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When I first saw the election results from Maine Wednesday morning denying (yet, again) gays and lesbians the right to marry, my heart sank. Like everyone else, I know the adage that social change is slow (and, indeed, it's quite amazing how far we've come on this issue in such a short period of time). So, it wasn't surprising that my first Facebook post about the Maine debacle said: "As dispiriting as this post-election Wednesday is, let's not forget that we will prevail." OK, call me a half-full glass kind of guy.
But then, I got to thinking ... actually it was more feeling than thinking, which is sometimes the right thing to do (especially as comments started to roll in on my page, responding to my Pollyanna post):
At first, I was questioned. "Are you sure about that?" posted a noted gay writer, whose opinion matters to me. Quickly, though, the tone changed. Spencer Cox, a long time gay activist, commented: "That's what Ann Frank said. Then they sent her to Auschwitz." Harsh, I thought to myself. But that afternoon a lesbian colleague of mine, married (in California, but recognized almost nowhere else) and the mother of two girls posted: "I'm tired of having post-election blues. I'm tired of this being an electoral issue. I'm tired of the tyranny of the majority. I'm just plain tired of it."
And that's when I stopped being a half-full glass kind of guy.
I danced around Facebook and began to note the rising tide of anger on many of my friend's Facebook pages, but notably Spencer Cox's:
Cox: "Awfully tired of being patient and reasonable. On so many levels."
Friend: "Me too. F**king Maine."
Friend: "When did you become patient? Reasonable, always."
Cox: "OK, TRYING to be patient and reasonable."
And then the chorus began, one after another.
"F**kMaine."
"F**k Maine."
"F**k Maine."
Even one young woman, who noted, "Raised-to-be-polite person that I am, I agree: F**k Maine." This paroxysm of anger culminated with this post: "Double f**k Maine with a couple of chainsaws. I'm so f**king mad I might punch the next person I see with a Maine plate."
While now angry myself, I found more of it directed at the Catholic church and groups like the National Organization for Marriage that spent boatloads of dollars on this blatantly discriminatory attack on the LGBT community, rather than ordinary Mainers.
By late afternoon, this anger, now viral on the Web, started to morph into something else: Action. "Well, put on your shit-kicking boots boys and girls and let's go raise us some hell," posted one lesbian. But then came this comment and I knew he was right:
"
My question is what happened to good old fashioned civil disobedience. Not this crap that replaced it in the 90's. At some point protesting became an afternoon after work or weekend thing that doesn't disturb anyone's life so I can feel better about having done something. Without economic impact protest is a waste of time. I say flood offices that give marriage licenses. Protest outside of churches where [straight] marriages are taking place."
It's been a generation since ACT-UP's members and other community activists took to the streets, protesting outside St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York and the NIH in Washington, among a plethora of similar disturbances. Still, these tactics (and lessons) should not (cannot) be lost in this new struggle for marriage equality. Of course, it makes sense to continue to pursue our rights in state and federal courts, legislative halls and on local ballots. At the same time, as long-time AIDS and gay rights activist Peter Staley told me: "Civil disobedience is the missing piece of activism in our portfolio these days." But he also cautions: "Gay rights activism is as wide as the country but very thin." He worries aloud whether the "twenty-something" generation of LGBT people will do more "than just blog or tweet or take a bus for the day [to march]."
More than two decades ago, as the HIV epidemic was in full throttle, Larry Kramer reportedly asked a group of more than 300 gay men (that soon became ACT-UP): "Do we want to start a new organization devoted to political action?"
After Maine, that seems to be the question. But who will step up?
Visit Steven Petrow on the Web at stevenpetrow.com
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Good points....
Can I vote on your marriage? Of course NOT.
Onward towards equality,
Joe Mustich, Justice of the Peace,
Washington, Connecticut, USA.
In the meantime please come to CT to get married.
To follow what civil disobedience Mainers are causing, please become a fan of DEMAND EQUALITY NOW on Facebook. We're not taking this lying down.
See Philip N. Cohen's Profile
Black freedom and civil rights progress would not have been achieved through referendums. On the other hand, their demands were more threatening, hard as it is to believe, than the demand for gay marriage. If all we need is legal gay marriage, would another generation or two get it done through the courts, legislatures, or referendums? This raises the question of whether marriage should be *the* issue, too.
So "threatening" is not getting lynched for looking at a white woman? Or sitting at the same lunch counter? Or using the same public bathroom?
This false equivalence argument is weak and counterproductive.
