Question: "Last Saturday at a bar I had some guy hitting on me, but I wasn't interested. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I didn't want to talk with him for one more second and he was NOT taking a hint. Help -- what's the polite way to ditch someone?"
Answer: Mr. Manners remembers when he worried about this problem -- "back in the day," before the Internet and all those dating apps that let us ignore unwanted winks, pings, or pokes. (Giving the the cold shoulder to those digital come-ons is perfectly fine "e-tiquette," by the way.) Still, I understand that some of you kids still go to clubs and meet people by actually speaking to them first. Such risky business!
Let me start with some un-approved ways to handle a bore -- or a boar.
WORST:
- Don't tell him (or her) that you're going to the restroom or to get another cocktail and that "you'll be right back" when you have no intention of coming back at all. That's just rude for starters, and it may not even work, since he may walk with you, offer to get you that next drink, or seek you out again later, leaving you with your barnacle still attached.
If you don't want to be a complete boor yourself, try these slightly more political strategies:
BETTER:
- "Thank you so much for your interest, but I am involved with my spirituality at this time and self reflection." (They will run from you!)
Finally, some two thumbs up ways to end the encounter:
BEST:
How about being straightforward, which is not necessarily the same as being brutally honest? That way you don't have to worry about keeping your story straight, going outside to smoke when you don't smoke, or inventing a fake dental emergency.
- "You seem very nice, but I'm really just here to hang out with my friends," or "I'm very flattered but I'm not really looking for anything -- or anyone -- tonight."
What are your bar stories? Let's hear them below in the comment field. Happy hunting.
This article originally appeared on Advocate.com.
Image: IStockPhoto.com
Steven Petrow is the author of Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and can be found online at gaymanners.com. Got a question? Email him at ask@gaymanners.com, or contact him on Facebook and Twitter.