THE BLOG
12/11/2012 02:49 pm ET | Updated Feb 10, 2013

Why I Lie About My Age

In the last few years... ok, ok, in the last few decades, I've lied about my age. Lately, I've taken to the cute or coy or annoying phrase that I think Auntie Mame said, "I'm between 50 and death!"
(If it wasn't Auntie Mame, it should have been.)

When I was a young kid, I asked my mother what was it like to be old. She said something like, she didn't know because she didn't feel old. Then, later when she was old, I was old and didn't ask. (35 was once considered old by me, and 50 was well... dead!)

And now in a new century, I'm divorced and still looking to remarry, hell, even to date, I'd be a fool to give my age. I don't want to date anyone my age! Just as men lie about their height, that's the way it is. Get used to it.

Besides, as Jane Fonda said recently, "You don't have to look your age if you have money." Implicit in that is good plastic surgery. And Jane, who has both, looks damn good! And so do I (look good, that is... my money situation is not like hers.) Actually, Jane and I shared a good doctor once.

Now they keep saying things like 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40 etc., but it's getting tougher because "Little" Stevie Wonder is now 62!!??

Anyway, even though Oprah made such a stink about this topic -- lying about your age -- I continue to do so and will until the day I am 90 and won't give a damn. I think. She has Stedman and zillions of dollars, so her opinion on this topic does not count.

And aside from dating, vanity and looking a lot younger (told you, good doctor) I now have an even more important reason to lie. I just went to a screening the week of my birthday, and as if the birthday wasn't traumatic enough, this film almost killed me! It's the new Dustin Hoffman directed movie, Quartet. It stars some older than I, thank god, elderly, ok, really older thespians, but unlike the charming and fun Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, which was populated with retirees yet still managed energy, vitality and hope... this was death on wheels! I'm not kidding.

According to this film, when you are an old opera singer you go gaga, tremble and lose your voice, mind and sense of direction. The character played by Billy Connolly (who isn't really old) had a stroke that cut off his judgment, so he was also horny and rather rude. Because he is charming, he got away with it, but the others such as Maggie Smith, Tom Courtney, Michael Gambon -- all stars of great talent -- were stuck into this corny and depressing film which only made it even clearer to me that old age can be hell! And then you go to an old home and die. Or worse, you linger and get older and more senile, doddering and otherwise depressing. And they gave out ages like 78 and 82 in this bracket. Baby Boomers beware! It's coming up!

Really!? No! I don't buy into this. Nothing about these characters was hopeful or happy. And they all looked realllllyyyyy old. Makeup, perhaps.

Anyway, I know some will argue, but I don't care. I lie about my age and will continue to do so.
But on a serious note, the demographic for Baby Boomers is under represented in media... and
each time a film doesn't do well, like the Meryl Streep/Tommy Lee Jones one of late, it makes it harder get another one with made with vital, sexy, youngish/old people! I'm trying to sell a hot
comedy about people my age right now! Well, they are the age I say I am!