Bet HuffPo scrubs this one too...
as an American at 49yrs old... I continue to fight for equality - but IF given the chance - and some financial windfall - Im OUT of this Hateful,ba
You should go to England, where gay couples have full federal recognition, full recognition of their relationship and commitment and obligations, enough for Elton John to ask what the heck was wrong with Americans who hold out for equal marriage. In England, they discuss important issues like genetic engineering and using stem-cell derived gametes to procreate, and they have prohibited those things, including same-sex conception, but have given same-sex couples all the other rights of both-sex couples. Isn't that a good idea for America? Why hold out for marriage rights when same-sex procreation can't even be done yet, might never be possible, love makes a family, and so many thousands of families need plain old recognition and benefits for their committed relationships?
I will tell u what I told my one sister - IF & when this issue comes up, and it will in Pa....IF ANY of my bothers or sisters (Im 1 of 8, 2 of us are gay) VOTE against me or my sister - IM through with them - forver - they will be dead to me..blood or no blood..Fam
I feel the same way. If I find out someone in my family is anti-gay and has actively voted to block me from buidling the life as I wish to build it - POOF - gone. No desire to see them again.
This includes many fundamentalist relatives and an uncle who is a former dean of the National War College in D.C.
And I simply cannot be friends, TRUE friends, with someone who has voted against equality. I don't do that kind of friendship. Too old for that.
As a gay man who recently moved to Texas after living in Maine for 22 years, I was saddened by the election outcome. I have a few questions for those of you who so vehemently shout "f**k Maine!"
--Do you think that the 47% of voters who believed in gay marriage rights deserve to be punished?
--Do you think that both houses of the Maine legislature, as well as the Governor who signed the original bill affirming gay marriage, should be f**ked?
--Did you help Protect Maine Equality with your money or time?
--Are you boycotting the states that haven't even considered taking a stand?
I understand civil disobedience and believe it may be the right course of action for us on a national level. To punish Maine, a state full of wonderful people who fought hard for our rights against out-of-state political machines, is just plain mean and hurtful. Listen to your hearts. Why do you want to chastise people who sided with love? I have many friends and family members in Maine who are very disappointed too. They don't deserve your misplaced anger.
If you are only going to travel to states that affirm your marriage rights, then you're not going to leave New England other than for your trip to Iowa. Please think about what you are suggesting. Maine people deserve better than to be chastised for at least trying to do the right thing.
First, as with CA, it was not a decision to not provide a new civil right but to rescind one. Again it was a majority vote on an actual minority right.
To get to the point that it was voted on through ballot measure meant that the state legislature, governor, and attorney did not successfully intervene in stopping mob action on equal rights for minorities. If leaders do not protect civil rights, who will? I can see why people are moved to say “f$#k Maine” as I said “f$#k California” after I was forced to watch my rights put up to the vote all state residents whether they be racist, illiterate, neo-conservatives, white supremacists, religious fundamentalists, neo-Nazis, parents that had kicked their gay kids out of the house, or anybody else that wished to weigh in on my civil rights. This after everybody in the state had to sit through on on-slaught of commercials, billboards, newspaper ads and so forth telling lies about me.
I do not agree with fighting hate with hate. In Maine, there was a vote by elected leaders to provide a NEW right to gay people--the right to legally marry someone of the same sex. There was no "actual minority right" because it had not yet been passed into law. Maine allows citizens to gather signatures to bring any newly passed bill to referendum before it becomes law. There was no "mob action." It was a people's veto. This is allowed for all newly passed legislation. Were the leaders supposed to trample on the existing law that allows for a people's veto in order to "protect" the rights of gays? All that would have done is opened up more avenues for repeals and/or legal action. It certainly would have stirred up the hatred from the conservative, one man/one woman crowd. I am confident that they wouldn't have just said, "Oh well, let's just let them have their rights."
As gays, we can talk all we want to about "our rights." The fact of the matter is that we do not have all the same rights as others until our states grant them to us. Is this fair? No! But it's reality. So what can YOU do about it that is constructive, positive, and helpful?
Anyone who would fight for the "right" to get married has never been married. At least not to a woman. If it were up to me I'd make marriage an exclusively gay institution , like interior decorating.
And let's reverse DADT. I think gays should fight all of this country's wars from now on, since this country's enemies seem to be fighting gays. No more straight people in the Army. Let's stop sacrificing straight people for gay rights in Afghanistan.
I am stepping up!
I never really did anything political in my life, as I always believed, I guess being the "good gay"
I always wanted to fit into my work and community. My partner and I raised a daughter early on in the 1980's and we have two fine grandsons.
That was then, THIS IS NOW!
I think it is abhorrent that my family’s rights should be voted away. This is reprehensible and outrageous.
At this point all I can do is STAND UP! And say THIS IS WRONG!
I have no interest in trying to "make nice" or please my oppressors.
I simply find this state of in-equality un-acceptable and I will never stand for it.
