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Steven Weber

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One Bad Apple or: WRONG, Donny Osmond!

Posted: 11/11/11 11:21 AM ET

As the great Donny Osmond once crooned, "One bad apple don't spoil the whole buncha girls!"

And while that may have been true as far as squealing, Mary Jane-wearing pre-teens were concerned when so informed by the leader of the popular Mormon quintet (later to become a popular Mormon sextet with the terminally toothy Jimmy and still later a saliva-spritzing septet with the addition of comely Marie and somehow I've wandered far, far away from whatever the hell I was saying. Wait. Ah. Oh yes.), the adage does not apply when crooning about Things Sociopolitical. I would in fact take issue with Donny. All it takes to spoil the whole buncha girls these days is one bad apple. Or a concerted effort by a cabal of bad apples who have decided that bad appling is easier and more efficient if the goal is to use an oft repeated misconception ("..one bad apple...") to indeed spoil the whole damn barrel. Or buncha girls. Jesus, I'm tired. Let me try this from another apple. Angle.

"People have lost faith in Obama".

That's a whole buncha confused girls talking. What people have really lost faith in is any normally rational approach to governance, not the president himself. They've lost faith in a process that's been hijacked by greedy opportunists who see democracy as an unfettered capitalism delivery system, gaming it until they themselves come up the winners and the rest of us who believe in the tenets of a democratic society end up losers.

Oh sure, Obama's not the Liberal Bodhisattva we all envisioned when we voted for him, our heads swimming in the honeyed delusion that one person would remake the grotesquely corrupted government he inherited from his pea-brained predecessor. But you try to govern when the very folks who are supposed to follow rules of a democracy do everything they can to prevent you from governing in any way any whatsoever! Go ahead! Why, I bet you'd say "Go away, little girl!" And nowhere near as soulfully as young Donny did. Does. Did. I'm chewing bubble gum and playing with Colorforms®!

"Congress sucks!"

Why yes it certainly does, if you accept that congress's inability to do much of anything is really NOT attributable to the actions of a coordinated effort on the part of a right-wing corporate money-sucking faction bent on crippling the institution, the presidency and the nation.

But there's where your ignorance would be in full bloom for all to see, its veins pulsing erratically, its skintags moist and glinting in the sun. Because you'd be wrong. Not all of congress gets its nutrition from licking the nutsacks of corporate overlords squatting overhead. To name a few "good apples": Democrats Henry "Hank Swank" Waxman, Diana DeGette, Rush Holt, Carolyn McCarthy, Ed Markey, Al Franken, Barney Frank. They do good work. Look 'em up yourself. I'm thumbing through Tiger Beat.

And then there's Republicans like Rep. Jeff Fortenberry of Nebraska, Rep. Steven LaTourette of Ohio and others who have refused to sign (or at least re-up) the eyeroll-inducing Norquist no-tax pledge and who seem to possess at least a semblance of respect for our democratic institutions, however ineluctably corrupted they may have become by corporate money and influence. And there are still more who reject their party's embrace of the foul fringes of paranoid ideologies but who, for reasons of job security, keep silent. Unlike the Osmond Brothers and their courageous and controversial stands against the Vietnam War and Japanese whaling. Wait. No. No, that's right.

"Liberals Run the Media"

Oy (which is "Yo!" backwards. Think on that!). First, I won't even go into the whole Liberal-run media crapola because it's been endlessly and more articulately debunked. But it's still fun to dredge up, like finding out your grandfather was a king kleagle in the klan---and he was a rabbi!

I contend (oh yes I do) that the country's political, cultural and even spiritual tastes are not what the ubiquitous media tells us they are, but rather what the media needs them to be---in order to, of course, profit. The few schmucks who make the most noise get the most coverage. Herman Cain? Kim Kardashian? Personhood? Puh-leeeze. While these types suck up the cultural oxygen like asthmatic Roombas on crystal meth, the rest of the serious participants in this funny little thing we call America are ignored. The media has thrown all its weight behind the maxim that conflict and drama make for an interesting product and have applied it across the board---that board being the unholy alliance of politics, information and entertainment. All three areas are positively rife with contrived conflict and melodrama. But that's how business (i.e., America) is conducted.

Things were done a little differently in the olden days, when politicians, power-mad though they might have been, still hewed to tradition. And it inspired real admiration and respect on the part of the American citizen. Heck, it even inspired love. Puppy love, as you-know-who might say.

