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Steven Petrow

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The War on Christmas: When 'Merry Christmas' Isn't Very Merry

Posted: 12/22/10 07:41 PM ET

We finally put up our Christmas tree this past weekend -- and that's when all the trouble started. Early Sunday, NPR's Nina Totenberg, in making a point about the federal budget, asked her fellow panelists to "forgive the expression" when she referred to a party she had attended as a "Christmas party," instead of the presumably more inclusive "holiday party." By the time the sun set, her preemptive apology had gone viral online. Fox News picked up the story, and bloggers from the right and left had a field day with Totenberg. As one Huffington Post commenter noted, "The day is called Christmas. It is a federally recognized holiday. So the problem is?" Another called her a "politically correct chucklehead."

But of the hundreds of comments, this one really caught my eye: "Is this, forgive the expression, political correctness gone wild?"

On the face of it, I'd say, you bet. Don't we have more important things to worry about than whether a friend, coworker, or newscaster uses an expression like "Christmas party" or "Merry Christmas"?

Anyway, that's where I left the conversation in my head on Sunday night.

Come Tuesday, I'm checking in for a flight with an actual human when, once we're done, she whispers, "Even though I'm not allowed to say this, 'Merry Christmas.'" I was stunned, not because of her language per se, but because of the subversive and quietly aggressive manner. The guarded delivery, the wink with no actual wink, suggested that we were part of an underground cabal, giving the middle finger to all those who suggest that there's a religious if not exclusionary subtext to such an expression as "Merry Christmas."

Then, this morning, as I'm driving to the gym, I tune into an AM radio station and hear the announcer shout out on-air, clearly defiantly, "Merry Christmas!" before launching into a conversation with his co-host about how the dominant religion in this country is now being infringed upon -- that is, silenced -- by the minority. The co-host, simultaneously displaying both anguish and outrage, replied, "I just don't understand what's the matter with these people. What the ..." stopping herself presumably before saying a different word that would really get her in trouble with the FCC if not these people.

At the gym -- which, by the way, is a state-funded institution -- much to my surprise I found myself adjacent to a conversation about the "holiday tree," not to be confused with a "Christmas tree," because that term apparently had caused quite an uproar in years past. A staff member explained all of this and noted that some of the Jewish members had asked for parity -- the display of a menorah. "But we didn't know where to find one," she sharply noted. No longer just a bystander, I jumped in with this helpful suggestion. "How about Menorah.com," not really knowing whether such a site existed. She replied, "Well, who knows what you'll find there," her tone implying that it might be a porn site. Later, I went online to check Menorah.com, and indeed it exists; it's not a porn site but "the world's largest selection of menorahs."

All of which led me to rethink whether this "Merry Christmas" talk is much ado about nothing. On second thought, I don't think it is: There's now an implicit meaning to the phrase that's chilling. Instead of the warm, embracing greeting that it once was, out of some mouths it's become a loaded term, one of exclusion and division.

Anyway, I'm now desperately trying to finish writing my holiday cards for the year. And I've got three different ones before me. The first says "Best Wishes for Christmas" and I'm sending those to friends and others whom I know celebrate the Nativity. Another proclaims "Peace on Earth" and is embellished with a Star of David, a cross, and a crescent moon (the symbol of the faith of Islam) and those go to my non-Christmas celebrants. Lastly, my personal favorite says "Bah" on the front, followed by "Humbug" inside. Those go to my snarky friends of whatever faith.

Why would I want to send a card to someone and take the risk that it's offensive? One size doesn't fit all -- especially in December.

Steven Petrow writes a nationally syndicated manners column and is the author of the forthcoming book, "Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners" (Workman, 2011).

