I do wish the tabloids would stop calling Tiger's panty models and porn stars, mistresses. It gives the rest of us a
bad name. Why do they think they deserve the title mistress? Lord knows, they don't have the qualifications. With
horror I can disclose an error one of Cheetah Woods' "transgressions" made. This woman claims that after a year and
a half of cooing over calamari with Tig, she asked him "for a little help". Now, there is nothing wrong with asking for
a handout every now and again, but if she had been a true mistress with an honest arrangement she wouldn't have had
to ask for anything. She would have set her terms before the first Manolo hit the bear skin rug.
What the state of the union being what it is today - and I'm not talking the economy, I'm talking about the dreadful
lack of manners - its' a wonder a mistress can even find a man. Do I really need to write the Emily Post Book of
Mister and Mistresses Etiquette Primer? It is so difficult nowadays to be a mistress, what with women constantly
giving it away for free. Has everyone forgotten the purpose of a mistress?
Mistresses hark back to the good ol' days, when a man threw furs and diamonds at a woman simply to be in her
presence. Having a mistress was a badge of honor, arm candy for those that could afford it. Of course, this was when most marriages were arranged - remember marriage itself is an invention, to gather lands and titles for the families of
some poor cow - excuse me, girl. And if she came from the wrong side of the Thames, so to speak, she had no other choice but to become a mistress. Prince Richy Rich was not marrying her. But he did know he had to pay for her love
and affection. She of course, would be discreet. There was no wife-bashing and sex-secret-spilling in the tabloids. Yes, there were tabloids back then, even if half the population couldn't read. A man comes to you for comfort and joy don't deprive him of those things with your lack of discretion.
The wife is not the enemy. There is no need to humiliate with unsavory (even if they were fun to do) tidbits from the boudoir. You wouldn't want to read about him and her would you (of course you'd be bored to death). A wife and a mistress and a lover can be a wonderful arrangement if all parties are treated with the respect and everyone knows his and her place. She's in the kitchen, you're in the background. Get used to it - besides, yours is the better deal.
Let's get this straight; a mistress is a professional, and a kept woman. Mistresses aren't paid for a night, they are paid for a lifestyle. Her allowance is larger than most dentists' salaries. And that is how she makes a living. She's given tokens (diamonds and rubies are my fav's) and baubles the size of golf balls. The majority of her bills (S500 Mercedes, condo in Malibu, expense account at Neiman's) are paid through the "kindness" of a successful rich "friend." (My friend is Earl, and he's a pearl of one). A mistress is much too busy waxing, exercising and shopping to be texting to the tabloids. She approves of him returning to his wife. How else would she have time for her girlfriends and spa days and flings with car valets?
But ladies, don't give mistresses a bad name. Class it up. Don't kiss and tell, unless you're 80 and your working days are over. How do you expect to ever find another man to support you if you are blabbing to Regis and Whoopi? Remember 15 minutes is just that. Be in it for the long haul (and in my bank account I've quite a "haul").
Remember that old Rockefeller fella that was caught in the act, unfortunately in the midst of having a major heart attack and dying, who left quite a bit of real estate to his 27 year-old mistress/secretary. And she (woman of my dreams) never spoke a word about him to anyone. That is a proper mistress.
I am a serial mistress - often times under the protection of one - or two, but who is counting - powerful rich men who know they have to pay to keep me swinging my Birkin down the hallways of the Peninsula and Four Seasons of the world. I know my place. I know to keep my mouth shut. If a mistress seeks the limelight, go on the stage, like Belle Otero and Lily Langtree, Cora Pearl and a host of other sparkling creatures who, though poor actresses, rose to the top of their other profession. It wasn't by revealing her lover's emails that Marie Duplessis had a play, an opera and countless movies written about her. We're talking La Dame aux Camelias and La Traviata. Not bad for dying at 23 and leaving a legion of men in Paris broken-hearted. Do you think they would have cried one tear if she'd been talking to Us and Star? They would have pushed her under a carriage.
Remember ladies, being a mistress isn't an occupation . . . it's a state of mind
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