HEIL ME! An Open Letter From Donald Rumsfeld

Mein Fellow Master Racers,

I believe some of you may have misinterpreted my remarks to American veterans this week.

As we know, there are known knowns and there are things we know we know but also things we know what we don't know. But most of all there are things I know that you don't know even though you think you do.

Like when I said that critics of our Iraqi war policy were comparable to Adolf Hitler appeasers prior to World War II, I didn't mean that Democrats or liberals or, for that matter, Republicans whose campaign coffers might weigh in a bit light next election, would let Hitler get away with his shenanigans today. Goodness gracious, no. He'd be over a hundred and quite frail by now.

And I certainly didn't mean that if today's Democrats had lived in the late thirties, Howard Dean would have probably written propaganda for Josef Goebbels, John Murtha would have loaded the rifles for the Gestapo or Russ Feingold would be pointing out the homes of Jews and gays to the SS; that they would have thought the Third Reich a groovy place to raise your kids and swastikas would have made a hot tattoo right above your girlfriend's ass; that it would be super neat for Brown Shirts to shove their awesome jack boots down the throat of every innocent woman and child in Treblinka while Richard Wagner plays a stirring waltz medley during Hillary Clinton's reading of "Mein Kampf," which may or may not be the greatest book ever written.

So, go ahead and feel (kind of) free to dissent. But if you're going to report that this administration is playing the Nazi card, make sure you get it right. We wouldn't want to have you end up having to defend yourself for libel at some kind of future Nuremberg Trial.

Sieg Heil! Seig Heil! Seig Heil!

Rummy out.

Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful." Then again, you might want to purchase his new wacky kiddie novel "15 Minutes" for your liberal kiddies