The media (and by extension its corporate sponsors) rely on conflict and division to keep the consumers (née citizens) too "het up" to think, further confusing and distracting them by throwing in thick dollops of titillation to create a malleable, corralled audience of glassy-eyed, froth-mouthed shoppers. Like me on Black Friday.

In other words tits, cool electronic sparkly things and explosions fill cash registers and pockets. Enlightenment, gentility, humility, wisdom, thrift---too difficult. Too old fashioned. Fuck it. Blecch. Let the lion's share of attention go to talent shows, advertisements and the closely covered hijinks of low-brows who blow athletes, get rich, get married, get divorced and cash in. Something Donny Osmond has never and WILL never do. If he did, he'd be "...just a lonely boy."

Not sure where my Donny Osmond fixation is coming from or leading me, really. I was always a big fan of The Who or The Ramones or Johnny Cash (I just know he's giving me the finger in the famous Jim Marshall photo). Whatever the reason, it has led me to the point I have been laboring to make for the past several paragraphs or so and that is that one bad apple DOES spoil the whole buncha girls. I don't care what they say! I don't care what you've heard!

I'd like to seek help from a specialist. But I hear they're all quacks.

 

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03:30 PM on 11/23/2011
Do people forget that Barney Frank was a big part of the Fannie May/Freddie Mac housing debacle?
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FirstGame72
The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters
08:07 AM on 11/15/2011
1) Of course the original lyric is "One bad aplle don't spoil the whole bunch girl" with no "s" at the end. Also, I'm not sure "crooned" is the best word to use to describe Mr. Osmonds singing that line. The song is an up tempo number, not a ballad.
2) Many people have lost faith in Pres Obama because he has appeased the GOP pols who are not loyal Americans once too often at the expense of those hurting American citizens who actually voted for him looking for help.
3) There are a fair amount of Democrats in congress who actually do care about the 99% of citizens who aren't filthy rich. But what can they do against their fellow Dems and all Republicans in congress?
4) Liberals running the media is a sick bit of propaganda designed to control the masses. And "just like a yo-yo, yeah just like a yo-yo" when it comes to falling for propaganda the masses are more than happy to "play along."
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:21 AM on 11/15/2011
Well, I tried twice to post, Steven. Neither post was unworthy, and the second one was quite benign. No point in posting if one cannot say what one wants.

Great article, and don't sweat the lyrics mishap. It didn't detract from what you had to say whatsoever. Only wish I could add to you excellent points, but...
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
moderatorJanRyan
Senior Moderator
07:26 AM on 11/15/2011
...Smartest-I have approved the post to which you refer. The automated "filter" system snagged it for a "bad" word. "Glenda" (yes, I get it). Nothing wrong with your post. I apologize on behalf of the software:):)
Best
Jan
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:41 AM on 11/15/2011
Thank you so much, Jan. I know you folks are busy, and I appreciate the time taken to explain the glitch. Much appreciated.
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:29 AM on 11/15/2011
Ah, my original post has shown up below. Thank you, Huffpo monitor.
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:04 AM on 11/15/2011
Excellent points and hilarious as always, Steven!

Amazing what one person can do, for both good and bad in this world of 7 billion people. Take health care reform: After nearly a year of vomit-inducing Congressional sausage making, the Senate was ready to vote on lowering the age for Medicare to 55. A move that surely would have put universal care on the fast tract if enacted.

It all hinged on one Senator's vote. A Senator, by the way, who had previously campaigned in favor of the idea at least twice. One man could help change history, and bring a very good thing to the people of this nation. One good cure for what ails us, or one bad apple to spoil a whole bunch of good legislation.

Well, we all now know that Joe Lieberman decided to go against his former convictions, against his nation's desperate need from a fiscal perspective, against history and against millions of his fellow citizens in their time of pain.

"Are you a good apple, or are you a bad apple?" asked Glenda the good apple. Oops, wrong story.

