11/27/2009 12:31 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Your Country Needs You! Go Shopping!

Pick up those new GPS systems, now on sale at Best Buy, Wal-Mart and other fine stores for under $100!

Don't forget that flat-screen TV that's suddenly within your price range!

Remember to stop by the gigundo superstore to stock up on potato chips, lawn furniture and frozen shrimp!

Swing by the enormous drugstore! Get medicine! Print 100 pictures for only $1.00! While you're there, load up on toys, nostrums and personal care products! The holidays are almost here!

Hit the department store for panty hose, shoes, perfume, purses, and those fabulous studded denims you've had your eye on -- they're all on sale today only!

On your way home, stop by your local American automobile dealership and nab a new Ford, Chevy or Chrysler! Terms are great! Quality has never been better!

If you're an investment banker, kick the tires on an underperforming entity! You'll be glad you did!

Somewhere out there in this great, shining land of ours, there's a product, service or asset waiting for you! We've been in the doldrums far too long! Make Black Friday lead to Black Saturday and then Black Sunday and then a tsunami of Black Weekdays! Get out there and express your love of all that's good and strong about our nation! Let's commerce ring!