Where do therapists learn about divorce? Not in school!
As I was preparing to speak at a National Association of Social Workers California Chapter conference, it occurred to me that nowhere in my education had I ever taken -- or even seen -- a course on divorce offered.
I took classes on death and dying, bereavement, issues impacting children (one of which was divorce), marriage, and relationships, but I had never formally learned about marital dissolution from the adult's perspective.
Curious about it, I asked my class of several dozen counselors if they had ever taken or seen a class on divorce and all shook their heads no.
I went on line to research whether there might be any colleges or universities offering psychology classes on divorce. Other than some brief references to the topic, I could not find any classes devoted solely to this topic.
Given how prevalent (and often devastating) an occurrence divorce is, I am astounded that there is not more education about it offered in psychology or social work programs both undergrad and graduate.
In the three hours I had to talk about the divorce continuum (from contemplation through post-divorce issues) I felt that I barely scratched the surface. There was so much more I could have said and much more I'm sure the students wanted to know and/or discuss.
Law school students have classes specifically about Family Law (which is an entire branch of the law) and Contracts. They learn about the legal contract of marriage, about pre and post nuptial agreements, community property versus equitable distribution, fault and no-fault laws, paternity, palimony, child custody, child support, and on and on.
Financial professionals also receive a good amount of education on divorce matters given that a predictable part of their job will be to assist divorcing clients with tax issues, division of assets and debts, financial planning, and budgeting.
Therapists, on the other hand, receive relatively little schooling on divorce. As one of the NASW conference students astutely noted, "We [therapists] learn either from personal experience or we get on-the-job-training from our clients."
If you are a divorced or divorcing person who has sought therapy, ask your therapist what he or she knows about marital dissolution and where he or she learned about it*. My guess is that most will tell you one or both - their own divorce or other people's divorces. Certainly, therapists can read books about divorce but in terms of in-depth coursework, as far as I can tell, it doesn't exist.
The field of divorce support is expanding. In my eleven years of working with divorcing people, I have seen the number and variety of resources available increase. There are divorce financial specialists, paralegals and divorce coaches.
There are informational workshops and divorce support groups popping up in places. There is even more acceptance of the fact that divorce, as a social phenomenon, that is here to stay.
There are more divorce options for couples now - self-representation, mediation, collaborative and the traditional litigation.
What I believe is still lacking, however, is sufficient formal education for those of us who pick up the emotional, mental and psychological pieces for the divorcing couple, the child(ren) of divorce, or the family that has dissolved.
*I would sincerely like to hear from you with the response to the question of where, how and what did your therapist learn about divorce.
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Thank you for the article and your candor about the therapists obligation to educate themselves around divorce. I often work with therapists and speak to their organizations. I generally find a working knowledge of the therapists role in coping with a divorce but little else in the realm of professional education unless you venture out to groups like the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts or Collaborative Divorce practice groups. Not for lack of interest, just lack of available opportunities I think.
Your average financial professional is also not equipped to help a family dissolve a marriage. Divorce is a small competency for the Certified Financial Planner standards and not a well covered topic in general financial planning education. The tax ramifications involved in divorce are often mis-understood by attorneys and can result in alimony recapture, tax penalties or unfair agreements.
A financial professional who has obtained a CFP, CPA or CFA credential as well as having taken the next step to become an expert in divorce through experience as an expert, by obtaining the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation, or both, will be the best resource for individuals and families navigating the financial decisions of divorce.
Divorce is the single largest financial transaction in most lives. People need to be sure to have the financial guidance necessary to ensure you have all the information necessary to make good decisions, interests are protected and they are prepared to transition into post-divorce life with safety and security.
I agree that some SW programs are not designed to teach clinicians but rather program directors and agency workers. However, there seems to be a common misunderstanding that SW's don't learn clinical skills.
I'd love to hear more about the divorce education you received. Did you have an actual course on the subject? How extensive was the teaching?
My point in this article is not to get into a debate about who is better trained, a SW of MFT, rather to say that we ALL need more education in our graduate programs about one of the greatest transitions most will make in their lives.
...long dream
Of all the options (attorneys/collaborative/mediation/pro se), it's going to depend solely on the particular situation. I would add, however, that the professional's skill levels can enhance or destroy any of the benefits of all these choices.
The "paradigm shift" that practitioners say they exercise is not as much a shift as it is a watering down of truly excellent services (real mediation or true advocacy). I don't believe that taking a couple of elements of this process and mixing with a hint or two of other approaches is anything more than compromising the best of what can be the better choices for most.
In addition, I've seen too many parties where serious power imabalances and intimidation were ignored and the results disastrous. One of the parties in those cases needed an advocate, not a "compromiser." (Compromise is a dirty word to real mediators; we look, instead, for collaboration where no one's compromised true interests and values.)
Also, you're paying full time per hour for an attorney, a mental health professional, and one or two financial experts. The cost is in no way comparable to that of divorce mediation, in truth.
It's interesting in theory, but few who practice it are upfront with the parties about when it's not appropriate, and they should NEVER compare it to mediation or advocacy. It's neither, and it's NOT the best of both worlds; it's the bare minimum.
Eventually, I stopped giving advice as my advice. I'd say, "So and so said we ought to do such and such, but I don't think that's a such good idea." Of course he did exactly what I claimed he ought not to do, succeeded and was very smug about it. Being forced to manipulate my husband proved to me that we didn't have the equal partnership of respect in our marriage that I had hoped for and our marriage dissolved not long after.
When I told this to my shrink he seemed surprised. "But you were learning how to negotiate your marriage so well!" he said.
Yeah, right. A marriage where one partner has to manipulate the other is not a marriage. It's an emotional scam that ought to make a good person feel dirty. How the shrink couldn't see this, I don't know. I was frankly disgusted and never returned to his office.