In the healing and wellness communities we talk a lot about self-care.
Self-care is important. But it isn't enough.
Sometimes I think our obsession with self-care stems from our American dream, pull-yourself up by your bootstraps, individual hero-based cultural myths.
We feel like we have to do it all: have a career, great relationships, possibly fam, friends, hobbies, vibrant health, as well as heal ourselves of physical, emotional, spiritual trauma.
Really? Does that seem possible?
Self-care is a myth. We can't do this alone.
Self-care just really isn't actually enough. Not just to heal ourselves, but so we can actually fulfill our purpose of serving and connecting to others.
Without caring for community and being cared for, we can become spiritually, emotionally, physically, personally malnourished.
I've been asked this question:
"Imagine yourself in paradise. What do you see, feel, hear?"
Go ahead and take a minute. Ask yourself.
I often see myself stepping through doors in a dark museum, Zacatecas, Mexico. These doors open to a spacious, enclosed courtyard filled with the most vivid green grass, bright sunlight, and luscious magenta bougainvilla splashed all over soft Spanish style stone. A fountain, birds.
Then, I'm asked this question.
"Who is there? Are you alone?"
Immediately, I feel a rush of awareness. Yes, I am, indeed, alone in my fantasy paradise. And though I am often a solo-time-loving introvert at heart, I also thrive and love community. For me, paradise wouldn't be paradise without you.
Apparently, many of us in 1st world, western lives fantasize our paradises solo.
Did you?
This solo-focus is conditioned, but perhaps not natural. It hasn't always been this way.
For some of us, this is not an accident. Generations of community being actively undermined by the slave trade or colonial oppression have incredibly destructive effects on us. It's like cultural PTSD that we are still processing through daily I find, even in a culture that seeks to deny these oppressions ever happened while they still occur.
Only a generation or two back, for many of our ancestors it was very different.
I experienced true community when I visited one of my homelands, the border state of Assam, India, where my father grew up. Assam has been plagued with political unrest and turmoil for various reasons the past 50 years.
Assam isn't always a safe or stable state to visit.
Yet, this was my homecoming. I had to go. To see my ancestors, family, walk the land, pay my respects.
But we couldn't tell people. No one could have advanced notice of our arrival or it could end in kidnapping or worse.
We drove the long trip, arriving mid-afternoon to a cousin's house, mosquitos creating lazy funnels above our heads, yet not biting, as we drank tea. We were all very aware we'd have to leave before nightfall.
All of a sudden, family started appearing in doorways and around corners. Not through text, but through an uncanny neural network of interlinked community, word spread. Everyone was living within a few houses of one another. They all came out to greet us warmly, the prodigal American family.
As we talked over tea, I learned the block we were on used to be one huge communal home. Everyone lived together, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, kids. Many of my family members in Assam today live on the same block with one another.
It was an incredible homecoming experience. One that taught me more about family, community and where I'm from, than any text ever could.
What is your paradise in community?
We deeply need to build these networks of support.
Whether blood or chosen family, we can reprogram our culture and ourselves so we are creating Community Care.
I've found that nourishing our interlinked networks of social connection and interconnection, through caring and being cared for, is so key.
Beyond just taking care of ourselves, we can ask one another how we can take care of you.
This is what is missing, when, out of so-called self-care, we sometimes ditch our responsibilities to get a drink, massage or get our nails done.
Yes, I'm calling you out. Lovingly. Only because sometimes I've done it too.
And, yes, of course, we need to take care of ourselves. Truly, we do. But we can do it while taking care of community too. And allowing community to take care of us.
So now I'm asking: Imagine yourself in a paradise of community.
What is it like? Who is there? Who are you nurturing in this community of care? Who is nurturing you? What are you doing to support their personal, mental, spiritual, intellectual growth?
In every interaction, bring a spirit of service. In this moment, consider: how is my presence a gift? How can I uplift?
One of my homelands is not somewhere I can regularly visit. Not all of us have homelands that we know of at all, especially if they were taken from us. I choose to actively create family and home with friends and the fam I have around me. Our family, blood or chosen, as long as they are healthy, supportive of our growth and nourishing, should be as huge a part of our "care" program as any self-care regimen. This is one way of coming home to ourselves.
We've heard about neuroplasticity. The idea is that we can change our habits because of the ability to essentially rewire our brains through creating positive change. And following up. Neurons that fire together, wire together.
Expand this notion beyond one brain to many. We are in a process of creating "culturalasticity."
Communities that inspire together, wire together, and bring us all higher together.
-In care of the community,
Susanna Barkataki
I teach the dive deep, build community kind of Yoga School and VIP Visionary Business Net-Workshops in LA, Orlando, Fl. and throughout the U.S.
Yoga School starts in LA Oct 5th. Learn more.
The next V-School event is Oct. 7th. Apply for your award for a visionary business or a visionary idea here!
Connect!
Email: susanna@healthyhotgoddess.com
Web: www.healthyhotgoddess.com