THE BLOG

Relaxing by the Pool Is Never Calming

05/26/2015 11:15 am ET | Updated May 26, 2016
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Memorial Day has come and gone, so everything I love about this time of year is in full swing. Children are salivating for that first full-bodied splash into the freezing waters of a swimming pool. Actually, any body of water will do, as long as it's outdoors and not a bathtub.

Kids don't care if the water is only 50 degrees, foul-smelling, green and filled with last summer's bugs and diseases. As soon as their bathing suit is on and the American flag is hanging high, they are off and running for the closest water source.

It's also the season where mothers think, "Ah, bleep! I knew there was something I left off my to-do list."

The dreaded squeeze of your pasty, flaky, hibernation-fatted body into the first bathing suit of the season is a dance we all can live without. For many moms, no amount of pinching, pushing or sucking can squeeze their parts into that "forgiving" swim skirt.

"I know this (tug) fit (yank) last year. I obviously put it in the dryer, so it shrunk."

Since I'm no more in shape than I was last year, I'll scour Target again for this year's most fashionable and largest swimsuit tarp. I prefer the full body cover-up in black.

Another one of my least-favorite things to do in summer is the daily, methodical application of sunscreen for every family member. It may seem like a tolerable thought right now, but I promise come mid-July, parents across the country will be fed up with the reapplying rule. When will someone invent a heavy duty SPF that can be applied easily and not have to be re-applied every two hours? Is this asking too much?

I am proud, however, to announce that both my children know how to swim. Hallelujah! I get to read a book poolside! I think the last time I read a book near water was 2005. You can imagine how long my book list is.

I'm sure there are mothers with older children who are shaking their heads while reading this. They are thinking I should savor these moments. Experienced moms are reminiscing about those precious days when their toddlers wore swim diapers and certified life jackets, but I'm not one of them. I'm thrilled to join the ranks of non-neurotic moms relaxing in a lounge chair and periodically looking up to count heads.

I spent the last six years in the pool being splashed in the face, bonked in the head, slapped, peed on and strangled while playing with my sweet girls. But I've paid my dues. I'm done.

It's a new stage of life called "relaxing poolside."

Soon, my girls will be hormonal terrors who won't want to spend time with me. They won't even want me near the pool. I know this is normal tween/teen behavior. Developing their independence, blah, blah, blah.

But for now I will forge on, enjoying the summer breezes and laughter of kids at play. I'll lather us up with sunscreen, lean back underneath a big umbrella and open my book until I hear...

"Mom, I'm bored."

Stacey Hatton, a NY Times Best-Selling author and CEO of Nurse Mommy Laughs can be reached on Twitter, Facebook or poolside until September.