Alright, you know each other. Now here are the rules:
No hitting below the belt. The reason for this is that you will neither be happy nor particularly disposed toward being at all communicative on any level, let alone a civil one. And let's not mention the severely diminished desire for any future romantic encounters. After a devastatingly effective blow to the yarbles, the fight, as they say, will be ovuh.
No eye gouging. The eyes (as the inventor of Windex has said repeatedly) are the windows to the soul. So, jabbed fingers, flung muck, and endlessly broadcast salaciousness containing little or no factual information or intellectual nutrition will not be tolerated. Unless, of course, no one has any concept of the consequences of such behavior and decides to place profit above people.
No kidney punching. That is, unless you don't mind paying unscrupulous and unregulated insurance companies ever increasing premiums, paying top dollar for prescription drugs, watch as corporate-controlled politicians whittle away Medicare and Social Security and endure ever decreasing wages and benefits as you yourself get older, less employable and less productive.
Let's go Mano a Mano, even if one combatant only has the standard two manos while the other -- thanks to Supreme Court rulings like the so-called "Citizens United" -- controls hundreds, thousands, millions and billions of coordinated manos all geared toward the elimination of the opposition's single pair of pathetic, empty, dangling, impotent manos! Olé!
Trash talk is allowed, even if one of the combatants only has a standard mouth consisting of a tongue, lips and teeth from which said trash issues in a colorful and imaginative stream of taunts and barbs, while the other wields a monopolistic stranglehold on hundreds of millions of "mouths" from which signals are relentlessly belched through the air and straight into the easily breached brains of all those in possession of really neat electronic devices.
It's every man for himself! (Which isn't strictly what you'd call an enlightened approach to a situation in which entire swaths of population are marginalized for being old, female, sick, of color, in need of an education, etcetera, etcetera. In fact, when you get down to it, that sentiment is a cowardly alternative to helping one's fellow when things get tough out there, which, as history and our own common sense tells us, they are bound to get. Hell, already are!)
And lastly, be brave, fighters! That is, unless you prefer to embrace that hollow specter of an American Dream of possibly becoming wealthy yerself one day, a dream peddled by the very folks who have been hoarding 98% of the nation's dough, and who insist that you, too can share the largesse through prayer, clinging to divisive, retrograde concepts and an unquestioned fealty to corporate manipulation of information, commerce and culture. That's the kind of bravery embodied by the ranks of chicken hawks who seek wars for profit, who purposely sow fear and disorder to make money. Hey, it works! And if that's what you wanna bring to this fight, then that's how it goes.
Now, come out swinging and may the best man win. And I'm getting the fuck outta here.