I'm just going to start by saying it, cell phones don't work. Can we collectively admit that? Not only do they not work, but cell companies have us all strapped into these contracts which perpetuates the denial. So instead of saying "these fake-ass walkie-talkies just don't work.." we try to one up each other with tales of full-bar glory in obscure locations. "well my ATT gets perfect service in the middle of Angeles Crest Forest..." "Oh yea? Well my Verizon worked out at Leo Carillo..on the beach!" It's like only talking about Vegas gambling when you win, while failing to mention the time you lost $5,500 on blackjack, or in this case the fact that you can't get a call to not drop every two minutes in the comfort of your own home.
My personal cell-story is a bit sad. I live on a hill and it's close to downtown Los Angeles. In fact, so close I have an unobstructed view. In the other direction I can see the snow on the mountains. If I stood on my roof, the view would be about 270 degrees, save for the hill across the street that is a little taller than mine. A hilltop utopia two miles north of downtown. Sounds like a perfect spot to chat on the cellie to me, but it isn't. And before you say it's my service, I've tried them all. Started with Nextel, moved to Sprint (pre-merge), then T-Mobile, Cingular (pre ATT) and now Verizon. I know, you're thinking "you should try ATT." I can tell you I don't have to. I know every iPhoner on my street by the simple fact that the only place they get reception is literally on the street. They are like the cellular homeless of my 'hood.
Speaking of homeless, for the past six months I've been going commando. Yea, you heard it.. out. of. contract. The idea of picking which broken service to use is too much of a burden for an over-thinker such as myself. That doesn't mean I haven't done the research. No, I've read it all. Or as my friend Geoff pointed out the other day "at this point, you're so deep in research debt, no matter what you do you're going to lose." What a sad but true statement. Though, I've uncovered the data to back up what I already knew, the phones don't work. In fact, the highest rated service on cellreception.com for my area code is Verizon with a pitiful 2.38 out of five. And it's downhill from there to AT&T with a hurting 1.4. Now I'll be the first to admit that if I was logging on to this site to rate something, it would be to give zero stars and tear off a good, does-nothing-but-makes-me-feel-better rant, but still. I also know there are all sorts of people who love to brag about their service, and there are more than a few five stars-ers doing just that. Even if you +/- a point, $100 a month for 2.38 stars out of 5 service doesn't seem so cool.
Have you ever looked at dead spot maps? I have. (I wasn't joking about the research debt.) I'll admit a little fudging on my part by zooming out, but I just thought it was funny that the entire city can be seen as one big reported dead spot. And before you switch to Sprint or T-Mobile, consider that their smaller subscription bases could be the cause of less complaints:
Ever hear of a network extender? Yea I hadn't either. Well, not personal ones for cell phones at least. Turns out if you're on Sprint or Verizon, and not getting their stellar service in your home, you can fix that for a mere $250 (Verizon... can you hear me now?) or $99 +$5/month (Sprint). Instead of bothering with more silly towers that cost them lots of money and headache from neighborhood committees, they can sell you a box that makes that thing you're already paying to have work, actually work. I can understand for people who live out of the way, but from where I'm sitting I think I can see office workers making out in a 36th floor copy room. Don't they need their coverage over there and shouldn't I be reaping the rewards? Something just isn't adding up.
What can we do? I don't know. There is only so much complaining the phone operators of India can take from our funny little country. The best idea I can offer is to propose we turn our conversation away from bragging to each other how mega our personal carrier's service is and practice a bit more humility. It's okay to admit that you can't get service in Trader Joe's to call home and ask if you were supposed to grab soy or rice milk. There is no shame in a text not arriving until you leave your house. And there is nothing wrong with checking that Facebook at the next stoplight, maybe the 3G works over there. You know we'll all miss "oops..I didn't get the message" when they do finally get our communicators working. But until the neighbors stop petitioning all my proposed reception away or they come up with a better system than glorified walkie-talkies, you'll have better luck just texting me. And if I want to talk to you, I won't pretend that it never showed up.