 

Follow Steven Petrow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/gaymanners

We finally put up our Christmas tree this past weekend -- and that's when all the trouble started. Early Sunday, NPR's Nina Totenberg, in making a point about the federal budget, asked her fellow pane...
We finally put up our Christmas tree this past weekend -- and that's when all the trouble started. Early Sunday, NPR's Nina Totenberg, in making a point about the federal budget, asked her fellow pane...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Cookie Monsta
Angry Young Men, ltd
11:03 AM on 12/30/2010
Tis the season for being offensively defensive about one of many holidays that occur around the winter solstice. I do not understand the rampant hatred for Political Correctness. Back in the 19th century, we called this practice simply common courtesy. It seems that it's detractors find to too cumbersome to remember that their customs are not universal. Rather than being mindful of the strangers among us, which modernity brings closer and more frequently than at any time in history, it is easier to be brashly oblivious. If anyone suggests that one is not being considerate of others, one can simply decry the odiousness of Political Correctness.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
BigBagel
10:44 AM on 12/24/2010
This silly woman, Nina Totenberg, gives life to the right wings stereotypes with her political correctness gone mad. If the people who gave and attended the party called it a Christmas party then that's what it was. Pathetic.
08:44 AM on 12/24/2010
I'm not offended if someone wishes me a Happy Holidays. To me Happy Holidays is a catch all for Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. No big deal.

What I get a kick out of is when someone is offended if I write "Merry X-mas". I was informed that I was X-ing out Jesus.

Frankly I'm sick and tired of all this politically correct garbage. My kids say the pledge of allegiance at PUBLIC school (complete with the word God), write Santa letters, and sing Christmas songs at their assemblies. No big deal. Sadly, it's just a matter of time before some parent gets all irate and ruins it for the kids. When is it going to stop?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
luvs2eat
What fresh hell is this?
04:08 PM on 12/24/2010
Check this out to tell your intelligent friends about:

Xmas
This abbreviation for Christmas is of Greek origin. The word for Christ in Greek is Xristos. During the 16th century, Europeans began using the first initial of Christ's name, "X" in place of the word Christ in Christmas as a shorthand form of the word. Although the early Christians understood that X stood for Christ's name, later Christians who did not understand the Greek language mistook "Xmas" as a sign of disrespect.

http://wilstar.com/xmas/xmassymb.htm
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Cookie Monsta
Angry Young Men, ltd
10:53 AM on 12/30/2010
Also, the X is symbolic of the cross.
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littlepuffycloud
I propose a toast to my self control...
06:09 PM on 12/23/2010
I always buy 2 boxes of Christmas cards..I pick a Nativity scene with a beautiful golden light shining down from the ridiculously bright star above.. The sentiment is usually along the liens of 'The reason for the season.' Every year. I'm just drawn to that scene. The 2nd box is more of a Happy Holidays..some years snowmen, owls, bears, skinny santas riding bicycles in Manhattan or a sparkly glittery holiday decoration extravaganza. The card I send each person depends on how they feel about Christmas. Is that being politically correct or simply intuned to my friends' and family's feelings?
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
blackfriday1978
09:12 AM on 12/24/2010
Hey buddy, merry christmas!! :)
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littlepuffycloud
I propose a toast to my self control...
11:03 AM on 12/24/2010
Season's greeting you adorable and Heavenly creature, you!
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Weirdwriter
03:44 PM on 12/24/2010
I would think it would just be thoughtfulness and courtesy, not "political correctness," to be considerate of our friends. Fanned and Fav'd.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
luvs2eat
What fresh hell is this?
05:28 PM on 12/23/2010
I've had several acquaintences post diatribes on Facebook about "non-Christmas" people changing THEIR songs to make them more politically correct. They say they don't care what you celebrate... THEY celebrate Christmas and will say, "Merry Christmas," and not, "Happy Holidays."

I responded to them saying that if someone says, "Merry Christmas" to me, I respond in kind but when someone says, "Happy Holidays," iIt makes me think that that person has given some thought to the idea that not everyone they encounter celebrates Christmas and they're simply trying to be inclusive of everyone with their seasonal greetings.

