Dear Mr. President,
Once again you felt necessary to veto the Embryonic Stem Cell Bill, in a so the guys in the freezer have asked me to speak for them - though, as you know, we have no mouths. Still, I didn't have the guts of turn them down, which is in itself is quite the trick, as I also have no guts.
I know you that Tony Snow said that your veto was not an attempt to muzzle science, but more an attempt to "respect people's conscience on such an issue." Now a lot of people, cells included, will say that you only are respecting a small percentage of peoples' conscience. Similar to the percentage who think the country's heading in the right direction or find you "popular." But I think we've come up with some legislation that truly both meets with your values and satisfies the other side. And I'm sure you can get that ornery Harry Reid on board for this one.
Keeping in mind that you had Snow say that you believe "strongly that for the purpose of research it's inappropriate for the federal government to finance something that many people consider murder; he's one of them."
We all appreciate your concern for our well-being, but if you consider it murder to use us for research, then what is it called when we're tossed away without be used at all? We're talking about hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of living, breathing - okay, we don't actually breathe, but one day, maybe, strapped up to some sort of tiny-life supporting equipment - who knows?
The point is, no matter veto or sign, you lose.
So a bunch of us stem-cells got together - not physically, that comes later - and came up with an idea, which is amazing in itself as we have no brains to form a thought.
You're a big parents handling their own kid's lives guy. So, if we are lives, why don't you let our parents make the decision as to whether they want us to be used for research or throw us away? That way the only research we're funding is with willing participants. And for the other stem cells who have parents who would rather throw them away, they get to do it. And they don't even have to call it "murder" when they toss us in the trash. They could call it something like "Pro-Ending-Life-In-A-Good-Way." Really. It's a win-win.
A lot of the guys in the freezer wanted to make their "lives" mean something. And then there are those who just want to throw their "lives" away. Adopt our idea and you help us all.
Yours In Freezer,
Bob, The Stem Cell
P.S. And Mr. Reid. Get on the stick and help write up the legislation as me and the guys in Freezer 26 have described above. If not, next year we're backing Bloomberg!
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