The holidays are the most emotionally charged time of the year; 
if you like where you are in life, it's a magical time, but if you don't
 like your life circumstances, holiday time can be quite awful.
To those of you who are divorced or divorcing, this can be an especially
 challenging couple of months.
Here are some suggestions to get through this period a little bit better:
1) Create new rituals for yourself and your children -- trying to re-create
 what you did when you and your spouse were together can be painful and 
leave you feeling empty. Try something new or go somewhere different this year.
2) Don't accept invitations to events that will make you feel bad, lonely,
 or 'less than" -- for example, being the only single person at a party of all couples 
is a great set-up to feel excluded and perhaps even marginalized.
3) Make plans ahead of time but let people know you need to be spontaneous -- this means that if you are 
invited to a party, you want to be able to make your decision to go (or not go)
as close to the event as possible (maybe even an hour before). If you go to an
 event, you need your friends to know that you might need to leave early. Ask
 them to bear with you during this transition.
4) Stay away from the commercialism as much as possible -- Billboards, ads 
in magazines, newspapers and all forms of media love to show ads of the happy 
families during the holidays. It's impossible to stay away from it completely, but
 do your best to avoid seeing and hearing the media's message about this "most 
wonderful time of the year."
5) Be gentle on yourself and remember that life will not always feel this
 raw, sad, scary, depressing or down -- you are going through a tremendous 
transition so your "negative" feelings may be heightened - even if the separation
 or divorce was your choice.
Follow Susan Pease Gadoua on Twitter: www.twitter.com/spgadoua
The best gift we can give ourselves if we're newly divorced is to feel sad when we feel sad, and not try to rush through the emotions. And it's OK to tell our kids that we're feeling bad, and help them go experience their own feelings.
It does, as most long-time divorced people know, eventually get better!
I am not divorced - just separated - and don't have children, so it was an easy choice to separate myself from the things about the holidays that I thought would be depressing this year. The distance from friends, family, and locale, is vast, but it is necessary for now. And now I can create my own new rituals and traditions. Toes in the sand on Christmas? Yes, please! Being away from the commercialism/ consumerism of American Christmas is refreshing as well!
I miss my friends, family, and resort guests with whom I formerly spent the holidays. But they will be in my life forever, only on different terms.
Thanks for the affirmation. I think being gentle on ourselves during difficult times is the key to healing, and am glad you made that very important point as well.
Do anything that gets you outside!!!!!!!
Across the entire North American continent, winter is a super time to go outdoors. If you're in a northern climate, bundle up. Go to an outdoor store and shop the sales, get you some long johns, wool sox, boots, parkas, mittens. Then get some decent field binocs, a bird book, and start watching birds. You'll meet the most interesting, smart, and yeah....even good-looking...people also out there, doing the same thing. And, ladies, birding is a sport still dominated by men, so they are usually ecstatic to see a female out there, mixing it up with them.
If that doesn't appeal to you, take up paddling. Same thing, but more gear, bigger expense.
Or wildlife photography.
The sunlight is there, even on a cloudy day, and sunlight is now scientifically proven to lift one's spirits as well if not better than many prescription medications commonly prescribed for depression.
It will get your heart rate up, and elevating one's heart rate from exercise is also a depression-lifter.
You'll find out that mid-winter is not a "dead" time out in nature; far from it. There are natural things to see and experience that only happen in winter. Learning about them first hand, and appreciating them get you outside of your own world and expand your horizons.
So...what are you waiting for? Don't sit around and mope!!! Get outside!
Just do it!
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get out, make a friend, and share the holidays with them
Essentially don't set yourself up to fail and look for the positive things while keeping your chin up.