THE BLOG

The Unbroken Heart

03/04/2014 01:40 pm 13:40:57 | Updated May 04, 2014

Rare, but it does exist. I know a woman who has never had her heart broken. Something inside her insists upon her leaving the man she is with before any emotional damage can occur. I marvel at this. She doesn't struggle with conflicting feelings. They simply evaporate. She's not cold and shallow, as one might imagine. She's open and loving. How does this happen?

Most of us have had to experience a broken heart to restore us to the understanding of compassion. At 51, she's avoided this common rite of human passage. She's only experienced men who love her totally, with whom she's also in love. She's in control of herself.

I've witnessed many a person who could benefit from their heart being broken. They need to feel pain in order to touch that which is real within. I've also known people who've never allowed themselves to love. How does one live an entire life and not allow this marvelous gift of self-expansion to occur?

As for my friend, she was born of loving parents and reared in a world that supported her vision of self-worth. Her internal instincts protect her from useless heartache and provide a natural sense of balance.

For the rest of us, the multitudes who've suffered from heartbreak... what's the difference between us and her? Did we need to have our heart broken? In most cases, I would say yes. When there is no depth from a cut, there's no depth. It's the cut that creates the opening.
I look at those who cannot feel, cannot connect and cannot appreciate the love they've received from others. Jaded, unappreciative and entitled, they stand outside the walls of love. Safe, impervious and seemingly strong. But what is the definition of strong? If it's the ability to remain unaffected by those around us, perhaps the answer is that we should feel. It's just life. Why not be alive to all the colors, light and dark?

It wasn't until my first heartbreak that I began to understand the impact of love. Until that time, I'd safely reaped the merits of being loved without experiencing the pain of loss. Consciousness is a continuum. Once we're awake, there's no going back to sleep. I'd hurt many a man when I was younger and unaware. I now enter relationships keenly aware of the other person and attuned to my output. I have a responsibility. I must be as clear and forthright as possible. Another's heart is at stake.

What's the goal in love? Is it the joy of being loved or the joy of loving? My friend exemplifies a rare case of giving and receiving love without pain. What's her secret? Great parents, Karma or luck? It doesn't matter. This is her reality. My friend is an anomaly. Not affected by the pain of love, she lives in the sunshine of each day. As I marvel at her version of love, I wonder: For which lessons did we sign-up, and for which may we choose to transform?

The majority of emails I receive are about unrequited love. Why else contact a relationship expert? Unrequited love is woven throughout history. It's the basis of books, movies and songs. Yet, what is the reason for its presence? Why do some people experience only joyous partnership?

In my friend's philosophy, the parameters of partnership are simple and straight forward. "Why be interested in someone who isn't interested in us? And, why love someone who isn't able to love us?" Sounds logical. It makes sense. With that easy take on love, why do so many others experience a different reality?

If this woman is any indicator, it's to highlight the idea that it may not be necessary to feel the pain of love -- as long as we can love. Perhaps she has the natural instinct to connect only to those men who are fine human beings; honest, faithful and committed. Perhaps it's because she has only had a few men in her life, but chose them carefully and with the clear intention of being happy. Whatever the reason, she's not the norm. But her life does offer tangible proof that pain doesn't need to be part of the equation. For that reason, I find her intriguing story worth mentioning.

Each of us has our own path here -- things we've come to learn and things we've come to transcend. Maybe for the unbroken hearts, it's just a different set of lessons.