BREAKING NEWS: McCain Resigns From His Campaign

Believing that he has become too much of a drag on his campaign, John McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential candidate, and one of the key components of his campaign and id, has stepped down, the latest casualty of a presidential campaign eager to cauterize damage caused by its ties to lobbyists, age and President Bush.

McCain, who has appeared in most of his commercials and fundraisers, is the highest profile departure from McCain's inner circle since a summer 2007 shake-up cost McCain his campaign manager and chief strategist.

"My support for President Bush's comparison of Senator Obama to Adolf Hitler, because Barack was willing to speak to Iran's leaders, was the last straw," said McCain. "Especially when I had already suggested that it was a good idea."

"It not only showed his attachment to the President's policies and indiscreet rhetoric," said McCain spokesman, Tucker Bounds, "but it also underscored his short term memory issues and his desire to keep defense contractors and lobbyists on the public dole."

Campaign officials have yet to name a replacement, but the betting money is on McCain confidante and wife, Cindy McCain. "She's younger and already has enough money," said Bounds. "And having the same last name saves a helluva lot of stationery and campaign poster reprinting."

In a White House press release, President Bush said he was "sad about McCain's decision" and "would give up something to be in solidarity with the grief McCain's mother must feel."

Award-winning TV writer, Steve Young, is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (www.greatfailure.com)

Comments

[Rutabaga]

Hey now, don't get my hopes up, dagnabit!

[montanadan]

Fine. Who's Lieberman supposed to pant after now?

[Dap]

Thanks Steve, that brought a huge smile to my face, if it were only that easy. Have a great one. :-)

[Javalation]

He just might have a chance to win with this strategy. Talk about an empty suit...

[ericmiami]

If McCain sees this, he won't know whether to deny it or not!

[tanyainsacramento]

tease