"FEMA has issued an apology, saying that they had an error in judgment when they were attempting to get out a lot of information to reporters, who were asking for answers to a variety of questions in regard to the wildfires in California," Perino said. "It's not something I would have condoned. And they _ I'm sure _ will not do it again."
-White House press secretary Dana Perino
But alas, it was too late. The fake PR cat was already out of the bag.
Dateline: Hollywood
Studio Public Relations Gal: First of all, let me apologize for the last minute notice, but since the mail room screw-up kept the actual preview from getting out in time for your Friday film review deadlines, we knew you'd want to get an update on this latest Dane Cook blockbuster ASAP, so... As you all know, Mr. Cook's stellar film career has run the gamut and "Adorable Klutsy Guy Falls In Love With Gorgeous Sexy Chick, Hilarity Ensues" will be no different. Questions? Yes, Boss. I mean, you.
"Reporter": Will there be any clever humor?
SPRG: If our audience wanted it, sure. Yes Dane...
"Reporter II": Will I get to have naked sex with my co-star?
SPRG: You'll have to watch the film to find out, but here's one spoiler you should put your hands over your ears if you don't want to hear... When your character does have sex, and I'm not saying he will, but, if he does, your hair will be mussed in that charming way it always is. Oh, and just as things heat up, you'll toss in a gross-out double entendre, step on your date's hair, and of course, hilarity will ensue.
"Reporter II": F'in cool.
Dateline: The Mall
14 Year Old Girl: Like, I'm sorry my divorced Dad couldn't get away from his new girlfriend and my manic-depressive mom couldn't get out of bed fast enough to be here at the Food Court in time, but like even if I didn't get in their grill early enough, like, they still should have known. God. First question...
"Parent": How hot do you feel hanging out four hours a night in front of Hot Topics? I mean, does it affect your school work and junk?
14YOG: Duh. I'm doing as well as I need to do. I mean, like what do I need math and science for. And I already know enough English to talk good.
"Parent": Kewl.
"Parent II": Wanna hook up?
14YOG: Shu-up. Okay, but only if my mom and dad say it's okay. Mom and Dad...?
"Mom and Dad": That'd be tight.
Dateline: Florida Golf Course
O.J. Simpson: Glad most of you could make it to my release party for "If I Did Threaten The Crap Out of That Sports Merchandiser." I'm sorry to say that the Goldmans and Browns won't be able to get here in time, but I'm expected at the first tee in five minutes, so, tough. Yes,
Reporter: Why were you set up in Vegas?
Simpson: Why don't you ask the Vegas Police Department or better yet, the LAPD? Never mind, I'm sure there are some of them right here. Detective...
Detective Al Cowlings: Is it true that Mark Furhrman planted the guns on your co-defendants who have turned states evidence to get lighter sentences?
Simpson: If I had to make a bet, yes. And I truly believe you'll find the answer lies in the life of Faye Resnick. Right Faye?
"Resnick": Yes. And yes, I did it.
Simpson: Fore!
Dateline: Clinton Press Conference
Hillary: To those of you who were here when we told you we would be holding this press conference at the moment we finished telling you we would be having it, thank you for being prompt. Please feel free to ask any question the media would have asked if they had been here to ask them.
"Media Person": How long has the presidential race, that for all intents and purposes is over, been over?
Hillary: (Guffaw) Oh, Bill. You are such a kidder...and, might I add, an insightful questioner. We feel that the race has been over the moment I entered the race. James...?
"Reporter": Jim Carville, Daily Kissup. How come y'all not a divider?
Hillary (Louder Guffaw): I guess it's because the only people who wouldn't vote for me, wouldn't vote for me anyway. That's not being a divider. That's being the person with so much money I don't have to take a side on any issue, even when I'm on both sides of it.
Dateline: Guiliani Press Conference
Rudy: Last question.
"Reporter": 9-11?
Guiliani: 9-11. And to all of the media. 9-11. Thanks for not needing to be here. 9-11.
Steve Young is an award-winning TV writer and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (www.greatfailure.com)