If you are one of those divorced persons who has a contentious relationship with their ex, be ever so careful that you do not let it impact the well-being of the children you are parenting together.
Unfortunately, children are almost always collateral damage when it comes to divorce -- helpless victims who love both parents -- and the last thing they need is to feel the tension and acrimony between the two people they love most. Nor do they need to feel they must choose one parent over the other. But I find that parents are so caught up in their anger, need for control, or bitterness that they do not fully realize how their behavior can affect their children.
Whenever I find myself talking to the children of parents who are involved in a custody battle or simply caught between Mom and Dad as they fight over visitation issues, I feel a tremendous sadness. I often wish that parents could simply walk around in their children's shoes during just one of those inappropriate incidents. They would then feel the stress and discomfort their children experience.
I have a checklist of what I think are appropriate boundaries for parents who simply do not agree and who are unable to get along with one another. I take special care and as much time as necessary with my clients to help them develop a plan to handle difficult moments with their ex -- especially situations that directly affect the children.
The following are my suggestions for sparing the children any more grief than necessary:
How to Deal With an Inflexible Ex
I am certain that, as a loving parent, you always want to protect the peace of mind and well being of your children. Just know that being the bigger person - whether it means being more flexible with the visitation schedule or biting your tongue when you just want to sound off in front of your ex and the children about what you think is unfair- will pay more dividends in the long run. For starters, you will take great pride in showing your ex that he or she can no longer push your buttons!