So as I watch the parade of corporate stooges, union-busters, bigots and torture advocates fill my media devices, I have a good mind to take my basket of apples away from the harming effects of this small crop of bad fruit, and go home. Sadly, I'm already home. Time for us good apples, to run the bad ones outta the orchard.
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Milash
It says I should edit my micro-bio, so I did.
10:33 PM on 11/14/2011
I don't care that this has nothing to do with Donny Osmond, it still rocks.
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:05 AM on 11/15/2011
Yes it does! Steven always rocks!
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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Milash
It says I should edit my micro-bio, so I did.
11:43 AM on 11/15/2011
Co-signed!
01:19 PM on 11/12/2011
This has got to be one of the most idiotic postings EVER!
I am a big fan of the Osmonds but --- A political commentary article using references to songs sung by the Osmonds in the 1970's?!
I think "Come Fly With Me" is more like it.

Oh, BTW - the writer of this article CAN'T even get the lyrics correct that he is using for this stupid commentary either.

The lyric is NOT "a whole buncha girls".
The lyric to this song is: "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl!"

Donny Osmond was singing TO the girl that HE isn't a bad apple like the guy she was with before she met him.

Can't take the time to research a simple song lyric when you are using it for the main reference point?
Here, let me help you - http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=9173
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:36 AM on 11/15/2011
"Oh Carol" - Chuck Berry

This post of Steven's is actually quite excellent. You need to lighten up a bit. I always find a nice juicy apple, can have a very calming affect on me. I prefer the Galas myself, but a Granny Smith will do in a pinch.
pharmmajor
proud Libertarian.
08:14 PM on 11/11/2011
Is it wrong to say this: Obama is the same as Bush.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Steven Weber
Winner of 1967 Pond's Cold Cream Man of the Year
09:14 PM on 11/11/2011
It's not wrong to say it. It's the conclusion that's incorrect. Next?
pharmmajor
proud Libertarian.
12:11 AM on 11/12/2011
Obama has continued Bush's policies of unnecessary military action, poor economics, and programs that violate our civil liberties.
09:50 PM on 11/11/2011
The first Bush or Bush 2 - The Revenge?
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triplettam
Mind Bender
02:38 PM on 11/11/2011
Perhaps a more befitting Osmonds song (should blow your mind):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcXiZ2LI-AQ

We all suffer from collective AADD these days. 30 seconds is our limit. I suffered from it since I was a child before all of this media that distracts us. Now . . . what was I saying?

Great post friend. I hope we can all get our concentration back next year so that we see the clear choices for the future of our country and don't get distracted by the inanity of sound bytes.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Denis Higgins
02:45 AM on 11/12/2011
"Oh...the inanity!"
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Anna Nicole Dahmer
Lie like that & you won't go to heaven
07:40 PM on 11/14/2011
i'm having fun on a sailboat,
and i have a hot rocking body,
so i don't really care about much else.
lol
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The Smartest Monkees
Planet of the Apes? We're on it, baby!
07:23 AM on 11/15/2011
Rock on, Anna! Watch out for those sharks out there on the high seas! :-)
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Denis Higgins
07:28 AM on 11/15/2011
Yes, Anna...but are your sea-legs leaning towards the port...or starboard side of the vessel? ;)
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
PizzaGuy1
Konnichiwa. Hajimemashite. Karasu desu.
02:32 PM on 11/11/2011
In a word: Spoton
12:36 PM on 11/11/2011
Not that it matters much, but I think the lyric was actually that one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch, girl -- as if the song were addressing a generic girl and asking her not to give up on love based on a prior bad experience with a "bad apple" -- or in other words, having had her heart broken in the past, etc. I think I recall the song correctly, having been an avid fan of the Osmonds back in the day.....
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Steven Weber
Winner of 1967 Pond's Cold Cream Man of the Year
01:03 PM on 11/11/2011
To paraphrase Rick Perry: "Oops!"
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Anna Nicole Dahmer
Lie like that & you won't go to heaven
02:10 PM on 11/11/2011
you go girl.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SirReal1
02:15 PM on 11/11/2011
Steven,

Perhaps you should consider purchasing a Volkswagen.
09:44 PM on 11/11/2011
Not being such an avid fan . . . I too remember the words correctly.

"The girl with kaleidoscope eyes" not "The girl with colitis goes by" is another story . . . but I digress.
Konnie
PO'd PROGRESSIVE
12:07 PM on 11/11/2011
oh my wordsmithie...............i get the point. the problem my beloved is "solutions" to de-spoiling the bunchas. got any?
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laddieluv
Dogs are angels with paws.
11:52 AM on 11/11/2011
"Nailed it," Steven.

sigh.