04/26/2007 06:14 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Rosie Must Lose Weight

I have a hypothesis. It always checks out. The less attractive the actor or public figure, the brighter or more talented they must be.

Or-- the smartest public figures are the homeliest.

Thus Rosie O'Donnell.

Spellbinding. Bright. Fun.

Rosie herself has said on "The View" (and I quote loosely) that she took a look at an overweight friend and told herself, "I better drop forty pounds."

Rosie's right, as usual.

If Rosie became a tad more telegenic, she could say anything on tv.