We all forget. Some of us forget more often than others, and some of us are able to poke fun at our own lapses. Here are some amusing forgetful "senior moments" I have collected.
EDWARD: "For 25 years I've grown a seasonal beard. I stop shaving the day before Thanksgiving, and I raise a respectable beard within a week. It keeps me warm and itchy until Memorial Day, my traditional date for shaving. Last year after six days of not shaving, I applied shaving cream to trim the edges - but I'm so forgetful, I shaved off the entire beard. Which I wanted. Sigh. Start over."
DAN: "Dad and I are going out for a bicycle ride. He is so forgetful that, as we leave the house, he stops, looks back and says, 'Wait, I need my sunglasses.' I point to the glasses on his head. Frantic, he asks me to wait and runs back inside the house. I wait. In five minutes he comes out and says, 'I can't find them. Let's go anyway.' I point again to his glasses on his head. He feels them. 'Oh. Let's get goin', he says. 'What are we waiting for?'"
ANN: "I'm so forgetful that once I dialed my mom on my cell phone, then put the phone on my lap and turned my attention back to the computer. I didn't forget whom I called. I forgot that I made a call at all. Eventually I became aware of a high-pitched squeaking sound on my lap. When I looked down, I saw my phone. Picked it up. Mom!?!"
AMY: "My dad was so forgetful that he would forget where he was when he answered the phone. At home in the evenings, he often answered, 'Parole board.' Eventually my boyfriends stopped calling."
BLANCHE: "I'm so forgetful that once I left the oven on for three weeks. I put two bagels in the oven at 200 degrees, just to warm, before Patrick and I left for a trip to Scandinavia. On the way to the airport, I remembered, but it was too late to turn back. I never told Patrick. When we got home, he raced for the mail, and I ran to the oven. The bagels had nearly disappeared, but the house was still standing."
JOAN: "I have a plastic egg-shaped gizmo that you put in the pot when you boil eggs. Its color changes, like a home pregnancy test, to announce when the eggs have cooked. Last week I put four eggs on to boil and went upstairs. I'm so forgetful that I ignored the eggs until the fragrance of burning plastic reached me. Threw out the pot - there are no eggs left anyway - and the plastic thingie. Kept the kitchen fan on for two days. Can you say, 'Stinky,' boys and girls?"
ALISON: "I prepared a holiday dinner. An hour before the guests were due to arrive, I took a power nap. Then I showered, dressed, put on lipstick. I was still tired, stressed and forgetful: I sprayed my hair with Windex. No time to start over. My hair shone brightly all evening."
TRACI: "When I finished eating breakfast, I was so forgetful that I put the milk in the cupboard and the box of Cheerios in the fridge. When I started making dinner, I was surprised to see cereal in front of the burger meat. I sent my son out to buy more milk. Found the sour milk the following morning."
MARIA: "Miguel and I planned a party for 12. As I was placing the name cards for guests, I discovered that Miguel counted 10 and I counted 10 - but not the same 10. We're so forgetful, we each 'forgot' two. He forgot my two friends he didn't really like, and vice versa. I added a small office table, an unmatched cloth and dishes, and rearranged the table. At dinner, we told the guests what happened, but we don't tell them whom we forgot."
PEGGY: "I'm so forgetful that once I hid my jewelry before a trip. When I came home, it was missing. I installed a whole-house alarm system before eventually finding the jewelry, right where I had hidden it, in my closet. Great hiding place."
FREDDY: "I'm so forgetful that I booked flights on two separate airlines for myself, my wife and my ex-wife to attend our son's January wedding across the country. Two airlines on two dates because of the chance of snow. I canceled my wife's extra flight and mine, but I forgot about my ex's until the bill came in. Then I had to take her to the airline office so she could sign an affidavit that she was herself and that I could have the ticket credited to my account. She also made me buy her lunch."
LINDA: "My husband was meeting two friends in Nashville for a quartet convention. The friends drove our van from Illinois to Tennessee, so we got an extra key so all three men could access the van. When they all returned, we put one of the extra keys in a magnetized metal case and hid it inside the van's front bumper. Months later, I managed to lock myself out of the van, in the rain, at a gas station. A man tried to open the door with a coat hanger and said, 'Too bad you haven't hidden a key somewhere.' Oops. I thanked him, got the key, opened the door and left very quickly."
C'mon, now. Fess up. Send a story about your own forgetful moment to writerphiladelphia.com.