Remember the first time you told your mom that you were pregnant?
Remember how excited she was? And how very happy? And a little incredulous that her little baby was actually having a baby of her own?
Or maybe, she was just secretly rejoicing the fact that there is justice in this world, after all and it was time for you to face the music now. Hah!
Either way, it turns out, she forgot to warn you about a few things about becoming a mom.
Sorry, it ain't all rainbows and unicorn, peaches.
So, here I am. To break it down to you. Be warned: it's not for the faint of heart...
1. You'll NEVER be able to sleep through the night again. EVER.
First, you have to feed them. And change them. And potty train them.
And then, they have bad dreams. And they fall sick.
Finally, finally they're a little older and you pat yourself on the back that you made it. Which is exactly the time they pick to tell you about this friend they met on the Internet!
Bye-bye, sleep!
Next, they push the boundaries of their curfew and come back home very, very late.
And finally, they are all grown up and out on their own in the big bad world full of crazies and loonies.
If you thought catching any sleep with them under your roof was tough, try catching some sleep when they aren't!
2. You'll NEVER be able to enjoy a piece of cake again. EVER.
Remember, the good old times when you could eat a piece of cake and enjoy it too? Well, I hope you had enough cake then, because your days of enjoying cake are o.v.e.r.
Now every time you eat the chocolate cake, it reminds you of the jiggling, lumpy, shapeless, stretchy thing on your middle (and behind, and pretty much everywhere else) that you have been pretending you haven't noticed.
Chocolate cake -- or for that matter ice cream, fries, bacon and anything else you loved -- will, sadly, never be the same again.
3. You'll HAVE TO do algebra and trigonometry again.
If you are one of those geeky, nerdy ones that enjoyed math in school, good for you. You get to do it all over again, yaay! (Can I send my kid to you at homework time too, pretty please?)
For the rest of us who celebrated graduating from high school/college by taking the solemn oath to never open a math book again, the sad news is, we get to do a refresher. All. Over. Again.
I mean, when your kid comes to you and asks for a little help with her math homework you can't possibly say "Sorry sweetie, I've paid my dues. Now it's your turn. Deal with it." Can you? No, seriously, can you?
4. You'll HAVE TO attend a party almost every other weekend.
Wait, before you let out a sigh and exclaim "Thank goodness there is a silver lining to this dark cloud." I should clarify -- these aren't the wild parties of your yonder years.
I'm talking here about the i'm-bored-out-of-my-skull-and-will-pay-to-get-out-this kind of kid's birthday parties that the well-intentioned parents throw for their kids.
And since all those kids came to your kid's oh-so-cute-but-cost-a-fortune party, you better show up to theirs and be a jolly good sport about it.
What goes around, comes around.
5. You'll NEVER be able to hold a long enough conversation that does not involve your kids again.
Let's face it. Having kids changes your life. You are now a mom. And once a mom, forever a mom.
That one word defines you -- both in your own mind and in the mind of those around you.
Whether you want it or not, any social gathering that you go to, someone wants to know how your kids are doing. And no matter how much you promised yourself before you had kids that you will not be that mom who can't stop talking about her kids, you just can't stop sharing the adorable (or gory) stuff that your kids do.
So, there you have it. The 5 scary things about being a mom.
And by the way, these are just 5 of probably hundreds more. Like being puked, peed and pooped on; or the joys of traveling in a cramped airplane with bored kids; or the weekends spent running from soccer practice to swimming and then from piano classes to the aforementioned birthday party...
I could go on, but that is not the point.
The point is, what will you do about it?
There are millions of moms out there. All of us facing similar set of issues.
Some focus on these difficult parts of motherhood and get cranky, drained and sore.
Others? They do just fine. They're even preppy, and cheerful. And dare I say, happy!
After the initial shock of the realization wears off, these moms take things in their stride and start to focus on the joys of motherhood. Joys that range from short, fleeting moments; to deep, visceral emotions that rock you at your core like you never thought possible.
And they revel in the myriad other feelings, some of which you had long forgotten and some you never even knew existed -- hope, wonder, curiosity, fascination, humility, confidence, a renewed sense of faith, the different shades of love, a feeling of calm and peace, a place where you'll always belong, a place where you're always needed, a purpose for your life...
The question then is which kind of a mom will you be?
It is NOT something that just happens.
It is NOT a given.
It is a choice. Your choice.
Whether you intentionally choose or not.
So, what's it going to be?