

9. She has to beg for an allowance. I'm not the one doing the begging.

I'm crazy about you baby, but please don't ever turn up with your suitcase at my door. I'd rather stay a mistress than become a wife.

Staar: She'd Rather be a Mistress (staarring Carrie Fisher, Jeffrey Tambor, Fabio and Staar!) the film is now available on video-on-demand, including Charter and Verizon as well as 20 other Cable carriers across the country. www.staarlet.com.

Comments

[The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker]

Gee I want to be the spoiled rotten mistress of a single man. Is that too much to ask for?

[phadra]

I'm not saying what Staar is doing is right but I do think we get to comfortable in our marriages and stop dressing sexy and treating our husbands special. After reading this I thought I'd try acting like a "mistress." Yesterday I made a little effort and was dressed nicely when my husband got home. I complemented him and just tried to make him feel appreciated. It was great! We had a wonderful night. And my husband was pleasantly surprised when we went to bed last night and I was wearing my sexy lingerie instead of my usual flannel p.j.'s. Believe me it was worth it.

[sno]

I just have one question for Staar, and I doubt she will answer me, but here goes: Who do you spend your holidays with? Who do you sit with at family weddings, family celebrations, class reunions, funerals, and other and other events, that your lover will not attend with you? Are you ever invited to attend any celebration that your lover is attending? My aunt was a kept woman and she made no excuses for it. She attended everything by herself. Her lover is now dead, left everything to his wife and children. She got to keep the jewelry he gave her, but other than that she has no retirement, no insurance, and now she is quite bitter. Go Figure. So enjoy the moment...because in the long run the wife always comes out better. Even when the affair is exposed, the wife is the one who get the support and the sympathy of most people while the mistress is just the mistress who gets what she deserves, which is usually nothing. When my aunt's lover died, she could not even grieve for him at his funeral.
The wife will always come out better than the mistress. Even if the husband leaves his wife for the mistress, then the mistress usually than becomes the wife, and there you have it. She will now have the insecurity of being the wife of a husband she knows is a cheater.

[Staar]

au contraire - I do have family, but I spend holidays with friends, or at a spa, or dare I say - sometimes with "Him" - or one of my "him". Not all are actually married. And one of my "him's" is a financial wizard and I've invested wisely, unlike a lot of wives do - or ever will, because, sadly they left their husbands take care of everything. I'm well "taken care of". And I don't look for anyone's sympathy. My motto, live in the moment, have fun (you're only here once) invest, save, and raise a glass of champagne. And keep those jewels. And must I repeat myself I Do Not Want Him to Leave Her for Me. I LOVE MY FREEDOM!!!! I'm not threat to a wife.

[Uju]

I understand this is only some snarky movie promotion, but I must comment. Most of the wifely responsibilities this mistress rails against can be easily farmed out to domestic staff, so if housekeeping and diaper changing are main reasons to collude with a despicable loser to ruin his wife's home, I feel sorry for mistresses. Why invest your youth and your self-esteem on emotionally damaged men, who eventually trade you for younger purveyors of whatever you think only you can offer them? Get a life and get a job, ladies! Both will serve you better and longer than other women's men.

[hip dibler]

i can't get past your stripper name...

[Treehuggindirtworshiper]

Thanks for the insite on this movie. I may have lost 5 minutes of my life but at least I won't waste my money.

[Vivian Norris de Montaigu - Huffpost Blogger]

Wow what a sad idea of married life...I know married life as sex at least once a day, a great child who is fun for us to be with, laughter, all holidays with family not alone, great presents, not having to beg for money as I make/have my own...

Being loved for real not just because you always wear a garter belt is warm and cuddly.

To me mistresses have a problem...need therapy. Go get a job and try some sisterhood!

This kind of lame attitude if for losers who make all women look bad.

It's kinda pretty much like being...a hooker!

[sophieozz]

I applaud your life. You're a lucky woman. But your smugness is a turnoff. Just remember, life as you know it can turn on a dime, so put those stones down.

[LillianB]

Okay, so you want to be a mistress. Why be the mistress of a married man, why not just find a bachelor wanting the same thing from a woman that you want in a man? Two consenting adults, without having to hurt a third party not consenting to the deal?

[blondecuban]

Your days as a mistress are numbered. Literally. Then what will you do?

[Eek909]

Mistresses have a very short shelf life.

[kathy001]

Well, here's one movie I won't see - and mainly because of this irresponsible piece of promotion. What's so clever about advocating cheating? What's so much fun about betraying another woman who has never done you any harm? And yes, if you have a relationship with a man that you know has made a commitment to another woman then you are betraying that other woman - it's not just the man who is betraying his commitment.

I'm no prude. I love men and I love sex. But I don't want a relationship with a man who can't honor his commitments.

[abdallac]

I don't know if it's hype or true or what....HOWEVER, most married women that I have talked to feel the exact same way in our private thoughts.

[larry278]

This debate is fated to be endless. I think I said it on another comment but human beings are complex creatures, very complex.

[owltattoo]

Even though this post appears to be a teaser for a movie, it seems to be taken seriously by some readers. So since it's a topic of discussion I'll bite.
My sister has been "the other woman" for years. And I have to say it looked like she had a sweet deal. The older guy she's been with has spent loads of money on her and promised to leave his wife. But now that my sister is closing in on Fifty, it's apparent that her married boyfriend isn't doing that. She's sacrificed so much for him and has done a lot to keep him interested so the money will keep flowing - including pretending to be bisexual.
But he's slipping away, turning his attention to younger women and even bringing his wife to her house (he has a key) so they could retrieve his things when he decided to move back home. His wife helped herself to some of my sister's things in the process.
My sister felt violated and even though she's still with the guy for the money she has a lot of anger towards him for "using" women. But let's face it - she used him for money, the wife uses him for social status so what guilt *should* he have for feeling like he can use them back.
Marriage can be work, but after seeing what my sister has put herself through I'd rather be alone than be a mistress.

[IndyReader]

Geez, folks, read the small print.