There comes a time in all good journalists' lives when they must confront an agonizing truth. Be it that I am neither a good journalist, nor even a journalist, the pill, a mixed metaphor the size of Fox News' success, doesn't go down the throat any easier.
This week I chased a rumor-laced story that had holy grail of Bill O'Reilly-contrarians written all over it. Holy grail with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
Bill O'Reilly was soon to lose his radio gig.
Let me say that again.
Bill O'Reilly was soon to lose his radio gig.
I repeat it not so much to make a point as much as it still feels pretty good to say it, though not near as good as yesterday.
Bill O'Reilly was not soon to lose his radio gig. In fact, he is close to signing a contract renewal.
So says a well-placed, inside source who is paid to know.
Four different other "well-placed," but not near as well-placed sources, had heard that Bill O'Reilly was soon to lose his radio gig. Hmm. Now it doesn't feel good at all.
At one station, a search had already started to fill in Bill's time slot.
"Bad information," my not-rumor-based-knows-what-he's-talking-about, source said. "In fact, Bill's show has been an unbelievable success."
Of course one might try to parse the statement. If it were an "unbelievable success," that would mean that it wasn't to be believed. Ah, cherry-picking just isn't working for me this morning.
While I used every hearsay reference -- "buzz around the watering hole," "inside-the-loop chatter," "possibility of losing his radio spot-rumor" -- I was driven, not by fact, but by hope. The plain, unadulterated motivation that the rumors were harbingers of soon-to-be-confirmed truth; that the calls I placed to O'Reilly administration sources weren't returned because they were ducking me since they only held bad news for Bill.
I was wrong, damnit. First time...I think.
Oh sure, there were facts that could be substantiated. Keith Olbermann did beat the Factor on Bill's birthday.
And Bill has "dropped all pretense of fair and balanceness, going whole warthog against the Democrats and any other group or person who has any semblance of connection to the left. Bill was initiating "hysterical, one-note scapegoating" and he has been "going after his own Fox Consultants who refuse to kowtow to the lead he's fed them." And, yes, even that "I seem to have a sick infatuation with reporting every single hypocritical misrepresentation delivered by Bill."
But that's not in anyway an excuse for getting this story wrong.
Even as an opinion-based, infotainment writer, I owe my fans - both of them - some semblance of credibility.
So it is, that I must admit to my readers, I let you down as doest the drug dealer lets down the addict. I gave you a solid high, but sold it to you with no warning of the inevitable, devastating crash.
I'm sorry.
I apologize to my generous website forums. They have, and should, expect me to deliver hard-hitting satirical noise, that thanks to computer bits and time-space continuums, will last forever; that has some basis in truth Even in satire, there has to be a foundation of fact. The kind that Dennis Miller used to employ in his act.
To Arianna and the rest, I'm sorry.
I apologize to the right-wing sites who nervously picked up the story and hoped beyond hope that I was just a hateful left wing columnist, being hatefully wrong.
To Brian and the boys, I'm sorry.
I apologize to Keith Olbermann, who I'm sure I aggravated his already sore, former appendix, and to Al Franken, who I hope I did not disrupt his surging campaign too much.
Sorry Keith. Sorry Al.
But most of all, it is Bill O'Reilly I owe the apology to.
There is a cornucopia of malfeasance I could use to condemn you, much of which you hand me on a silver platter. This one, unfortunately, was not culled from that overflowing horn of plenty.
I'm sorry, but I want to make this better by actions, not words.
First of all, I have instructed my blog-handlers dock every cent they paid me for the column, but I know that is not near enough. In fact, that isn't anything.
What is something, what is the very air I breathe, is what I put on the page to expose your dearth of any common decency. So it is that, herewith, I pledge to not write one single anti-you, anti-Bill word. It won't be easy. I know you will be lobbing duplicitous softballs down the center of the plate, but I will let them pass with not the semblance of a swing. And I will continue to do so..for the entire next week. Seven days...in a row. It's the least I can do. The very least.
I hope that one day you're find it in your heart, if you ever do locate it, to accept my apology. It was most persnickety
And for that, I'm sorry.
I wrote an entire book about learning from mistakes - which I continue to try to sell on the back of my criticisms of you. I hope that this will be a mistake that I can learn from.
Then again, I could be wrong.
Now, what can I write about Hannity?
Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" www.greatfailure.com and his weekly Sunday newspaper column appears every Sunday just to the left of Bill O'Reilly's in the L.A. Daily News