01/01/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Das Krapital

Like our president-elect who proclaimed himself as much, America is a mutt; indeed is comprised of mutts. It's a mélange of diverse elements, a piece from this culture and a sliver from that heritage. Instead of just the rhetorical flourish delivered by a smarmy pol at a patriotic pep rally it actually is A Gorgeous Mosaic.

Now, I don't pretend ever be able to understand Capitalism or Socialism or Pop Teenage Vampirism enough to converse about it with any pimply poly-sci major who "attends" an online community college (well, I do pretend, which allows me to sidestep needless study and avoid all possible profundity) but isn't it apparent that whatever Karl "Birth" Marx warned about in his infamous manifesto has come to pass? That is not to say Socialism in a purer application would necessarily succeed any better than Capitalism but it seems to this dimwit that success in these kinds of things requires versatility, wisdom, humility and a fleetness of foot---all the attributes which have been glaringly absent from the nation-scuttling BushCo approach to governance. What causes the decay of a sociopolitical philosophy is a boneheaded desire on the part of extremists who strive to push their impossibly thoroughbred ideology through at any cost, an approach which necessitates failure.

Nothing, even our president-elect himself, is all black or white; America is a composite of subtler shades, a much more intricate and fuller spectrum than this country has up until recently portrayed itself as being. And as there are cures to be found in nature for any of their corresponding ailments so there are solutions to be found within the breadth of the world's diversity of ideas for America's seriously ailing economy: a piece from this culture and a sliver from that heritage, pieces and slivers previously discarded by the capitalisto-fascist zealots whose greed has been so recently on display. Their ruinous approach is the one that infiltrates religion, pits classes and races against each other and otherwise rots any idyllic theory of social democracy.

Rather than continuously demonizing rival economic ideologies and pitting them against each other, better to adapt the most symbiotic elements from each, creating a mutt-tation of a socioeconomic theory, one which more accurately reflects the multiplicity of thoughts, designs and hopes of the people who would actually be served by such a system.

For next week's class, please write a seven hundred billion word essay on why Black Friday Trampling will become the next "moshing." Dismissed.