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How Public Citizen Is Exactly Like Battlestar Galactica

04/18/2012 07:25 pm 19:25:48 | Updated Jun 18, 2012

Suddenly, everything is so clear to me. It all comes back to Battlestar Galactica. Everything does.

I realize I am a full four years behind the curve on this one, but for the past month my wife, my son and I have been knocking out two episodes a night on Netflix. We've just begun the final season, so just shut up about how it ends. You have to understand, I'm not like this. I'm not a sci-fi guy. I'm not an addictive personality. I never watched the original series, which at the time just sounded like a poor knock-off of Star Wars anyway.

Not so this new version. I'm a jaded TV comedy writer, but this thing has a hold on me. And my family.

Portlandia did an episode about this very syndrome. We're not quite that bad. They haven't shut off our electricity yet, but I am wallowing a bit in my own filth.

What does this have to do with Public Citizen? Don't you see? It's so frakking obvious.

And even if you don't know the show, you'll get the gist.

For 40 years, Public Citizen has been battling the Cylons -- I mean corporate lobbyists -- in that dark, airless void called space... or Washington D.C. They got airbags into Vipers -- I mean cars -- and 23 dangerous drugs off the market. No other Battlestar -- public interest group -- has come even close to arguing 60 cases in front of the Supreme Court. They are out in front of the fleet fighting destructive "free trade" deals and leading the way toward a constitutional amendment to overturn Citizens United, the terrible Supreme Court decision that completely nuked campaign finance laws. Corporations aren't people. They are machines that we created.

They evolved.

Then they rebelled.

Public Citizen is fighting the good fight for health, safety, justice and democracy, and I have decided to help the only way I know how. I'm putting together a crack team of comedians for a benefit in support of this very important and historically successful Battlestar.

It's called "Stand Up For Main Street" on Sunday April 29th 6:30pm at the WGA Theater, 135 S. Doheny in Beverly Hills (Earth).

The show features Ray Romano (Apollo), Marc Maron (Helo), Dana Gould (Chief), Wendy Liebman (Starbuck) Rick Overton (Colonel Tigh), Erik Rivera (Hot Dog) and Morgan Murphy (Athena). It will be hosted by David Feldman (Doc Cottle).

Public Citizen knows how D.C. works. It's all so wonky and procedural and inscrutable (not unlike Caprica 6). They know all that inside baseball, inside the beltway stuff that can be so daunting you feel like shooting yourself out an airlock. But it's that stuff that makes all the difference.

Okay, I think I've stretched this analogy farther than the Ionian Nebula. I promise I'll stop. Except to say that Public Citizen's president, Robert Weissman, is of course Admiral Adama without the moonscape complexion.

So let's see, which character is left for me?

Oh know... I... I... must be...

Gaius Baltar.

Noooooooooooooooooo!

Click here for "Stand Up For Main Street." Do it now before it sells out, we fire up the FTLs, and jump to another galaxy.

Okay, now I'm really done.