These are the same people who post garbage about the downfall of education and our country when they took god out of schools. That's when I lose it and tell them how I REALLY feel.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Caru
Politics is fun to watch.
01:22 PM on 12/23/2010
Perhaps they were responding to the, "Forgive the expression", remark, which implied that what she said was offensive?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lrobb
Gold Standard = four paws and a tail
09:09 AM on 12/23/2010
Merry Christmas from a conservative Atheist!

I hang an American flag out on Presidents' Day to celebrate the good men--certainly not deities--who formed our nation. I put out the creche on Christmas to celebrate the birth of a good man--also quite human--who transformed the way the world thinks mostly for the better.

I put up a Christmas tree and several statues of Father Christmas because, being Irish, that happens to be my personal heritage. Besides, I really, really like the presents.

My Jewish friends greet me with "Happy Hanukka!" I greet them with "Merry Christmas!" No one gets upset.

Where on earth does NPR find these people?
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ez duz it
οὐκ ἔστιν θεός
12:03 AM on 12/23/2010
Has anyone been noticing how NPR has been decidedly "right" on the political spectrum, lately?

They felt free to cover Glenn Beck's "Rally to Restore Honor and Faith" in August.

However, NPR's CEO threatened reporters with dismissal merely for attending the Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert "Rally to Restore Sanity".

Now, NPR's Nina T is feigning an apology for saying she attended a christmas party?

I've stopped giving to NPR.
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10:22 PM on 12/22/2010
Who cares what anyone says as long as it is warm, friendly and well-wishing? As an atheist, you can wish me Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hannukah, Ramadan Mubarak! or any variant of "Drinkies are on me!" - and I feel not one whit slighted.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lrobb
Gold Standard = four paws and a tail
09:11 AM on 12/23/2010
Fanned for common sense.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Jdaddy1951
10:14 PM on 12/22/2010
My first wife was Jewish. My second wife was Wiccan. My third spouse --- a man --- was Episcopalian. The December holidays have been "Season's Greetings" at my house for a long time. Most people don't get too shook up over however the heck you say "Happy Holidays," I've found. And I figure people that do grumble about "Merry Christmas" or the lack of it, don't really understand what the season is about anyway. They just like to grumble.
thebigbike
ran away to be a cowboy
08:58 PM on 12/22/2010
When someboday says "Merry Christmas" to me an atheist (though they probably don't know that) I just say "and you too!" brightly and cheerfully. If I find out that a major retail chain store has as its policy that its employees MUST say "merry Christmas" instead of "I hope your holidays are good" or some such, frankly religiously neutral wish, I will carefully consider whether I want to keep doing business with that company. If it's a small locally owned business and their poiltics in other areas don't conflict with mine too badly, I'll stay a customer - all other things being equal.

The christianist hypersensitivity seems to reflect just the tiniest diminution in their hitherto outrageously ( and unconstitutionally) privileged legal status. and hypersensitivity to the slight diminution in their hitherto unchallenged cultural hegemony. Oh well, pull your big boy and big girls panties up and start acting like you believe what you preach.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
lrobb
Gold Standard = four paws and a tail
09:17 AM on 12/23/2010
I am also an Atheist. The day is called "Christmas" not "Holiday"--which is short for Holy Day. Christmas is a tradition celebrated by the vast majority of Americans, and it does not get my knickers in a knot to be a part of that tradition, being an American and all.

If you personally don't care for the idea of "Christmas," by all means keep greeting others with to "Happy Holidays" Just don't get upset when you get a "Merry Christmas" in return.
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JohnFromCensornati
Free your mind and your ass will follow.
08:46 PM on 12/22/2010
"All of which led me to rethink whether this "Merry Christmas" talk is much ado about nothing. On second thought, I don't think it is: There's now an implicit meaning to the phrase that's chilling"

It does have an "or else" feel to it these days, doesn't it? But then again, it is war.