Dear Rush, Sean, Glenn, Hugh, et al,
You just might want to check the cord on your microphone. Seems like the plug has been disconnected...from the Folks.
Despite a two week long barrage of bombs dropped directly on former POW war veteran, John McCain, the people have spoken...at least those in white shoes and belts who got their votes in with still plenty of time to get to the early bird special.
Yesterday, one of our favorite talk show hosts, who's been spooning with Rudy the last six months, spent a half hour serving up McCain is the Republican anti-Christ softballs for Mitt Romney to hit out of the park, but it seems that no one in Boca was listening. The Dittoheads had dittoed the New Hampshire and South Carolina results...
Si McCain. Talk Radio, no!
So, the question is, has the same talk radio who was in machismo over-drive when it pushed a national illegal-alien immigration revolt and in California got Arnold a Gray Davis-do over suffered a severe case of electile dysfunction? Or is it that their ability to tap into the Folks has always been a myth, or at best, an exaggerated sense of self.
No matter which, in this primary race, talk radio has proven to be as limp as Bob Dole prior to discovering Viagra. And if they can't get it up for the primary foreplay, how are they supposed to pleasure the electorate when it comes time for the big night? While conservative values would nix pre-general election relations, certainly the lack of performance by the right's Lords of Loud in the primaries might end up turning off their consorts from listening to their come-ons come November.
You just got to know that real conservative Folks are getting calls from their BFs telling them that these guys are bad news; that they'll f*** anything that can move, move long enough pull a lever for their guy. Oh, the Folks will say that they can change them; make them the honest guys who they could bring home to mom. And they'll hang up on their BFs, and lay in bed in a fetal position crying because even though they know their BFs are right, they can't help themselves.
Sure, they came to bury Johnny, but you can bet they'll keep their shovels handy. And when Glenn Beck, who said he couldn't see himself pulling the lever for McCain and Limbaugh who said that running McCain could be the ruination of the Republican Party, end up sucking up to Johnny Mc when he gets the nomination, why would the Folks even give them a second look...or listen?
I mean, Conservatives aren't just whores who will jump in bed with anyone. At least not the Conservative electorate I know. They understand that when you sleep with whores who aren't concerned about your best interests, you sleep with everyone they've slept with...who's against your best interests. They might as well just ask you to get out the KY-Jelly while they check if your head is flat enough to lay their beer on while they give you the shaft. That's just getting screwed. Just make sure to bring the penicillin. You'll need it.
Award-winning television writer and author of Great Failures of the Extremely Successful", Steve Young, is a former talk show host, writes ad finitum on talk radio (www.greatfailure.com), and his "All The News That's Fit To Spoof" appears in L.A. Daily News opeds every Sunday (www.dailynews.com/columnists), right next to Bill O'Reilly's...really.