Motherhood: The Ultimate Training Ground For Enlightenment

I am constantly amazed by the depth of training provided by motherhood for seeking "enlightenment." By that I mean an expansion of consciousness where you transcend your 'self' as an independent entity and experience yourself as part of an existent whole. By analogy it would be like suddenly realizing you are a cell in the human body that creates the body but only by the dependent relationship to other cells. Only the 'body' symbolizes the vast universe or a unified consciousness or what others have called a 'Oneness' or 'universal unity of being'.

I come back to motherhood as a training ground again and again because I think the 'created' experiences to practice letting go of attachments whether they are religious training centers (monasteries, seminaries, nunneries) or reunciate practices (renouncing food, sex, etc.), are never quite as powerful as the experiences that motherhood provides. In the process of letting go, transcendence ultimately arises.

And the practice ground of motherhood never ends.

In our children's infancy and toddlerhood, we learn to let go physically from the symbiotic union that began before birth.

In their childhood, we learn to let go of the role of sole educator to share that teaching experience with a larger group.

In their teenage years, we learn to let go of the role of sole compatriot as peers take our place.

In their young adulthood, we learn to let go of our role as sole advisors as relationships and careers introduce themselves.

Each step of the way, we let go of an attachment of sorts - to our child and our roles - and in that letting go a greater wisdom arises of the repetitive nature of this process through time and the illusion of independence that catches us so often.

As mothers we learn to separate and survive and so too do our children. They walk, grow, and create more seemingly independent of us but increasing dependent upon the world.

The attachment to a child - that clinging type of love - gradually changes to a more universal love, perhaps never completely severed from the former, as the ties of motherhood are strong. But as a child begins to develop their own attachments, they let go of the string to which a mother is bound and form new ties to their own children.

The renunciate seeks this experience by refusing food, sex or other attachments - they inflict it upon themselves to learn to 'let go'. Mothers by their very nature receive this experience without seeking it (fathers may do so as well but I can only speak from a mother's perspective). And compared to the attachment of a mother to a child, all other attachments - food, sex and material possessions - pale in comparison.

Comments

[Highlyirritable]

Enlightenment, Schmenightenment.

While I do agree, and enjoyed your article Dr. Smalley, I would go as far to say that after parenting 10 years (5 of those with an exceptionally, um, ACTIVE boy) I consider myself to be as qualified and skilled at diplomacy as a high level hostage negotiater.

Jeni
http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com

[Healthy Librarian]

Wonderful post! As a mom of grown-up kids and a brand new grandson, I can attest that the "training ground of motherhood never ends."

And speaking of the "enlightenment" analogy, a few years back I asked a wise Zen teacher 's advice for "letting go" when the kids becomes grown-ups.

"I wanted to know how a parent can best advise her kids. Should I give an opinion, or only when asked? What if I think they're making a mistake and my advice would really help? What if I give advice and it's not the best advice for them? And how can you really know what's right for someone else? How do we ever really know what's right for ourselves?"

Here's the advice I got:

"The Best Advice You Can Ever Give Your Grown-Up Kids"

http://www.happyhealthylonglife.com/happy_healthy_long_life/2008/03/the-best-advice.html

[Soren Gordhamer - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Susan. Beautiful post! I think this process is true for fathers too, though the bond a woman has from being pregnant and nursing is I think something quite special.

[Debra Healy]

Thank you, Dr. Smalley. As you point out, the opportunities for letting go abound throughout motherhood. You can fight these opportunities (by avoiding them, ignoring them, attempting to control them, etc.) - which usually results in unnecessary pain and suffering - or, you can fearlessly embrace the opportunities and experience the gifts they produce. The whole thing is pretty amazing to me.

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

Yes, fathers do to. I've grown so much from having raised my sons. If I can keep up the pace, that'd be sweet. I think I can. I think I can, I think I can. And then......­..........­.