Poll: 37% of Americans Unable to Locate America on Map of America

Editor's note: This post is a satire.

Washington, D.C. -- According to a Gallup/Harris poll released Monday, a full 37 percent of American citizens are incapable of identifying their home country on a map of the United States.

Of the 1,400 residents surveyed, the most common incorrect responses placed the more than 230-year-old territory in the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans (19 percent), the space where Mexico would appear were it in fact included on the map (10 percent), and inside the word "America" written just above the northernmost states (6 percent).

"On the whole, these figures should be construed as somewhat disappointing," Gallup spokesman Keith Ventner said. "Especially the two percent that believed the United States was located on the map's color-coded inset legend. I think we as a nation likely could have done without seeing that."

When asked to reveal the identity of the giant America-shaped landmass found on the map, several of those polled were decidedly varied in their answers.

"That thing definitely looked familiar," said autoworker and father of three Ed McConnell. "And my gut told me there were probably a whole bunch of Americans there. So I had to go with 'Iraq.'"

Other guesses as to the nature of the mystery country included "Hollywood," "Palestine," "The Shire," and "Club Med Punta Cana."

The map used in the poll, with erroneous America locations in red

Stuart Weiss, senior sociology professor at Boston College, said although these findings may be surprising to some, they're by no means atypical.

"The sentiment of many Americans is that there's little intrinsic value in studying a map of a place you're already at," noted Weiss. "It'd be like driving to Graceland and then asking for directions once you've arrived. Not much point."

Shirley Matheson, a part-time Arby's employee residing in Dayton, Ohio, agreed with Weiss's assessment. "I live in the U.S.A., so why would I need to know where America is? Or the United States for that matter?"

Added Matheson: "As long as there's still room on that map for all three of those countries, I'm sure everyone will keep getting along just fine."

Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security sees the Gallup/Harris poll results as a blessing in disguise. According to Secretary Michael Chertoff, the nation would be better off if these numbers skewed even higher.

"Personally, I believe if fewer people in this world could spot America on a map, we'd have a much better chance of avoiding national tragedies like 9/11," said Chertoff. "You can't attack a country you can't find."

Of the respondents actually capable of pinpointing America on the map of America, their accuracy decreased considerably with each additional query about the country. Asked for the name of the U.S. capital, those polled placed Washington, D.C., fifth behind "Minneapolis-St. Paul," "Mount Rushmore," "America City," and "Whitewater."

Despite Americans' seemingly underdeveloped sense of their own geography, history and domestic policy, they did score high points on the issue of patriotism, calling America "the greatest country in the world" (47 percent), "the best state of all the Unites States" (31 percent), and "a place to definitely explore when I finally get my passport" (22 percent).

Steven Shehori is an award-winning comedy writer. And Canadian. He claims he can find America on a map.

Comments

[bonaventura]

Sara Palin thought Africa was a country and everyone laughed. Even the author of this article seems to think "America" is another country and therefore would probably be unable to find the continent in a map of the United States. By the way, people from the Caribbean, Central America, South America and the rest of North America are as American as French and English are European. Just to clarify Sara and the readers, Europe is not a country neither.

[metacontrarian]

sounds about right.

[Deaninphilly]

"a full 37 percent of American citizens are incapable of identifying their home country on a map of the United States"

How does one identify their home country on a map of the United States? Wouldn't they already be looking at a map of the United States?

I guess those making all the comments of the stupidity of others didn't notice the first line of the article nor did they see the editors note that the article is satire.

[darter22]

Reminds me of the old Cheech and Chong skit. "OK Bob, for the grand prize, what is your name?"

[KathyinCT]

And we wonder how Bush got elected -- TWICE??

Jefferson was right. Voting should not be a universal right.

[Motik70]

People can laugh all they want, but this is not funny. It won't be funny when future generations of poorly educated Americans are forced to go and fight and die in some strange land.

The powers that be have a vested interest in keeping the average American uneducated and uninformed. Dumb hicks make good soldiers. That's why the military recruit heavily in rural and poor urban areas.

[Myshkin57]

THERE WAS NO REAL SURVEY! READ THE TOP OF THE ARTICLE!!!!

[KP120BPM]

Laughable, maybe, if it weren't yet another piece of Edward R. Murrow's 'wires and flashing lights whose only purpose is to entertain, amuse, and insulate."

[tealeafbear]

What percent of these are from rural areas where all they hear on the radio is Rush, country music, and Jesus radio? What percent by party?

More and more, I'm coming to believe that if we need to take basic competancy exams before being allowed to drive a car or being accepted to a college, we should be required to do so before being allowed to VOTE for our leaders.

Otherwise we end up with...well, look at the last 8 years, and some of the completely unqualified morons in Congress - it's scary!

[MsAttitude]

It's satire! Read it and laugh. It's even more scary that you think it's a real article!!

[trpatri]

Of course it is a joke. But just wait, I'm sure Rush will used in his radio show tomorrow and quote the article as fact.

[willact723]

Are y'all serious????

THIS ISN'T A REAL POLL.

New poll just in:

"75% of readers actually read the WHOLE article and STILL think it's real."

MUCH worse than the fake poll in this article.

[davidwayneosedach]

They need to do a poll of how many states in ( The United States) people could fill in. That would be a real eye opener.

[scottowego]

I know I can't correctly locate all the states. NY, NJ, PA,, ME Alaska & California and Texas I can find. All the others just give me a headache!

[EricWI]

Even Shehori and Gallup/Harris show their ignorance. Geographically - and as reported here that was the context of the question asked - America extends from Tierra del Fuego to Canada/Alaska.

Gallup/Harris appeared to have inappropriately used the shorthand "America" when the correct geography question would have been about the location of the "United States of America". And even then, as others have pointed out, they got that wrong by leaving out Alaska and Hawaii. (I'll let others argue if Puerto Rico, Guam, etc, should be included)

When even the poll takers and the columnists who base their wit and critiques on such polls don't know where "America" or the "United States of America" really is, we are truly in trouble.

[pteris]

The Gallup Poll genius who wrote this poll question should be taken behind the wood shed for a refresher course in psychometrics. It is a terrible question and this probably accounts for at least part of the 37% of "erroneous? answers. First asking people to make a choice when there is only one item to choose from is a confusing situation. US citizens are used to multiple choice exams and think in terms of which of the following is America? On a map of the the western hemisphere for example, where "America" was but one of the countries shown, they might have done better. Furthermore, asking people about America is confusing when all the countries in this hemisphere have a claim on that term. Asking people to point out the United States of America would have been a less confusing question. Finally, placing their mark beside the image or in the caption might well have indicated the respondent was trying to indicate the whole thing, i.e. not an error after all.

[Mark701]

"Shirley Matheson, a part-time Arby's employee residing in Dayton, Ohio, agreed with Weiss's assessment. "I live in the U.S.A., so why would I need to know where America is? Or the United States for that matter?"

Yes, she'll be working at Arby's for the rest of her life.

[MsAttitude]

She's a Democrat.

[matthewhusseinsmith]

Many of these folks voted in 2000, 2004 and 2008, and for whom?

[Myshkin57]

Nobody, since they're fictional. It's a joke.