After reading your article last week, my husband and I decided to unplug our family from all our devices. Our kids pushed back at first, especially our 15 year old. But like you said it turned out to be really nice. We all got along better, and they played with each other a lot more. Now my husband is joking that we should get rid of all our devices. Any advice on not letting these things take over the way they have in the past?
We live in an increasingly digital world. Rather than viewing our devices as something to be avoided, we need to develop habits that let us enjoy the plugged-in world without checking out from the real world.
And that is easier said than done.
As I wrote in an earlier article, the feel-good neurotransmitters that flood our brain when we are playing an online game, checking social media sites, or clicking to find out what new emails have arrived can make ordinary activities like going on a hike or reading a book feel painfully "boring."
But if we are willing to endure the initial discomfort that comes with establishing periods of unplugged time, the payoffs are enormous. Many parents who were inspired to turn off their devices over the holidays told me that their kids were friendlier, more cooperative, and got along better with one another.
Still, staying permanently unplugged is not the answer for most families. Our kids are growing up in a world where wristwatches deliver emails and most homework assignments are turned in via computer. They need to learn how to use their screens and enjoy the unplugged world -- not forfeiting one for the other. That starts by modeling how we use our own devices.
Become more aware of your own habits and patterns. Do you check your email every few minutes, or post pictures of what you're having for lunch on Pinterest? Do you immediately check on alerts on your smart phone? The more you show your kids what it looks like to use your devices without constantly checking them, the more likely they will be open to your guidance as they learn to develop good screen time habits.
Show your children what it looks like to enjoy activities that don't come with a battery. Establish a family game night. Let your youngsters see you lost in a good book. Take a cooking class together. Have Karaoke night, or invite friends over for Charades.
Talk with your kids about the pull of the screen. Speak honestly about your struggles to sit with the discomfort of not immediately looking at your phone to see what the latest "Ping" is announcing. Let them hear you wondering what actor starred in that movie without Googling it. Talk about the challenges you face when you want to post a photo on Facebook of the family hiking instead of just enjoying the moment.
There is much about the digital era that is extraordinary -- and, we need to learn how to use our devices in healthy ways. Help your children become empowered to choose whether to hit the On button, and create plenty of time to enjoy the peace and stillness that come only we move at a slower, more human pace.
Susan Stiffelman is the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected and the brand new Parenting with Presence: Practices for Raising Conscious, Confident, Caring Kids (An Eckhart Tolle Edition). She is a family therapist, parent coach and internationally recognized speaker on all subjects related to children, teens and parenting.
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