After turning down a lucrative offer from The Onion, in a rambling Tweet, lame duck Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin has announced her rationale for stepping down from office.
Hey, Alaska. Howyadoin'? I'm doin' great. Despite what the hateful, elite, liberal media said...Hey, look a cow!... I am not quitting. I'm a fisherlady and I know that...
Sorry. I didn't quit writing my Tweet. I am not a Twitter quitter. I just keep forgetting how many characters I can fit in a Twitter. I just want you all to make sure that you...
Darn. Todd, will you please count out loud so I know how many letters I wrote so I don't have to keep starting over. I bet it's the hateful media that made the Twitter rules...
Thanks, Todd. For nothin'. Seems like the rules are different for when I go over my Twitter limit. Other politicians can go on and on but when I do it, the hateful elite medi...
Forget it. I just want you all to know that I'm not a quitter. Only dead fish quit and I'm not a dead fish despite what hateful, elite, liberal media say about my gills.
Hey, I think I've got it now. 140 characters. Almost the same amount of so-called ethics investigations against me that were dismissed. BTW, the gill thing was a joke.
I wanted to set the record straight. I quit was not because I'm a quitter, but because I didn't want to be one of those greedy, trip-taking lame duck governors.
But also, I wanted you all to know that I won't be abandoning you. I'm not wired that way. I will be running for Alaska governor in 2010. And I didn't want to do that as a lame duck.
This way I can run for governor without be bogged down with being governor. It's unfair to the people of Alaska. That's just not the way God wired me.
In conclusion, I will continue driving down the court for Alaska, passing to the open man, getting to the hoop and planning a positive agenda when I play in the NBA Orlando Summer Camp
Let's see the hateful, elite liberal media try and turn this into another attack on Trig.
Republican strategist, Mary Matalin, called Palin's Tweet, "public-spirited."
"First of all it showed that Palin is a quick learner," said Matalin. "My guess is that Joe Biden took way more Tweets before he figured out the 140 character limit. As far as resigning so she could run without being bogged down with the job of governor, it just proves that she puts the people ahead of her ambitions. It's the run of the mill politician who would take a governor's salary while running for governor."
"Brilliant," added Weekly Standard editor and Fox Contributor, Bill Kristol. "Mark Sanford would have to invade Iran to top this. An idea which I whole heartedly support."
In other news Saturday Night Live announced plans to sue Palin for satirical larceny.
"There are just so many sketches one has in a lifetime," said SNL producer Lorne Michaels. "We never sought to run for Alaska governor. Why did Governor Palin think it was proper for her to suck every drop of comedy out of the very bit we were working on for the season premiere? If not illegal certainly has to be considered for another ethics investigation.
In medical news, Tina Fey has been put of Vaughn Meader suicide watch.
Award-winning TV writer Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" www.greatfailure.com. and blogs at the appropriately-named www.steveyoungonpolitics.com