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Stu Kreisman

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Uncle Stu's Hygiene Tip O' The Day

Posted: 04/16/09 04:53 PM ET

Use under-arm deodorant!

I'm talking to the guy who was sitting next to me last night during the Bruce Springsteen concert at the LA Sports Arena. Loge, section 16, row 3, seat 5. Yes, I'm talking to you, the guy with the ponytail and the vintage Springsteen T-shirt. Every time you raised your hands in applause or to punctuate a song, the entire section covered their faces and gagged. It smelled like a dead skunk. I'm not exaggerating here. Let me say that again. Your armpits smell like a dead skunk.

I'm speaking for everyone in the section to your left. We all smelled it. It was impossible not to. My girlfriend had to leave her seat to get a breath of fresh air. You did more destruction to the ozone last night than a month of rush hours on the 405. Your exuberant "Whoooahs" in "Born To Run" made us all gag. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself during "Racing In The Streets" as you mimicked someone on a motorcycle. Trouble is, in order to do a motorcycle correctly you have to extend your arms, which you did during the entire song. And of course, this was the night when Bruce decided to play "Raise Your Hand" for the first time on the tour. I think I even saw Max glance over to our section as the odor wafted past his drum kit during that song.

You see, there's no stigma in using deodorant. You can buy a stick or a gel at any drugstore, Seven Eleven or... anyplace! Everybody uses deodorant! The industry is recession proof. It only takes about ten seconds to apply and lasts all day.

So please Mr. Rock and Roll Cliché, do something about that smell. A traumatized nation awaits your purchase.

Stu Kreisman is the author of Dick Cheney's Diary available here, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble.