Is anything off limits in the age of web cams, tell-all bridal announcements and bumper stickers that proclaim your sexual preferences?
There used to be a measure of self-restraint in our lives (say, a year ago), a feeling that some things were too personal or off-limits to discuss What happened? Now TV newscasters ask with a straight face, "How do you feel?" when someone's house has just been torched by an arsonist. Christie Brinkley fought to have her divorce trial aired in public so everyone -- her children included -- would know how her fourth husband had an affair with his 18-year-old assistant and "posted nude photos of himself online while trolling for young ladies on swingers websites," according to Gawker. Oprah and Tyra made it okay to ask anybody anything and they felt compelled to answer. And we all know which Broadway producer never had sex with his wife but kept a big stash of Viagra and pornography on hand.
It may be don't ask/don't tell in the military, but in civilian life we don't hesitate to ask or say anything that pops into our heads. The wall of silence is falling around the traditional conversational taboos: religion, politics and money. Not to mention what people will say when it comes to sex, drugs and medical procedures!
Since few thoughts go unexpressed today, here's what you can say when they say what they shouldn't say.
Situation #1:
A friend is looking quite a bit younger and frankly, better. Should you/can you/MUST you ask?
Solution:
Go ahead and ask, says Marsha Dick, a real estate agent who has no qualms about saying, "You look fabulous. What did you do?"
Don't ever ask if someone has had plastic surgery, says Alexandra Franco, Outpatient Care Coordinator to Dr. Daniel Baker, a prominent Manhattan plastic surgeon. "Some women are very open about it. Some are secretive. But if a woman does tell you that she has had work done, she'll also share with you who her doctor was."
Ask. But be diplomatic, suggests Dr. Jerilyn Kronen a New York psychotherapist. "If it's a friend, you could venture something like, 'Wow, you look amazing. Special cream? Peel? Botox? Plastic surgery? Love? Great genes?' That way, your friend can tell you whatever she wants to."
Situation #2:
Should you say what your salary is, just because someone asks?
SOLUTIONS
Yes, if they're close friends. "We all know how much each of us make, and don't feel embarrassed if asked," says "Alina1235" on www.fluther.com.
Never. "You don't know if they are potential risks for fraud, identity theft or even stalking. I can't think of a time where you actually should share that information, even for your own bragging rights," says "Awww" on www.fluther.com.
Sometimes. "Only if it's something to be proud of," according to "jstringham21" on www.fluther.com.
Evade the issue. "When I was in high school, a questionnaire was sent out asking how much does your dad make. Hardly any of us knew and left it blank. My best friend had what I thought was the best answer: Enough," says "Seesul" on www.fluther.com.
Situation #3:
Someone looks at your adorable adopted or mixed-racial child and says to you, 'What IS she?" Your response?
SOLUTIONS
"My pride and joy" works for me, says "mdy" on www.fluther.com.
Depends on the tone of voice, says "cprevite" on www.fluther.com. "We adopted my daughter from China, so we have heard, 'She's beautiful, did you adopt her?' We've also heard, 'those Asians sure are pretty. How much did she cost?' Not the same thing."