"Because Pet Parents Are Moms Too!"
I hate to be a bitch about this -- but hey, female dogs are people too, right? -- but when I read that subject line on an ASPCA email this week, it really gave me hairballs.
I am a pet owner and I am a mom, and frankly, my dear, the two have about as much in common as a goldfish does to Godzilla. Rub my nose in it if you like, but it's about time this whole "Pet Mommy" thing got some serious yanking back.
For years now, it's been accepted usage for pet owners -- invariably child-free pet owners -- to refer to their dogs and cats as their "kids," and to do so without apparent irony. And an estimated $50 billion a year in pet-related goods and services currently fuels this delusion. Doggie daycare. Pet strollers. Halloween costumes. Veterinary insurance.
What? No college fund?
There's even an entire new literary genre riding on the back of our boundary confusion: "dogoir" -- a heartwarming, first person narrative centering on the relationship dynamics between ordinary pet-owners and their spiritually gifted-and-talented woofspring.
Do you feel your ears perking up? Think about it. When's the last time you picked up an inspirational book about child-rearing? Never. Because there is no such thing.
Real parents write bestsellers with titles like Go the F**k to Sleep and The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Real parents write survival guides. Field notes. Training manuals. Not freaking fantasy fiction with fur.
It's become ideologically unsound to say so in public, but you and I both know that pets are stupid. Not just "slow" or "differently intelligent" -- just plain stupid. (When we say a poodle is intelligent, we forget that we are speaking in purely relative terms. Compared to a pincushion, sure.) That's not a moral failing. It's not something we love them in spite of. It's something we love them because of.
These "kids" of ours eat their own vomit, run straight into oncoming traffic and hump the furniture. Hello? Is that a reflection of their intelligence? Even more to the point, is that a reflection on our "parenting"?
I could be wrong, but it seems to me significant that we cannot crate our children. Nor can we expect them to heel, appreciate table scraps or take well to shock-collaring. At the same time, we do not fight for Angry Birds access with our cats. Our dogs waste little time on social media, and can almost always be counted on to say 'no' to drugs. And if they dress provocatively, I think it's fair to say we only have ourselves to blame.
This Mothers Day, let's remember that, as much as we adore our animals -- and full disclosure: I dressed my pug as a monarch butterfly last Halloween, and it was awesome -- they are not our children. To pretend otherwise makes monkeys of all of us.
Follow Susan Maushart on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@maustash
"From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "that's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."....
...If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.
Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.
"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.  Â
I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."
So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile, because they "just don't understand."
The fictitious book titles you wrote of that "real parents" write such as "Go the F**ck to Sleep" (nice sentiment ny the way) cause me to fear for the mental well being of your own human children.
Just because others find happiness in ways you don't understand is no reason to aim your nasty sentiments at the happier individuals of the world.
Some people should be spayed.
unbelievable
The litany of comments from deranged individuals under the unfortunate delusion that their ownership of an animal somehow makes them parents does nothing other than reinforce the author's fine point.
Animals are wonderful, and I don't even care much for people who don't recognize that. But those of us residing on Planet Earth in mind as well as body are aware that they are NOT people, and their caretakers do NOT qualify as parents based on that alone.
Really, those of you who consider your pets to be human are doing a disservice to both yourself and the animal. These creatures need to be treated with respect, something I've ironically discovered that most obsessive pet owners don't do, because they treat the creatures as if they're something they aren't.
This will be like preaching to a wall, but anyone on here who considers themselves a parent by virtue of dog, cat, fish, or any form of pet ownership would be well advised to take a good look at Werner Herzog's documentary "Grizzly Man," perhaps the most powerful rebuttal of anthropomorphic nonsense ever put to screen. Or at least watch a few episodes of "The Dog Whisperer," where the host has the good sense to try and fix bad owners (of which the vast majority of these posters would doubtlessly qualify).
Kudos to Susan Maushart.