Many have advised caution, but frankly, I can see what that has done: nothing! It is only by demanding my rights, not as a gift or a concession, that anything is accomplished.
I reject the idea that I have to woo anyone to my “cause”
I have no cause! I have a family that is not granted the rights and dignity of others, and this is based on hate. We are good people and Americans, and this state of injustice must not continue, no matter if unreasonable and ignorant hate is popular.
It's about dignity. That's REALLY what this is all about, in the end.
Loved reading your post, Philip.
It was only Tuesday afternoon that I began thinking Maine could do the impossible
I don't know that civil disobedience will do much good in this day and age. It'll be tweeted and shown on the news but will it really affect anyone's opinions of our cause?
I argue the best reaction is to pull our gay dollars out of Maine and pump them into states like New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Iowa. We have the power to show the 53% of Yes voters just how much we influence their "quality of life".
I've given up on gay organizations AND any other type of (feigned) "fighting" I've seen out there. If we just lined up the children in America who are hurt by LGBTQ legal discrimination (and reacted more like mothers), we'd be fighting with MUCH more than clever signs and phone calls.
I agree 1,000% with Mixner's line - "How can we have any dignity, honor or pride in ourselves if we validate this continued process of ballot box terrorism?" - so I take my fight directly to the FEDS, since THEY allow religious institutions to intrude upon my life in US law.
No equal protection?
No taxes paid.
And this fight WILL end in my own death if they try to imprison me. But don't waste your time criticizing me for being "stupid-sh
You do what YOU need to do. Find YOUR dignity.
You all seem so shocked that the citizens of Maine voted the way they did; didn't you ever, even for a minute, consider this may possibly be the outcome?
Considering it's New England, yes, it was a stunning blow.
But get this. A mere 31% of registered voters usurped these rights from us. 27% voted to sustain these rights, and 42% of registered residents did not vote at all.
That means that 31% of registered voters took this right away from a minority group, while 69% of registered voters either supported us or didn't care enough either way to show up to vote.
69%!
The majority spoke, indeed, and that majority doesn't have a problem with gay marriage.
This illustrates precisely why civil rights should not be put to a popular vote. Among other reasons.
I'm starting to believe that we aren't respected in our fight for equality because we are too polite. I'd love to see gays and our straight allies take to the streets, lay down and stop traffic, break a few windows (OK, maybe that went a tad too far). I also believe part of the problem is that gay rights has become "gay marriage" only, and many people feel that we are fighting for our right to have a big ole fabulous wedding ceremony, when in actuality the gay rights movement is about everything from employment, housing, military, hate-crime legislation AND marriage. We just want the same treatment and pursuit of happiness that straight-America takes for granted. Nothing more, nothing less.
You're right. We take to the streets as jokes. People laugh at us, and our cause. We are too damn polite. I don't think we should be violent, although I think every time one of us hears "f*g" or "d**e", we should beat the sense out of the offender, because no one would be upset if it happened to an idiot who said "n****r". If we actually did what other people have done, like disrupting traffic, screaming at town halls, rioting (yes rioting) in the streets after our rights have been voted away or when one of us gets news attention for being bashed. I'm personally at the point where I'd love to see something like a pink brigade terrorizing homophobes. We're in a war, and we don't act like it.
there is a group out there, been here for YEARS actually, called the RAVEN SOCIETY.
its ONLY purpose is to OUT homophobic bigots and show the world their hipocracy and shut them down. Some of more famous members have taken down some high profile bigots in recent years, and will continue to do so in the coming years. So dont think there is NO one out there doing gay terrorism, as there is.
Remember our name, we are THE RAVEN SOCIETY
It's "normal," I guess, for the citizenry to need to be dragged in the right direction kicking and screaming, via court order, primarily. Good luck with the Supreme Court we have now, though. But gay people don't have much to lose by "acting up," since they are so demonized already by the usual crowd who are always squealing about somebody coming after them, coming after their freedoms, coming after their children, trying to outlaw Jesus, the flag, guns, trying to enforce abortions.
Those were my sentiments exactly Wednesday, F**k Maine!
I live on the northern border of Massachusetts and I'll be damned if Maine and their tourist driven economy gets another penny from me.
My aunt and her wife own a summer place up near Bar Harbor and they put it on the market yesterday, said "If they don't want to recognize our marriage then they don't need our property taxes nor the thousands of dollars we spend in their state every year."
F**K Maine!
I'd like to add my voice to the chorus, F*#K MAINE!!!
What if Civil Unions became the only legally recognized personal partnerships (as opposed to business partnerships). Would it not be ironic if the opponents of marriage equality were forced to accept the total abolishment of marriage as a legally recognized institution. Through their own actions the country would compromise to the point of, if everyone can not marry, then no one can. Not a good solution but, I find a dark humor in it...
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