Note: Three years ago I, then a twenty-three year cancer survivor, wrote this piece about the valiant decision of Elizabeth Edwards to go on with her life after learning that she had incurable breast cancer. In those years, she showed us a special grace and a gritty determination in every aspect of her life.
By last count, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported more than 10 million cancer survivors. That's up an astonishing 66% percent in just ten years. I am one of them; next month I will celebrate twenty-three years cancer free -- cured -- of my testicular cancer. Like Elizabeth Edwards and the other members of the so-called "cancer survivors club," I, too, had to face the highly personal decision as to whether or not to continue working as I endured numerous two surgeries and weekly chemotherapy treatments.
Before I tell you what I chose to do, let me purposely digress: Two years after my treatment ended I became a volunteer at the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, where I had been sliced and diced for more than eight hours on the operating table, with a disappointing outcome: more than a dozen "positive" (cancerous) lymph nodes in my abdomen. "Memorial", as its graduates like to call it, has a special cadre of volunteers in its "patient to patient" program. What's special? Each volunteer has been treated for one cancer or another and is specifically matched with a newly diagnosed patient with that same kind of cancer.
We're taught a lot of different things in the volunteer training, but none more important than this: Do not judge others. And do not think that your experience with the disease is universal -- or, in fact, is anything that just yours. Often that was easier said than done. Sometimes, I would visit patients and be appalled at some of their decisions. For instance, I recall a patient whose doctors highly recommended a clinical trial for her disease, one then only available at Memorial; she chose to return to a regional hospital because it would be easier for her family to take care of her. I would have chosen otherwise; her doctors pleaded with her to do otherwise. But my role was to listen, knowing that her values, needs and wants were -- by definition -- different than mine or anyone else's.
Ironically, when I first heard that Elizabeth Edwards had asked her husband to continue with his campaign and that she would continue to do so, too, in my heart I judged her. Even though I had continued with my life as close to "the plan" as I could when I fell ill, silently I said to myself: "What about her young children?" "What about her needs?" For several moments, I felt I knew better what Elizabeth Edwards should do than she, herself.
Clearly, many of us do. Just pick up any newspaper or read any news web site since their announcement here in Chapel Hill and you can follow the heated debate: should they or shouldn't they have continued the campaign. Is it courage, folly, principle, or blind ambition? According to a New York Times story, most cancer survivors agree that Elizabeth and John Edwards should go forward with the campaign, with their lives as planned. Others are not so sure. To be honest, it took me a couple of days to switch gears and to stop judging Mrs. Edwards and her decision. I recalled our training at Memorial: do not judge and do not universalize your experience. It's an important life lesson overall, but none more so than in this instance.
Yes, I chose to work throughout my illness. And I was fairly successful in showing up week after week. But not always. Sometimes I threw up (chemotherapy-related nausea) and once passed out (a bad drug interaction). We make our decisions and live with them the best we can. Sometimes they stick; sometimes they don't.
Steven Petrow lives in Chapel Hill and originally wrote this op-edit for the Raleigh News & Observer.
Follow Steven Petrow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/gaymanners
Rev. Meg Riley: The Gratitude and Grace of Elizabeth Edwards
Rev. Amy Ziettlow: Following a Divine Road Map: A Lesson Inspired by the Life of Elizabeth Edwards
Dr. Judith Rich: The Deliberate Life of Elizabeth Edwards
Jamie Court: Elizabeth Edwards: "With Less Armor Than I Have, They Fight Too."
On 9/11, 2,966 people lost their lives in the terrorist attacks. In response, the U.S. government waged war in Afghanistan and then Iraq at a cost of $1.1 trillion (to date). That comes to $370 million for each person killed on 9/11.
$9.09 per victim for cancer and $370 million per victim for 9/11. That pretty much tells us where our nation’s priorities are, doesn’t it? (And once again, it’s obviously not with the sick and infirm.)
To put the above figures in further perspective, in terms of body count we would have to have a 9/11 attack occur every two days for an entire year to equal the number of cancer deaths in a year.
Further, it would take 220 years of cancer research expenditures (i.e., until the year 2230) to equal what we’ve spent on Iraq/Afghanistan to date. Imagine how far we’d be in the war on cancer if we’d taken all the money we’ve spent on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and invested it in finding a cure for cancer instead.
SOURCES FOR STATISTICS:
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/NCI/research-funding
http://www.cancure.org/statistics.htm
http://www.costofwar.com/
Your comment about, well, pardon the term, judging really struck a note with me. I refuse to watch Katie Couric in any program because of the callous, heartless way she presented just those type questions you mention concerning Elizabeth Edwards priorities on a special that she did with both the Edwards. It was just unbelievable and so inappropriate. A reporter doesn't always have to be a harda.... to prove she/he can do the tough stories. We each get a shot at this life and it is our choice to do what we will (within the limits of the law of course). Good article.
and our old opinions just won't budge.
But your advice is sage and true
and it is helpful to have your view:
cancer is something with which some must contend
in each his/her own way . . . until the end.
Elizabeth taught us humility and grace
and fought till the end of her own race.
We love her for all that she's done,
we just wish this was one race she'd won.