"Judge me not with fabrication and spite, for thou who willfully chooses to mislead and blaspheme feeds only thy victims' coffers and begets a larger fool in thyself."Book of Franken, Makris, Dodd and The Guys and Gals Down At The DailyKos
"They have devices that record things I say? Shit."
Bill O'Reilly
In a forthcoming interview with Vanity Fair that is sure to set the "turn over in their grave" crowd all abuzz, former Senator Joeseph McCarthy (R, Wis) has requested that "all living pundits, politicians and speechwriters cease comparing me to Bill O'Reilly."
"I am sick and tired of having to explain that I was a freakin' alcoholic, not a flaming idiot, which you would have to be to toss out some of the crap O'Reilly does. At least I had an excuse."
McCarthy granted the interview after hearing a tape of Democratic Presidential candidate Chris Dodd (D,Conn) on the O'Reilly Factor in which O'Reilly told Dodd that he had never said that if Al Qaeda comes in here [San Francisco] and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it."
"I may be dead but even I know that if you said it and it's on tape, you pretty much have to admit that you said it. Not O'Reilly."
"But that wasn't bad enough,"said the dead representative. "When he asked Dodd if he found a cartoon of former Democratic senator, Joe Lieberman, troubling, Dodd said he did. But then this morning, O'Reilly said that Dodd 'would not condemn it.' He had just played a tape of freakin' Dodd saying he thought it was wrong, and then he says he didn't? What is he, a goddamn commie?" .
"I hate Democrats just as much as the next fascist, but this guy says that Democratic candidates are afraid to come on his show because the DailyKos will smear you. Hello. Dodd just came on your show and DailyKos wrote 'Dodd Stands Up To O'Reilly,' writing that 'Dodd successfully exposed O'Reilly's hypocrisy.' Some smear."
"I know I was a sleeze bag and waved blank papers claiming to have American communist conspirators written on them but, for crissakes, I wasn't stupid enough to say I didn't say something that I did say on radio or TV that millions of people heard and have access to. You have got to be brain dead to set yourself up like that."
"Look, I'm going back to being dead, but I'm pleading with anyone who reads this... You want to compare me to Hitler or the KKK, or even Nixon fine. But, please, not O'Reilly. That's just plain rude."
For the record, O'Reilly said that, "(Dodd )would not be able to come back from this.." Based on O'Reilly's track record, we may want to get the White House ready for a president from Connecticut.
Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" www.greatfailure.com and his weekly Sunday column appears to the left of Bill O'Reilly's every Sunday in the L.A. Daily News.